You see? It’s a revolution. Capitalism’s days are numbered. Then there goes our freedom. If Socialism wins, America loses. We have nothing to lose but our chains. And our civilization. Learn some history. Private property and free markets built modern day society. Yeah and modern society is the problem. Two for March of History. Thank you. Enjoy the show boys. Look at this theater. Look at all of this plenty. THIS is Capitalism! So Capitalism’s diabetes? Got it. Your whole world is coming apart. I pity you. America is once again at ideological war. After decades of post-war consensus, the great debate between Capitalism and Socialism has captured the public square. And no two men have more fervently fought this battle than Socialist philosopher Karl Marx, and classical liberal economist Ludwig von Mises. Marx vs Mises. Mises vs Marx. The March of History continues… Workers of the world, assemble It’s time for the ruling classes to tremble
I’m the people’s hero the MVP M A R X, yeah you know me Let’s go back to when men were free we hunted and gathered communally But get ready cause here comes the twist A villain appears called a Capitalist He puts the proletariat (that’s us) in chains Exploits our labor and pockets the gains Through slick ads he tricks lads and ladies in kind Selling fake needs he poisons our hearts and minds He rots our soul through alienation Pursuing limitless accumulation He works us into an early grave Through debt steals back the money we save Greed is the gospel Profit (God) The rich get richer through graft and fraud The poor get poorer but YOU don’t care Doesn’t that sound laissez unfair? Two hundred years I’ve been singing this song now my chorus is 99 percent strong The revolution’s here, it’s time to repent your moment is over, your capital’s spent This is history’s lesson You think he’s right I’m guessin’? All we want is progression without bourgeois oppression So we look for the truth As we tighten our boots Who’s right, who’s wrong? Left, right, left, now the march is on Guten Tag, Marx, nice to meet ya. My name’s Ludwig: call me “Teacher” The master of markets, the Austrian boss, You don’t like profits? Well let’s talk loss The problem with your plan is nobody wins Except Stalin, Pol Pot, Ho Chi Minh Lenin, Mugabe — remember Berlin? They built a wall to keep their people in Your theories have a rotten foundation Built on control, not cooperation Centralized power completely corrupts Real people suffer, violence erupts Your system depends on the very same people you decry as greedy, bourgeois and evil If we’re not fit to run our own lives why would you expect our votes to be wise? If you really want to help people rise up Unleash the free market: lift their lives up It was Capitalism not a Socialist plan saved billions in India, China, Japan Everyone has a unique purpose and plan no one solution can serve the whole land Each individual has their own voice The heart of my theory is freedom and choice This is history’s lesson The market’s a blessing (Yeah, right!) Let’s pursue our expression Living free from aggression So we look for the truth With the freedom to choose Who’s right, who’s wrong? Left, right, left now the march is on Free Marketeers love to play this game Mao kills millions, Marx gets blamed It’s deceptive, dishonest, plain unfair Did I drive the tanks at Tiananmen Square? Man, I’m a humanist You can check my receipts But you gotta break eggs if you wanna eat Don’t like violence? Admit defeat Then I’ll call this revolution complete Till then, let’s get a few things straight I’m not shaping the future, I’m embracing our fate My utopian forebears weren’t that specific but this analysis is highly scientific Every social system has governing laws Capitalism? Doomed, because the system generated it’s own fatal flaws by uniting workers in a common cause Thanks to you, we have all the wealth we need to seize control and eradicate greed The people are rejecting your bourgeois lies Real Marxism has never been tried Equality is the core of my creed from this one’s ability to that one’s need Our healthcare, finance and industry let’s collectivize and set ourselves free Your standard refrain “oh that’s not the real thing” The most common verse all your followers sing The closer we get to your ideal system further we go down the road to serfdom The empirical record can’t be denied your ideas don’t work, but they just won’t die (ATTENTION!) This is not breaking news Jevons and Menger lit that fuse Now here comes the bomb via Von Bohm-Bawerk He blew up your system, exposed the core quirk The heart of your theory is exploitation of surplus value, that’s a bogus equation You can’t explain value by measuring the cost of labor That theory of value has lost favor Value is subjective by every measure One man’s trash is another man’s treasure There’s no exploitation if two people arrange voluntary exchange Man, that’s not deranged That bourgeois transaction you diss with a scoff creates benefit for both so we’re both better off Here’s the real problem, the crucial equation Without private markets there’s no calculation to coordinate courses, allocate resources incentivize choices, because it lacks prices What crops should I grow? Where should this factory go? How should I pick a J.O.(B)? How would your planners ever know? Your “theory” is a bundle of confusion Socialism got crushed by the marginal revolution This is history’s lesson All we want is progression Let’s pursue our expression Livin free from aggression So we look for the truth As we tighten our boots Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Left, right, left, now the march is on. We’re all better off, are you kidding me Mises? My immiseration thesis tears you to pieces Your economy grows, but not our wages You call that progress? I think it’s outrageous In 1820 everyone was poor until Capitalism kicked down the door Real wage growth, not stagnation saved 80% of the world from starvation You kicked down the door but you locked us out That’s what your “free market” is all about Here’s what you do: on your next shopping spree pick up this book by my boy Tommy P. The pie can get bigger, it’s not zero sum free markets have lifted the lowest incomes
If you really want to help out the poorest nations encourage peace, trade and immigration The Earth is boiling and your solution is more production, more pollution? More cheap trinkets in bigger malls more fossil fuels, more aerosols? Wait, what? For a problem this big we need total control A green New Deal to save the North Pole We can’t gamble the future on anarchy greed’s not a plan, it’s insanity! Your story’s bombastic, your rhetoric’s strong There’s only one problem… your theory’s wrong! The wealthiest countries do the most to conserve Hava-haven’t you heard of the Kuznets curve? Only wealthy societies can afford to go green if you want a better world, see the unseen Even carbon will bend to creative destruction With entrepreneurship in the means of production This is history’s lesson The market’s a blessing All we want is progression Living free from aggression So we look for the truth With the freedom to choose Who’s right, who’s wrong? Left, right, left now the march is on I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again The long march of history will come to an end Hegel was close, but too a priori Watch me break down my dialectical story Proletariat, bourgoisie Them versus us, you versus me Slave, master, lord and serf New class battles, same old turf We have what we need to throw the chains off us Organize the economy like the post office The state takes over but that’s not the whole plan watch it wither away and leave Socialist man Our goal is true fairness, outcomes that are equal Capitalism? (Over) Here’s a Socialist sequel Revolution’s coming, prepare for the fight Workers of the world, U-U-U-U-Unite Nothing is determined, you’re so fatalistic A grand theory of history Be realistic! Your failed predictions? A distraction Here’s some questions that guide human action Where are we going? What’s the right course? What will motivate us,? Incentives or force? Here’s what you miss from commanding heights each person’s gifts and individual rights Across every continent, culture and creed People have flourished only when freed To find passion, profit, charity and love Through the shake of a hand, not a boot from above Socialism’s record isn’t hard to parse First it was tragedy, now it’s a farce Let’s unite people from every nation In peace, exchange and cooperation Wow. Yeah. I told you Marx was right. No way. It’s Mises all the way. The free market brings the goods. Yeah it brings the goods alright. A heaping pile of inequality and strife. Try peace and prosperity. Yeah I am. I am trying that. You are? Yeah. Okay because it doesn’t look like it. Did you watch this? Yeah. Half of it was good.