Stetson Kennedy Infiltrates the Ku Klux Klan (feat. Matt Walsh & Jason Ritter) – Drunk History


– HELLO! [laughs] HELLO. TODAY, WE’RE GONNA
TALK ABOUT THE KKK, AND THE GUY WHO
TOOK THEM DOWN, SUPERMAN. STETSON KENNEDY,
HE’S JUST A REGULAR SOUTHERN GUY WHO’S WORKING
AS A DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMAN IN GEORGIA,
AND HE THINKS TO HIMSELF, HOW CAN ONE GUY
MAKE A DIFFERENCE? STETSON KENNEDY
MADE THE DECISION, I AM GOING TO INFILTRATE
THE KU KLUX KLAN, LEARN THEIR SECRETS,
AND EXPOSE THEM. SO HE GOES TO A BAR THAT HE KNEW
WAS POPULATED WITH KLANSMEN, AND THIS GUY WALKS UP TO HIM,
AND HE SAYS, HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
I’M SLIM. AND STETSON KENNEDY–
HE’S PLAYING COY AT THIS TIME– HE’S LIKE, OH, HI. YOU KNOW, THEY CHAT AT THE BAR,
AND THEN EVENTUALLY, IT COMES AROUND
TO TALK OF THE KKK, AND SLIM SAYS,
WELL, YOU KNOW, I’M A MEMBER
OF THE KU KLUX KLAN. AND STETSON SAID,
OH, REALLY? AND THE GUY SAYS, YEAH. IF YOU’RE LIKE-MINDED, THEN WE MIGHT HAVE A PLACE
FOR YOU IN OUR ORGANIZATION. AND SO STETSON KENNEDY’S
LIKE, ALL RIGHT, I’M GONNA GO DO THIS. THEY PICK HIM UP
ONE NIGHT, THE DRAG HIM OUT TO THIS
FINAL SWEARING-IN CEREMONY. SO THE KLAN WAS ALL LIKE–
THE KLAN’S ALL LIKE, OOH, THIS IS ALL SUPER SECRET,
AND IF YOU DO THIS, THEN YOU HOLD YOUR HAND UP
LIKE THIS, AND THEN YOU PUT YOUR HAND
OVER YOUR HEART, AND THEN YOU HOLD
YOUR HAND OUT LIKE THIS, AND THEN YOU WAVE TWICE,
AND THEN YOU SAY, “I BELIEVE IN THE TENETS
OF THE KLAN.” HE BECOMES A FULL-FLEDGED MEMBER
OF THE KLAN. STETSON KENNEDY DISCOVERED
THE CHILDISH, DUMB [bleep] THAT THESE GUYS WOULD DO. THEY WERE DUMB SECRETS, LIKE, WE’RE MEETING
AT THE KLAVERN AT MIDNIGHT. IT WAS SECRETS THAT LITTLE KIDS
WOULD HAVE IF THEY HAD A FORT THAT WAS LIKE, NO GIRLS ALLOWED
IN THE “KLAN-KLAVE.” LIKE, THE “KLAN-KLAVE”? THIS IS THE “KLAN-KLAVE,”
AND– CAN WE DO THE HANDSHAKE?
DO YOU WANT TO DO THE HANDSHAKE? – YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
– OKAY. THIS IS–THIS IS THE HANDSHAKE
OF THE KU KLUX KLAN. IT’S A LEFT-HANDED,
LIMP-WRISTED– – LIMP, OKAY.
– LIMP-WRISTED, LIKE THIS. – THEN WE BOTH KNOW
WE HATE– – WE BOTH KNOW
WE HATE BLACK PEOPLE. SO… I’M GONNA LAY ON THE FLOOR, BUT I’M GONNA BE FOCUSED,
I PROMISE. CAN YOU HEAR ME?
– MM-HMM. – DO YOU MIND
IF I LAY RIGHT HERE? STETSON KENNEDY’S WALKING
DOWN THE STREET ONE DAY AND SEES A COUPLE OF KIDS
PLAYING SPY, AND HE THINKS, OH, MY GOD,
THESE SPY GAMES THAT THESE LITTLE KIDS
ARE PLAYING LOOK REMARKABLY SIMILAR
TO THE WAY THAT THE KU KLUX KLAN ACTUALLY DEALS WITH LIFE
AND THE WORLD AROUND THEM. STETSON KENNEDY FOUND THE PEOPLE THAT WERE IN CHARGE
OF THESUPERMANRADIO SHOW, AND HE SAID, I KNOW THE SECRETS
OF THE KU KLUX KLAN. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK
ABOUT A SERIES OF EPISODES WHERE SUPERMAN
TAKES DOWN THE KLAN? I’M YOUR GUY. AND THE PEOPLE
ATSUPERMANSAID… SURE. – HEY, THIS IS–
THIS IS CANTALOUPE. YOU WANT TO PUT THAT
IN YOUR MOUTH? – MM-HMM. – WHAT DID I JUST
PUT IN MY MOUTH? – THAT WAS CANTALOUPE.
– I LIKE CANTALOUPE. – OKAY.
THIS IS PINEAPPLE. DO YOU LIKE PINEAPPLE?
– I LIKE PINEAPPLE. FOR TEN EPISODES
OF THESUPERMANRADIO SHOW, SUPERMAN FOUGHT THE KKK. UP IN THE SKY,
IT’S A BIRD, IT’S A PLANE. NO, IT’S SUPERMAN! SUPERMAN,
BATTLING VALIANTLY AGAINST THE CLAN
OF THE FIERY CROSS. JIMMY OLSEN, PROTECTED
BY THE POWER OF SUPERMAN AND HIS MIGHTY MIGHT. I DON’T [bleep]ING KNOW.
– [laughs] – CAREFUL, JIMMY,
DON’T TOUCH THAT FIERY CROSS. AH, SHUCKS, MR. KENT,
WHATEVER YOU SAY. THERE WAS NO YOUTUBE,
THERE WAS NO PODCASTS. EVERYBODY
LISTENED TO THE RADIO. AS THIS WAS HAPPENING, STETSON KENNEDY
WOULD CALL THEM AND SAY, HERE ARE THE NEW PASSWORDS THAT
THE KKK ARE USING THIS WEEK. THE CODEWORD WAS “ANGLO.” THE PASSWORD
WAS “AMERICAN.” THE NEXT WEEK,
ON THESUPERMANSHOW, SUPERMAN WOULD SHOW UP
AND SAY, “ANGLO.” AND ONE OF THE BAD GUYS
WOULD RESPOND WITH, “AMERICAN.” THE KIDS OF THE KLANSMEN
WERE PLAYING SUPERMAN AGAINST THE KKK. FOLLOWING THE BROADCAST
OF THESUPERMANEPISODES, ONE OF THE HEADS OF THE KLAVERN
SAID TO THE LEADER, SIR, I CANNOT,
IN GOOD CONSCIENCE, CONTINUE AS A MEMBER
OF THIS KLAVERN WHEN MY OWN CHILDREN
ARE POKING FUN AT THE CLAN
OF THE FIERY CROSS. [sneezes] [coughs] [sneezes] – BLESS YOU.
– THANK YOU. [sneezes] [sneezes] WHEN STETSON KENNEDY HAD TAKEN
THE SECRETS OF THE KKK AND MADE THEM
PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE… [sneezes] – BLESS YOU.
– THANK YOU. [begins to sneeze] [blows air] [sneezes] – BLESS YOU.
– THANK YOU. – [laughs] – THANKS TO STETSON KENNEDY,
THE KLAN WAS DEFEATED. AND, IN SO MANY WORDS, [bleep]ING STUPID.

Comments 100

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *