(heart monitor beeping) (slight groan) [NURSE] Doctor? Doctor!
He’s waking up! [DOCTOR] Mike?
Mike, can you hear me?
Can you speak? [MIKE] Who are you? [NURSE] It’s a miracle. [MIKE] Where am I? [DOCTOR] Try to relax, Mike.
You’ve been in an accident. Can you remember what year it is? [MIKE] Um…2009? [NURSE] Do you know
who the president is? [MIKE] Barack Obama. Where are my kids?
My kids were in the car with me. [NURSE] He doesn’t know. [MIKE] What don’t I know?
Where are my children? [DOCTOR] Mike, calm down.
You’re still very weak from the coma. [MIKE] Coma? [DOCTOR] We have to tell him. [NURSE] Are you sure, doctor? [DOCTOR] He has to know. [MIKE] What are you doing?
What is that? [DOCTOR] Mike, this is going to be hard. You’ve been in a coma for
nearly a decade. And now that you’re awake,
you’re going to have to confront
some harsh realities. [MIKE] Oh no. [DOCTOR] The first one is this. [MIKE] Wait…wait,
what am I looking at? [DOCTOR] Donald Trump is president. [NURSE] It’s insane, isn’t it? The guy from Celebrity Apprentice,
he’s our president now. [MIKE] Yeah, that’s weird,
but what about my children? Johnny? Melanie? [DOCTOR] This isn’t a joke, Mike!
This is a real headline! [MIKE] Why are you showing me this? [NURSE] Can your 2009 mind
even handle this? [MIKE] Stop it! [DOCTOR] Ten years ago,
could you have imagined
America would come to this? [NURSE] He served fast food
in the White House, Mike! [DOCTOR] Fast food! [MIKE] I don’t give a s**t! The president could be
Kanye West for all I care. [NURSE] It’s actually funny you should mention Kanye West because… [MIKE] Get that away from me. [DOCTOR] Kanye said liberals
were bullies, Mike. Bullies! [MIKE] Where are my children? [DOCTOR] Oh my god,
your kids are dead, okay? Geez… [MIKE] Oh no. [DOCTOR] Yeah, your son
died instantly, your daughter clung to life support
for like a month before we
removed the feeding tube. Yada yada yada,
happens all the time. But Trump being president?
This is not normal. [NURSE] Don’t normalize this, Mike! [MIKE] (sobbing) [DOCTOR] Oh Mike, don’t cry.
There’s good news. [MIKE] What good news? [DOCTOR] Now that your
kids are dead, they won’t have to live
in a world with this. [NURSE] Or this. [DOCTOR] And there’s more good news: we have Instagram now! [NURSE] IG! [DOCTOR] Oh, and gay marriage
is legal now, that’s great news for America. [NURSE] And for him! [DOCTOR] Oh, yeah! Now that his wife is dead
and he’s single, he can
marry a man if he wants to! [MIKE] Wait, my wife is dead?
She wasn’t even in the car with us! [DOCTOR] Oh, um, when she found out
what happened to you and the kids, she got addicted to painkillers
and alcohol, and her liver gave out. Yada yada yada,
happens all the time. But the Obamas are now
producing for Netflix! Isn’t that exciting!? [MIKE] (sobbing) Oh, I really thought that
would have cheered him up. [MIKE] I lost everything. [NURSE] Not everything, Mike!
There’s still this! [MIKE] Ahh, what the
f**k is the Mueller report? [NURSE] Actually,
it’s the Mueller report, and it’s only the most important
document of our time. At least I think it is.
I never read it. [DOCTOR] You know what,
you should read it
and tell us what it says. [NURSE] I mean, I know what it says, you know? [DOCTOR] Totally. [MIKE] I’m gonna kill myself. [NURSE] Oh my god.
He’s having suicidal thoughts. [DOCTOR] We’re going to have to
break out the big guns. Mike, it’s the most diverse
House freshman class in history! [MIKE] I hate you. [DOCTOR] Wow.
That’s your reaction to
women of color in Congress? [NURSE] Doctor, there’s something wrong with him. He’s not reacting to
anything the right way. I think he’s got brain damage. [DOCTOR] Huh, no wailing
outrage over Trump. Total indifference
to the Mueller Report. And now, no vocal celebration
of diversity in Congress. I think you’re right, Nurse. There’s only one thing left to do. Sorry, Mike.
You’re cancelled. [MIKE] I’m not on life support anymore, you f**king idiot. [DOCTOR] Whatevs, hashtag boy bye.
Nurse, pillow. [MIKE] What? (music) [LOU] Hey guys, thanks for watching. If you enjoyed the video, don’t forget to like it, share it with your friends, and subscribe to our channel. Make sure to click the little bell to turn on notifications so you never miss a video. You can also follow us on Instagram and Twitter. And if you want to support us, check out our website: wetheinternet.tv