True Facts About Marsupials


here we will explore true facts about marsupials marsupials. Marsupials is this being the best shot it looks like pornography?? nature – that’s better. Marsupials – he just took it in the noodle. Marsupials are meta-theorians a group of mammals that split off from are Eutherian ancestors over 160 million years ago they may look like other mammals, but inside marsupials are hiding something that doesn’t exist -what?? Marsupials lack the ability to grow a placenta reaches an organ that looks a bit like a bloody pillow it acts as a waste and nutrient exchange and protects the baby from its mother’s immune system which allows human babies for example to mature inside the womb trust me the cartoon version is much better-looking. Lacking the protection of a placenta Marsupial babies have to get the hell out quickly the kangaroo baby emerges after only seven weeks in the (laughs – oh my god) – it looks like a dog penis that’s trying to escape! run little red rocket, run! It is blind, but remarkably has fully functional forelimbs and it uses them to climb up the mothers mid-line till it reaches the pouch. Looks looks like Voldemort at the end of the series! (laughs) The pouch is a bit like a pocket but it has nipples in it. The baby latches on to the nipple and the nipple inflates inside the baby’s mouth forming a seal for the next one hundred days the baby cannot let go, as it receives milk from its mother to understand this, imagine putting on a blindfold been sniffing your way across a shag carpet until you found a nipple that was just as large as you were and then thinking – I should put it in my mouth. That is how a kangaroo do. I’ll tell you right now we are not going to talk about the Tasmanian Devil. because that is not a polite way to eat that’s starting at the wrong end of the ice cream cone, if you know what I mean I know it’s in Australia and they do everything reverse down there,, you’ve heard about the toilets if you haven’t, supposedly the Australian politics head in the toilet bowl and pees upwards. just the opposite of us. Really, who does that to a chicken?? the Wombat is another marsupial – (laughs) – are you trying to hide?? -it’s effective. Unlike the kangaroo it has a rear-facing pouch. This is because the wombat digs and lives in burrows. Here we see 2 wombats, both good at digging but one is clearly an idiot. On the plus side if you’re a baby, a rear-facing pouch prevents you from getting a mouth full of dirt. On the downside it means there is a butt-hole directly in front of your doorway. They kind of break even. Really. The marsupials penis – (sighs) – we always do this – why -I don’t want to talk about their penises – its – this should be about the majesty of nature. It’s like reviewing and opera – and, i don’t know, talking about Wagner’s penis No, I don’t want research to google that, Jerry. Fine. Most marsupials have two prong penises and the female has between two and three vaginas. Which sounds like a math problem But we have one to one and it’s not like it’s not complicated so now you know. The Koala is perhaps the cutest the mall the marsupials but it appears to have received the short end of the evolutionary (bleep) Jerry, don’t bleep it like that- it sounds like I said (sighs) – don’t even have to bleep (bleep). The Koala lives mainly in the eucalyptus tree and almost exclusively eats the eucalyptus leaf. The eucalyptus leaf on the other hand has made it clear that it doesn’t wanna be eaten by anyone. Aside from having very little nutritional value, It is poisonous, and very hard to chew and digest. To deal with this, the Koala has evolved a very long hind gut which ferments leaves, sometimes for over 100 hours a remarkable and complex adaptation that the Koala could’ve avoided by eating pretty much any other f*cking thing. Baby Koala’s don’t have the fully developed piping to do this hind-gut fermentation so instead they eat their mothers Freckle-pop – what is that – a little popsicle? two words – fecal pap – oh – oh that’s gross fecal pap is a pre-digested greenish goo like you know how a Cow regurgitates cud? Well it’s like that, except out of your ass. -and you feed it to your child. The diets of most herbivore marsupials pose another challenge – the coarse grasses and leaves wear down there teeth. Each has evolved a unique strategy to deal with this the kangaroo has four sets of molars which moved forward as the front pairs wear down wombats have ruthless teeth that never stop growing the koalas unique strategy is to have neither of these so when its teeth wear down, it just starves to death. Not only that, but the koala has the smallest brain-to-body mass ratio of all the mammals. And it has a smooth brain, which means that it hasn’t evolved the thinky-thinky parts. For example, if you pick eucalyptus leaves which it eats, off the branch, and put them on a plate the Koala doesn’t know what to do with them. Not a genius animal however this lack of brain gives the Koala a discrete evolutionary advantage in that it does not give a f*ck case in point – koala in the rain. no f*cks given. None. Just remember one day you might find a comfy little place to live complete with food and shelter but if you notice that you wake up to a butthole every single day, it might just be time to move on something something something marsupials (song)

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