This episode brought to you by Stardust. Fans sharing video reactions to movies, TV, and trailers. Also brought to you by Skillshare. Classes taught by expert practitioners for your career or for your passions. Malcolm: My God, I didn’t think you needed to travel to another dimension to prove your love of Christmas! NC: Well, this is said to be the dimension
that loves Christmas the most, and I have to let my love for this
holiday DESTROY THEM ALL! Nobody loves Christmas more than me… to death! Tamara: My God, we may have missed one! [alarm blaring] NC: The last of the Christmassians! Malcolm: It has to be. Tamara: There’s only one way to defeat it. NC: Let’s deck some ass. Tamara: My God, it’s the Christmassian Queen! Malcolm: My God, it’s doubled in size! NC: My God… I thought this was gonna be a challenge! [roar] Tamara: My God, she’s gonna breathe presents on us! NC: AGH! Yuletide chainsaws. Clever girl. [gunfire] Tamara: Oh! Malcolm: Oh! Tamara: She’s spitting gift-wrapped bullets at us! You ingenious bitch, it’s just what I wanted! Malcolm: How did she manage to get bows so small? [roar] Tamara: Oh, no, she’s gonna finish us off with a holiday flamethrower! Malcolm: Just like on my Amazon wishlist. Tamara: Me, too. [roar] Baby, you messed with the wrong holiday. [screaming] CHRISTMAAAAAS!!! [squish] [slashing] [roar of agony] [loud thud] [thud] [more screaming] [screaming and slashing] [gunfire] JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE ALL THE WAY! I think we should stop trying to top ourselves
every year with the Christmas greetings. Getting a little out of hand. Malcolm: Mm-hmm. NC: I think that thing was pregnant… so we get to live with that. [“The Review Must Go On” plays] NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic.
I remember it so you don’t have to. Well, as many of you know, I’ve reviewed what I consider the worst Christmas special ever, “The Christmas Tree”. With its lack of effort, caring,
and complete disinterest in everything Christmas, it was by far the worst Christmas special
I had ever seen. But the internet said, “Hold my beer”,
and apparently found a Christmas special even worse. That is supposed to be
“Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa”. ♪ [“We Wish You a Merry Christmas” instrumental] ♪ Getting a reputation as the “Foodfight” of Christmas specials, this CD abomination aired once in 2002
and then never aired again. Yeah. 2002. To give you an idea,
the show “Reboot” came out in 1994, and every week had this quality to it. This is eight years later and aired ONCE. They look more like the “Reboot” characters’ SEX DOLLS than anything from an evolved art form! But, big deal. Shitty low-budget project
makes shitty low-budget shit. Well, the voice cast is anything but low-budget. It includes Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamill, Princess Ariel, Jodi Benson, Princess Belle, Paige O’Hara, Azula, Grey DeLisle, Black Power Ranger, Walter Jones, MADtv’s Debra Wilson, and even Bart Simpson, Nancy Cartwright, who also has a producing credit on it! A goddamn PRODUCING credit! Did…
Did everyone forget this guy accepts a lot of blame?! How did this happen? How did this make it to air? How did they get all these people involved?! Well, surely there must be something that… There must just be something! Anything! God! Am I wrong, or did I have my soul
horrendously sucked out of me? NC’s Soul: Later.
NC: Miss you. This is “Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa”. Oh, look, South Park’s animation somehow managed to get cheaper. Yeah, music by “I’m totally Danny Elfman, everybody!
I’m totally Danny Elfman!” Thus, we see one of our main characters walking home. Ricky:
♪ It was the week before Christmas that I’m talking ♪ ♪ I spent the day shopping with my Grandma, walking ♪ NC: Now, don’t be alarmed by the red that you’re seeing… it’s just your eyes bleeding from watching the animation. Fear not, you don’t get used to it. This render that didn’t quite make it to the recycling bin is named Ricky. He’s just dropping some “mad hits”
on his way home from school. Ricky: ♪ I’ve been a good boy through the year,
you better know it ♪ ♪ Get ready, Santa Claus’ll start deckin’ the halls with gifts ♪ NC: And yes, eager viewer I know is dying to ask… he does rap ALL throughout the entire special. Ricky: ♪ It’s for Nicole, the honey
I know she’s into money ♪ ♪ I’m a decorating master, no one is faster ♪ ♪ Smithy’s small and round
He’s closest to the ground ♪ ♪ One, two, three, is all I see ♪ ♪ If you wanna know what you can trust ♪ ♪ It’s that Santa believes in us ♪ ♪ I’ve been told this time of year is for giving ♪ NC: Oh, trust me, there’s no “forgivin”‘ in any of this! Hey, look, he leaves no footprints in the snow. Well, THAT’S a detail I’m surprised they left out! After snapping his neck from looking up, [neck cracking] he gets the smile of a serial killer
looking at all the toys in the store. Ricky: One, two, three, and no more. NC: Aww, he was looking down at the animation budget. Actually, it’s higher than I expected. He eventually goes home to look at his teddy bear. His mom gave this bear ’cause of love,
so he’ll give this bear ’cause of love. I have no idea what that means,
