Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill. Epic Rap Battles of History


*Rustic piano music starts* Epic Rap Battles Of History! Winston Chrchill! VERSUS! Theodore Rooseveeeeeeltttt! BEGIN! Bully! a challenge! I love competition now where would I mount the stuffed head of a Winston? Ha! I’m into fitness, diggin’ ditches through an insthmus rough ridin’ down to Cuba like; What’s up, BIIITCHES! I keep my rhymes pure Like my food and drugs, I’m an American stud, and you’re the British Elmer Fudd I mean, for Christ’s sake! Look at that mug! At least grow a spruce mustache and cover part of it up and let’s face it, you’re not all that great, you tossed away lives in Gallipoli like they were scarps off your plate your whole miserable country is the size of one state I could see my way through running that without donning my pince-nez don’t go toe-to-toe with me, you bloated drunk old man! why don’t ya do-si-do on over to a twelve step program? I’ll bust a trust fund lush, with my American muscels! So walk softly over here, and give my big stick a suckles! Pass me a cigar and a large glass of brandy, I’m about to take you out prematurely like your family. I’m the Rhyme Minister fresh in a hat and dinner jacket you look like a mix of EpicLLOYD and a Pringles™ packet! Ha! I was saving the planet from an Axis of darkness, while you were back home, opening national parks, yes! you were born asthmatic you’re going to choke hard while I wake up everyday and chain smoke cigars. I’ll fight you on the beaches, I’ll fight you on the beats, yes anyway you want to fight I’ll fight you and I’ll beat ya see? I might be battling you even though I’m toasted but, tommorow I’ll be sober and you’ll still be roasted! My parents died when they were young and it was morbid, but at least, they did’nt ditch me while they were alive like yours did Oh Shit! World War too soon? well Teddy’s dropin’ bombs so you best go hide in your tube! ohh! you should be ashamed of your military honor! Everyone knows you’re back at home like, thank God for Pearl Harbor Don’t worry! The US will give you a pass, just change your poster to keep calm and kiss my cousin’s ass! Steady there, I don’t think it’s very fair, for a British Bulldog, to melee with a Teddy Bear! Ha! you’re no man, you’re an overgrown Boy Scout! I should stuff you in a pram just so you can throw your toys out. They put your fat head on a mountain, to save face, but if Rushmore was a band, then you’d play bass look at Roosevelt! the dude’s about, to lose the bout to Churchill! If a bullet to the chest won’t stop you, my words will. *gun noises* A bullet can’t stop the Bull Moose! T.R. will give W.C. the full deuce! Whatever shit you throw at me, I’ll just return to sender! I’ll battle to the end, and I will never surrender! WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDEEE EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!! *outro*

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