Remembering the Alamo (feat. Jake Johnson) – Drunk History


– HELLO. TODAY, WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT
THE ALAMO IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS. 1836– ENTER WILLIAM TRAVIS. DODGED OUT ON A BUNCH
OF BUSINESS DEBTS, HE ABANDONED HIS WIFE AND CHILD AND HEADED TOWARDS TEXAS
WITH HIS SLAVE, JOE. JIM BOWIE, HE FORGED
THESE DOCUMENTS THAT HE OWNED ALL THESE GRANTS
IN THE UNITED STATES TERRITORY. JIM BOWIE’S LIKE, YEAH,
THEY’RE ONTO ME HERE. I BETTER GET TO TEXAS, WHERE THEY’RE PROBABLY
NOT AS SMART, AND I’LL START DOING
THIS SAME SHENANIGAN DOWN THERE. CONGRESSMAN DAVY CROCKETT,
EVERYBODY LOVES THIS GUY. THE SAYING GOES, “HE COULD KILL
A GRIZZLY BEAR WITH HIS SMILE.” WELL, AS IT HAPPENS, HE DOESN’T
GET ELECTED FOR A SECOND TERM. AND HE SAYS, YOU CAN GO TO HELL.
I’LL GO TO TEXAS. CROCKETT, TRAVIS, AND BOWIE
HEAD TO TEXAS TO TAKE LAND. MEXICO OWNS
THE TERRITORY OF TEXAS, AND THE LONG-STORY-SHORT
IS THESE GUYS EXPEL A MEXICAN ARMY GARRISON AND THEY TAKE A MISSION
FOR THEMSELVES. AND THAT MISSION
IS THE ALAMO. AND THEY HOLE UP IN THE ALAMO.
BOWIE SAYS, DON’T WORRY. THERE’S NO WAY THE MEXICAN
ARMY’S COMING UNTIL SPRING, BECAUSE THE WINTER’S TOO HARSH
ON THESE HIGH MEXICAN DESERTS. BUT THEY DO COME. SANTA ANNA AND HIS SOLDIERS
ARRIVE IN SAN ANTONIO. THEY’RE ON HIS LAND. AND HE SAYS
TO THE ALAMO DEFENDERS, SURRENDER NOW
OR YOU WILL BE KILLED. [scoffs]
BULL[bleep]. LET’S FIRE A CANNON SHOT
AT SANTA ANNA AND LET HIM KNOW
WE KNOW BUSINESS. AND FIRES A CANNON.
AND THIS PISSES OFF SANTA ANNA. ON FEBRUARY 26TH, 1836,
SANTA ANNA BEGINS THE OFFENSIVE. HE FIRES CANNON VOLLEY
AFTER CANNON VOLLEY, BEATING DOWN THE WALL
OF THE ALAMO. THIS GOES ON FROM FEBRUARY 26TH,
1836, TO MARCH 5TH. THEY’RE TIRED. WILLIAM TRAVIS,
IN ONE OF HIS LAST LETTERS SAID, I KEEP ASKING FOR REINFORCEMENTS
AND NOBODY’S GIVING ME ANYTHING. THEY SEND, LIKE, 30 TEJANOS,
BUT I’M SCREWED. COULD YOU HELP ME
OUT A LITTLE BIT? MM, NOPE. AND THEN FINALLY,
IN THE EARLY MORNING OF MARCH “THIX,” GENERAL SANTA ANNA SAYS, I WILL TAKE MY BREAKFAST INSIDE
OF THE WALLS OF THE ALAMO. AND PREMATURELY,
ONE OF THE SOLDIERS YELLS, VIVA LA SANTA ANNA! AND THAT ALERTS ALL OF
THE DEFENDERS IN THE ALAMO THAT THE ATTACK IS COMING. WILLIAM TRAVIS
RALLIES THE TROOPS. THE MEXICANS ARE AT 1,800 STRONG
AGAINST 200 ALAMO DEFENDERS MADE UP
OF EUROPEANS, JEWS, TWO SLAVES,
WOMEN AND CHILDREN, AND MEXICANS WHO JUST WANT
TO FIGHT FOR THEIR LAND. THERE’S NO WAY
THAT THEY CAN WIN THIS. [dramatic music] COLONEL WILLIAM TRAVIS,
HE RUNS TO THE FRONT WALL, AND IS IMMEDIATELY
SHOT AND KILLED IN THE VERY FIRST STAGES
OF THE ATTACK ON THE ALAMO. AND HIS SLAVE JOE IS LIKE, WELL, EVERYBODY HERE
IS FIGHTING FOR A BIT OF LAND. I’M NOT GONNA GET ANY LAND,
CLEARLY, SO I’M GONNA, HMM, NOT FIGHT.
AND HE TOOK OFF. AND MYTH HAS IT THAT JIM BOWIE
FOUGHT TO THE DEATH. HE MUST HAVE TAKEN OUT
30 MEXICANS WITH HIS BIG KNIFE. THE REALITY IS, HE HAD COME DOWN
WITH A CASE OF TUBERCULOSIS, AND JIM BOWIE WAS SHOT
ON HIS DEATHBED. MEXICAN SOLDIERS BREACHED
THE WALL OF THE ALAMO, AND THE ALAMO
DEFENDERS REALIZE THEY HAVE TO RETREAT
TO THE LONG BARRACKS. SO THE MEXICANS ENTER
THE BARRACKS AND DO AWAY WITH ALL OF THE ALAMO
DEFENDERS IN THE BARRACKS. AND GENERAL SANTA ANNA
TAKES HIS BREAKFAST INSIDE THE WALLS OF THE ALAMO.
AND DAVY CROCKETT IS CAPTURED. [dramatic music] DAVY CROCKETT, GREAT AMERICAN
[stammers] MYTHOLOGICAL LEVEN–LEGEND
IS EXECUTED THAT MORNING. BECAUSE OF THIS,
“REMEMBER THE ALAMO” IS USED AS A RALLY– RALLYING CRY AND TEXAS
BECOMES A STATE. AND THE THING THAT WE CAN
TAKE FROM IT ACADEMICALLY, HISTORICALLY– HOW DOES
DAVY CROCKETT LIKE HIS PIE? – HOW?
– “A LA MODE.” – I GOTTA GO.
– YEAH, ME TOO.

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