Rose Valland Takes On the Nazis (feat. Tiffany Haddish) – Drunk History


– Back in the day
when I used to date
drug dealers
and gang bangers, I make a dude color
and if you stay in the lines, you know what I’m saying?
– That’s–[laughs] – You know, one of ’em
hit me up from jail and he was like, you know,
my most happiest memory of being free is when
you invite me to your place and I thought I was
gonna hit it, and I’m coloring in this book.
I had this coloring book. [both laughing] The whole messed up thing
about it is, I never did get to hit it.
I was like, ’cause you was
outside the lines, homie. – [laughs]
– Outside the lines. Hi.
Hello. [laughs] I’m Tiffany Haddish, and today
we’re gonna talk about Rose Valland. [slurps] ♪ She ready ♪So, it’s France,
October 1940.
Rose Valland,
the assistant curator
with the Jeu de Paume Museum,she’s like,
you know what I know?
Art.Then all of a sudden, boom.
Nazis everywhere.They took over the museum
like, this our spot!
This where we ‘gon be at!
Ayy!
[laughs]
She’s like, oh, shoot,
it’s Germans everywhere.And what they doing is,
robbing the French Jewsand now they storing all
this stolen art up in there.
And you know why?
You know why? – Hm.
– Do you know why? Let me tell you why.
Because Hitlerwas like a proclaimed artistand he tried
to get into this school.
He was denied because
he couldn’t stay in the lines. – Uh-oh.
– He told his boys,y’all go out there
and y’all get all the artwork.
Now, if it’s German art,
it’s good,
but if it ain’t German art,
burn that shit up.
‘Cause Hitler was mad
’cause he didn’t to get in to the university. ‘Cause you mad you didn’t get
to get in to school. My [bleep] wet.
Don’t worry about it. – [laughs]
– But, Rose is like,the dopest spy.
They up there talking…
[imitates German]They didn’t know
she spoke German.
She like this,
hmm.Taking notes.
Taking notes. Taking notes.
Okay?
So, uh…
different people that worked
under Hitler
would show up
to the museum often.
Like his main man.His name was
Hermann Goring, right?
Now, Hermann, you know,
he so ratchet.– [laughs]
– He like, gimme.
That’s the best!
Run me that!
Run me that right there.
Ooh, that’s nice.
Hey, hey, hey,
give me something to drink.
Bring me some champagne
up in here
while I’m in here picking
the best art.
And Rose would be like…[in French accent]
I don’t know why
these [bleep] are here.
He’s so lazy.
[normal]
Why you even wanna tell me
where you stole it from?Do you know who I am?I’ma–I’ma–
I’ma tell er’body.
She go get the wine
and Hermann be like,
Oh…
[slurps] Magnifique! This is a–
Oh, no, wait, no. He was German.
He be like…[slurps][imitates German]
Delicious!
– [laughs]
– Right? You know. [laughs]
Wait, hold up.
I’m toasted. I’m sorry.
– How you feel? – I feel…fantastic. – [laughs] – Anyways, they would loadthese pieces of art up
on the train.
The Nazis
was putting a lot of stuff
down in these deep,
dark caves.
You hiding stuff in caves?You hiding…freaking…van Goghs in a coal mine?That’s disrespectful.And Rose would be like,
I’ma memorize this.
I’m “memorinizing”
all of it.
Sounding ghetto as hell.
– [laughs]
[both laughing] Did you know I was Jewish?
– I didn’t until tonight. – ‘Cause my father’s Jewish, but my mama’s
a Jehovah’s Witness. So I’m a JewJo. [both laugh] So, uh, it’s December 1944,James Rorimer shows uptrying to holla at Rose.Rose,
I know you know everything.
I need you to get me
all the information
that you have.
Where are all the treasures.
She’s like,
I don’t know you like that.
Who is you?He’s like, I’m James Rorimer.I’m with the Monuments Men.Now this was a collection
of men and womens
who went out to save the
existence of their culture.
Rose, she was dope.
She was like, boom.I got these
addresses right here.
Check this out.
They would stop trains,
they would go to salt mines,they was knocking–
knocking people out. Some people died,
some people lived,but the art was saved.She saved like over
60,000 pieces of culture.
She’s a heroine.[epic music]And then finally Rose is like,
go to Hermann Goring’s house.
Sent him over there, boom.$200 million worthof treasures, culture, art.She hooked that up,and Hermann Goring
was pissed as hell at her.
Like, I can’t believe
she snitched on me!
And when she was bringing me
all these
glasses of champagne.And then Rose does the Nay Nay.Eh!
[laughs]
But he couldn’t do
nothing about it,’cause now
he a prisoner of war.
And Hitler killed himself…they say.I think he hanging out
with Tupac.[hip-hop music][laughing] [both laughing]♪ ♪

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