YOU vs VALAK (THE NUN) – Could You Defeat And Survive Her? (The Conjuring / The Nun Movie)


You’ve been saving up for months for a nice,
romantic vacation for you and your girlfriend and when you ask her where she’d like to go,
she tells you about this great quiet little monastery in the Romanian hills. Thinking that a bit of history will go well
with a nice break from the hustle and bustle of modern life, you immediately catch a flight,
eager to spend a blissful week relaxing in the rustic Romanian countryside. Yet when you arrive at your destination you
can’t shake a malevolent feeling permeating the walls of the centuries old former monastery. Later that night as you get up to go use the
bathroom you catch sight of a strange figure- you swear you just spotted a nun walk across
the hall. Shrugging it off you reach the bathroom and
close the door behind you. Then as you peer into the mirror you’re horrified
to see the lights dim and a seven foot tall figure loom over you from behind, dressed
in the garb of a Catholic nun. As its long, bony fingers drape across your
shoulders, you realize that you should’ve just gone to Hawaii like everybody else does,
because now you’re in a one on one deathmatch versus one of the most powerful demons in
history. Hello and welcome to another episode of The
Infographic Show’s You Versus series, today we’re pitting you, the average joe, up against
Valak, the evil nun from hell. Let’s go to Romania, your girlfriend said. It’ll be rustic, full of history, and super
romantic she said. We won’t be Taken or Hostel’ed and tortured
by rich eastern European millionaires for fun, she promised. And you believed her, good job. As you rush back to your room, terrified of
the demon at your heels, you’re ready to both tell her off and try and get her to safety
when you see her floating three feet over your bed, her eyes rolled up in the back of
your head. Fantastic, now she’s possessed and a thrall
in the service of Valak. Well, at least that takes care of the breaking
up part. But now its time to focus on survival, and
just what exactly you’re up against. Valak also known as the Great President of
Hell, is a greater demon who holds over thirty legions of lesser demons under his command. He was summoned to earth centuries ago by
a crazed duke who attempted to summon and control a demonic force from deep within the
catacombs that the monastery you’re staying at was built over. Oh, sorry, did the travel agency not mention
that your romantic, historical monastery was built over a dark pit that summons demons
from hell? I’m sure it was just an oversight. But with Valak’s powers to possess multiple
people at once, odds are that the travel agents were under his control the whole time. That’s why you really gotta read the Yelp
reviews. While the duke successfully summoned Valak
forth from hell, he would go on to be killed by an elite anti-demon task force from the
Vatican. The Vatican priests sealed the demonic rift
using a sprinkling of the blood of Christ, one of the Vatican’s most powerful and sacred
relics. Hundreds of years later though during World
War II, the monastery was bombed and the rift was broken open, allowing Valak to enter our
world once more. Occupied by a devout order of nuns, Valak
assumed the form of a nun in order to mock their faith and because nun’s uniforms are
absolutely terrifying. Over the years Valak haunted the monastery
as the devout nuns attempted to pray away the evil spirit, though to no avail. By 1952 he had killed several of the nuns,
leaving only two survivors. Personally, we would have left long before
the first demonic murder, but maybe the nuns just didn’t have a working car. After a feature-length film amount of time,
Valak is once again resealed with more blood of Christ, though is later released by a devout
satanist. Valak, President of hell- hashtag not our
hell president- is now coming for your soul, just how are you going to defeat this terrifying
force of evil? As usual to fight your enemy you must know
your enemy, particularly its strengths and weaknesses. Valak is a demon, yet unlike a normal demon
is extraordinarily resistant to the spiritual and holy objects that normally spell doom
for a trespassing devil. It’s not that holy objects won’t work, the
blood of Christ is after all specially effective, it’s just that Valak is very resistant to
their effects, and until the breech between our world and hell is sealed, it’s doubtful
that Valak can ever truly be vanquished. As a demon of manipulation, Valak is keen
to prey on people’s fears, something that with its terrifying seven foot tall body and
creepy nun garments is admittedly not very hard to do. It’s aim is as many demons’, that is to spread
fear in its wake in order to weaken the mental resolve of its victims, so that it can best
influence them. That’s because like most demons, Valak prefers
to have people hurt themselves or others rather than to do it itself, as the act of sinning
by committing suicide or murder is seen as perverting God’s plans for us, and that’s
pretty much all any demon lives for. In order to break down his victim’s mental
defenses, Valak is fond of creating terrifying illusions of the environment or even itself,
showing people the gruesome deaths of their loved ones, or even projecting sounds and
images directly into people’s minds. Notably, Valak is also powerful enough to
block psychic powers such as clairvoyance, making Valak quite the formidable foe indeed. As far as weaknesses go though, as we mentioned
Valak is vulnerable to all the typical demon-killing tools in The Infographics arsenal. This includes holy water- though as a reminder,
only if its blessed by true faith- holy relics such as items that once belonged to Christ
or other famous saints, true faith, and of course, love. That’s right, a demon can’t operate in a location
where true love exists, as God is love and demons, being the antithesis of what God is,
cannot exist alongside love. If Valak takes solid form though, it- as any
other demon- becomes vulnerable to the same laws of physics that govern our daily lives,
which is why demons typically don’t take on their real forms in our world, preferring
to project themselves spiritually. So just how in the world are you going to
take on and defeat one of the most powerful demons in existence? First, you’re going to ignore the fact that
your girlfriend is hovering three feet above the bed- sorry, but it’s too late for her. She’s already been possessed by Valak, and
the best thing to do is to just shove her levitating body out the window and let her
float away. The last thing you need right now is having
to watch your back against a murderous, demon-possessed girlfriend while you’re trying to fight Valak
at the same time. Also, as a master manipulator you don’t want
to give Valak the opportunity to use your girlfriend to manipulate you emotionally. It’s time to show Valak that you’ve got an
iron will and can’t be made into a puppet- shove her right out that window and send Valak’s
carefully laid plans straight to hell. Plus, it’s kind of her fault for suggesting
this trip in the first place, you wanted to go to Hawaii. Now it’s time to turn the tables on Valak. He’s been using fear against you this whole
time, and even tried to create despair inside you by possessing your girlfriend. If Valak wants an emotional one on one deathmatch,
you’re going to give him one. Valak may have all the dark powers of hell
and legions of demons at his disposal, but you have… a puppy. That’s right, you have a puppy. A big, goofy, adorable golden retriever puppy
with giant, oversized paws that don’t match his tiny body. We know what you’re thinking- seriously, Infographics? I’m fighting for my very soul against a president
of hell and you’re giving me a puppy? But hear us out. Ask yourself one thing- have you ever felt
scared around a puppy? Have you ever felt anything but warm, gushing
feelings of adorableness when your having your face licked by a happy, fluffy pupster? Of course you haven’t. Remember how we told you that Valak’s demonic
goals are to terrify you, break your will, and then either possess you or get you to
kill yourself or others? Well, he’s going to have a hell of a time-
pun intended- making you scared of anything when you’re getting covered in big, giant
sloppy kisses from Mr. Floofkins- that’s his name by the way, and how couldn’t it be? Look how fluffy and adorable he is! But wait, because we’re not done. In your arsenal against the forces of hell
we’re also going to arm you with… a baby sloth. Look at its dopey, weird little face! They hug you by instinct when you pick them
up, because that’s what they do with their mothers! And check out that face, it always look like
it’s got a cute, lazy smile. Now that’s super-kawaii! Overflowing with adorableness and cuteness,
Valak is going to run screaming for the hills from you, literally unable to bear being around
you and all your disgusting positivity for even one second. And that’s perfect, because the next thing
you’re going to do is take some C-4 and destroy the demonic rift in the basement, just like
should have been done the first time. With the rift linking Valak to our world gone,
he’s going to be dragged back to hell where he’ll stay forever- or at least until someone’s
dumb enough to try and summon him back to earth. So maybe, five minutes tops? Now you should probably go outside and check
on your girlfriend, you did shove her out a second story window. But hey, if she didn’t make it at least you
got an adorable, fluffy, kissy face puppy and a happy little hug-giving baby sloth instead. Seems like a fair trade.

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