True Facts About The Octopus

Here we will explore true facts about the octopus deep in the depths in the ocean, lives a marvelous creatures sometimes referred to as the floppy floppy spider of the sea but it’s true name comes from a Greek word meaning eight footed because it has eight arms there are two major sub orders of octopusses the cirrina and incirrina the cirrate octopuses look a bit like an alien got freaky with a weather balloon they have 2 little fins a small internal shell and lots a little cilia next to their suckers the other sub order, which we will be looking at today, are the incirrina no internal shell, although some do try to fake it, no fins but 100 percent amazing many of you will know the amazing color and texture changing capabilities of the octopus as well as its ability to fart ink at a moment’s notice evolution at its finest however perhaps the most remarkable feature of the octopus is its intelligence they are the most intelligent of all of the invertebrates technically not tons of competition there I mean clams are stupid, I’m sorry I said it! but they are dumb as hell what is amazing is that while octopuses can learn and remember complex tasks like opening child-proof jars and moving through mazes they are using an intelligence that has evolved very differently than our own unlike our intelligence, which is mainly centralized in our head hole the octopus hands distributed intelligence three-fifths of all its neurons are located in its arms in a way each of its arms actually has a mind of its own which is amazing unless after a while you found out that one in your arms was an a**hole that would suck these arms are so capable that even when they are severed they will continue to search for and capture food and then try to bring that food back to a non-existent mouth-hole some octopuses will actually remove one of their own arms when threatened and let it wriggle away to confuse the hell out of predators data point of one but it would confuse the hell out of me each arm of the octopus is equipped with over 250 suction cups each one with the ability to rotate and grasp independently not only are I they grabby grabby, but the suction cups contains sensory receptors which allow it to taste and smell what it touches this is an ability I’m glad I don’t have it is widely known that the interestingness of an animal is proportional to how difficult it is to figure out where it’s butthole is the octopus is therefore very interesting because its mouth is exactly what I thought it’s butt should be I’ll be honest with you I still don’t really know where it is but my search history does contain the phrase “pictures of octopuses butt” inside the octopuses mouth is a beak, the only hard part of the incirrina body meaning that the octopus can squeeze through any hole larger than its beak the tentacles guide food toward the beak where venomous saliva incapacitates pray before the horror begins I told you clams are stupid when it comes to moving the octopus has a variety of options it can crawl or use a water jet called a siphon or (laughing) it can do this, which is my favorite some scientists have argued that two of its arms should be characterized as legs I wonder why it can walk (breaking into laughter) octopuses can even move on land, quite effectively yes they get a little mushy on land, but don’t judge it’s like reverse shrinkage imagine what they think when we skinny dip “what happened to your little arm?” that’s what they’d say although the octopusses eight arms may seem identical one of the males arms is actually a hectocotylus which functions like a penis therefore shaking hands with the male octopus is sort of like playing Russian roulette but instead of dying, you risk your hand getting pregnant the hectocotylus is used to transfer spur metaphors to the female by thereby inserting it into a hole in her mantel or by tearing it off and presenting it to the female for later use to understand this, imagine if you are on a date, and your date reached down and…well that is how an octopus do to the octopus human sex looks really really boring like we’re just saying hello to each other because when they get it on, it can get crazy when the female his fertilized her eggs she retreats to an underwater crevice and it attaches her eggs to the roof she will stay with them, gently blowing fresh water over them protecting them as she slowly starves to death basically everything they do is hardcore when her job is done she is gone, but thousands of little babies emerge floating, just beautiful, sort of like the ending of Charlotte’s Web except on the water…and without the farm animals too they would all drown- they would die- the dancing pig wouldn’t last a second really… sort of, babies, interspersed with these dead and rotting animals being eaten by fish it’s a different story really- less appropriate for children and I- the duck would do okay, but one floating duck does not a children’s book make just remember if you’re writing a children’s book one animal can die, not all of them, only a clam would write that sort of crap and they are dumb as hell

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