(girlish voice) How come
there aren’t any emojis of hot emo boys making out? (Ian) SHUT UP!!! In 1998, Shigetaka Kurita
used the first emoji. (gong booms) Ten years later, Apple held
a top secret meeting to develop emojis for their products. The following is
a completely accurate historical reenactment
of what took place. (Steve Jobs) Thank you all
for attending my secret meeting on such short notice. Before we begin, let us all pray
to the Great Apple in the Sky. (all mutter incoherently) Okay, shut up.
That’s enough. Here’s the deal, folks. Whenever I send a text message
to my lovely mother, auto-correct always f*cks it up! So I was thinking we need
a universal language that cannot be misinterpreted,
and that’s where I came up with these weird little picture thingies. I call them Apple iPics. Those already exist
and they’re called emojis. You know, I was just thinking
that maybe instead I should call them emojis! I just said that. Anybody have any ideas
for some more emojis? Yes, annoying guy in the front
with all the logic? Well, I think it would be nice
to have all ethnicities represented with their own emoji. Oh my god, that is
the most boring thing I’ve ever heard. Uh, next? Four pages of smiley faces,
so I can show how I’m feeling because I’m a normal guy
and I can’t express emotion. (laughs) I can’t either!
That’s great. Next? Seven different kissy faces
because I’m a girl and I wanna confuse the sh*t outta guys. #MixedSignals. I love that. You know, I’m designing
something called the iCloud, just to confuse
the sh*t out of people too. Next? How ’bout a ram! Great! Next? How ’bout we re-create
a bunch of the smiley faces, but as cats. Of-fricking-course! And maybe we can do
smileys with dogs too. No! F*ck dogs! How ’bout another ram? Okay, what is it with you and rams? My friend just really likes them, okay? Reggie, just throw it in there,
the ram for the man. Throw in another ram for the man. Okay, seriously, there are two races
outside of white people represented, but they
all pretty much look white! I mean, is this dude with the turban
supposed to represent all people other than white people? What about a ghost?
A ghost can be any race. Oh my god. Uh, excuse me, but this
top secret lair is booked for my Train Appreciation Club at 12:30. That’s my bad.
I’m sorry. Hey, by the way, we can’t
really think of any more emojis because these people
aren’t geniuses like you and I. Do you have any ideas? 13 different trains! Now why the f*ck would we
need that many trains? Oh, looks like we got
a train racist over here, huh? You just think all trains
look the same, don’t you? Well, see, you’re gonna need
a steam powered train, a bullet train, a slightly speedier
looking bullet train, one with the flat front,
a monorail train, a trolley train,
a trolley trail with the… slight thingie…whatever this is.
It’s a little bit different on top. And then we got a front facing train. That same front facing train
going next to a sign, and a train going through a tunnel
for when I need to make a sexual reference to my wife. Eh? Eh? I mean, I could go on for days. – Sold!
– Come on! Guys, we got about
a minute left, so… Lightning round! A purple devil. A huge building with a BK on it. A bloody syringe. A padlock with the tip of an ink pen! A moon that looks he
wants to molest youuu! Fruit that looks like a butt. A flag for all ten countries of the world. Listen! I don’t really know what it is. A VHS tape. A pager. Maybe another– NO! Focus, people. We only need one more emoji,
so let’s make it good. Come on, guys! We finally have a chance
to represent every ethnicity equally with a universal language. This will bring everybody together
and could change the world. This could be the first step
to world peace. You know what?
He’s right. Wouldn’t you represent
every race, color, and creed with these emojis?
So what better way to do that then to include
the most underrepresented race of all time! Santa Claus! F-ck you, you smiling piles of sh-t! Wait, no!
That’s just it. You’re a genius, man. Our final emoji… will be a smiling pile of sh*t. (scary music) (Anthony) Hey, guys,
thanks so much for watching and make sure to hit
that big ass yellow button if you aren’t already subscribed.
It will totally make you feel like that cool emoji with the sunglasses.
You know, the one… the…you…yeah. (Ian) If you guys wanna see
bloopers from this video and a deleted scene,
click the video on the left. I tried to send my mom
a simple text message and auto-correct always f*cked it up. Look at this. This is the message
I sent my mom last week. (Ian) And if you wanna see more of me
being a really bad Steve Jobs, click the video on the right
to watch our iPhone 6 commercial. We’ve made the greatest
enhancements to iOS since the beginning.
All Samsung Galaxy phones within a 50 foot radius
will burst into flames. AAAH! (screaming)