but that is LITERALLY the dialogue. Ricky: Mama, you gave me this bear ’cause of love. So I’ll give this bear…’Cause of love. NC: Don’t worry, though. The visuals explain it better. Well, THAT cleared everything up! The next day, he goes to school… …a school that misspelled the word “excellence.” Isn’t that a freakin’ metaphor? You can’t spell excellence, you can’t achieve excellence! Nah, too easy. Inside the school, I guess… this is going on. Nicole: And mommy schedules me for my own hair lady… [boing] Smithy! Smithy: Hey, Nicole, duck! I mean, dinosaur! [laughs] NC: Anyone else getting the feeling this was a student’s final project for an “Intro to 3D Animation” class? One that had a great big F on it?! Smithy: I was just giving it some extra fluff! I guess the pressure to bug ya is just too much for me to resist! NC: You know, the animation’s so bad, I’m seriously debating whether or not that’s supposed to be a scarf or his lips. Zeke: Come on, Ricky’s gonna decorate the tree! Todd: Let’s just see what Ricky Rhymemaster can do! Haha! NC: It’s actually impressive how much that voice doesn’t match. I think it actually took effort to get that wrong. Maybe the only effort put into any of this. Todd: Aw, come on, Smithy! Didn’t your mommy teach you to share? NC: I mean, make no mistake,
everybody in this special should sound like… [distorted robot voice]
“WE ARE NINTENDO.” “YOU CANNOT BEAT US.” But that still seemed particularly off. Ricky: ♪ I’m a decorating master, no one is faster ♪ ♪ Don’tcha know, I’m a Christmas tree blaster ♪ NC: Hmm, those rhymes ARE pretty revolutionary. However, have you thought about considering… “♪ I’m a butt-ugly taint made in Microsoft Paint ♪ ♪ Hairy shit-covered tampons that’ll make your ass faint ♪” Just rapping from the heart. They go to their homeroom, taught by a malfunctioning Hall of Presidents animatronic. Ms. Parmington: Now sit down! PLEASE! NC: “We can’t! They don’t know how to animate that yet!” Oh, I’m not kidding…they never do sit down. Time passes, and they’re already standing before recess. It really was too hard to animate them sitting down! Except the creepy, random adult who seems to be sitting there stone cold the whole time. He just likes to watch. Ms. Parmington:
Remember, come in promptly at the bell! Ricky: ♪ Teacher, don’t you worry ♪ ♪ Be right back in a hurry ♪ NC: “♪ Though my lip movements
will be awfully blurry ♪” Oh, I take it back…
Sitting down isn’t the hardest thing to animate… It’s circles! GODDAMN CIRCLES, THE FIRST THING YOU LEARN TO ANIMATE IN CGI CLASS! But look at ’em! They look like flat cutouts! And even the flat cutouts don’t have the shape of a full circle! Smithy: No one can catch the Smith-man! Tug: I’m gaining on you, Smithy! NC: (as Tug) “Right after we’re done reenacting Rose on the bow of the Titanic! WE’RE SO ALIVE!” Zeke: Whoa, this reeks. I want waves, not ice! Surfing stinks on ice. NC: That sad moment you realize
they could’ve made a superior movie by just playing The Sims and talking over it. I think the Deluxe Edition would’ve come out about now. But one of the boys named Smithy
is really attached to his sandwich! That equals development now! Todd: Mmm! Smithy: NO!!! You go back where you belong! Todd: I SAID GET OFF! NC: Okay, if you focus any longer on that sandwich, we’re gonna start making phallic connections. You already are, aren’t you?! Todd: Mmm! NC: GOD, THIS SPECIAL’S BAD! Female Student: Ms. Parmington,
get him away from me! Zeke: [mocking the girl] “Get him away from me!” Ms. Parmington: That means he likes you. NC: Ah, it’s the same school Al Franken went to. Principal: This is such a great time of year,
Ms. Parmington! Lenee: Hello, sir.
I hope you have a really, really happy holiday. Principal: Why, thank you, Lenee. NC: [robot voice] “MORGAN FREEMAN BOT
DESTROY YOU ALL WITH LASER ARMS” “Oh, I mean, uh…HAPPY HOLIDAYS” Ms. Parmington: I know that my family is just going to spoil me rotten to the core. Principal: I…uh… Ms. Parmington: As it’s been another wonderful year in the Parmington Household. Principal: Uh yes, ma’am… Students: Merry Christmas! ♪ I want my…
I want my… ♪ ♪ I want my M-60! ♪ [gunfire] Ms. Parmington: OK, children!
I wish you all a wonderful holiday! Now please clean up your area before you leave! NC: And don’t forget to blink! Please try to blink at least once over the holidays! Ms. Parmington: Yeah yeah yeah… NC: Ah jeez, the maxi pads have taken flight again… Women problems… am I right, ladies? Ms. Parmington: I guess those skills come later. NC: Ah, now it’s time to play what pops up very frequently in this special: “Drunk Face or Kill Face?” Tamara: Drunk face! It’s a drunk face!
Malcolm: Kill face! Kill face! Kill face! [arguing] NC: I’m gonna say… drunk face! [ding] Yeah! Got it right! Tamara: Speaking of which… Why haven’t we started on ours? NC: Yeah… that’s a really valid point. So [sigh] 13 minutes into this 40-minute special, and you notice something missing? It starts with P and it’s “plot”. There is no plot. Nothing seems to be going on aside from us trying to figure out if this was a troll movie or a mob front. I’d strangely have respect if it was both. Finally, the poorly-rendered wheels of storytelling are in motion as Ricky gives Nicole his teddy bear. Ricky: Merry Christmas, Nicole! Nicole: Have you lost your mind?! Are you purposely trying to embarrass me? I can’t even exchange this nasty, old thing! NC: (as Nicole) “Which is why I’m still holding on to it.” Anti-sentimental purposes! Ricky: You might be smart with books,
but you sure are stupid! I give you a real gift and you don’t get it! NC: You know, I’m not gonna lie, I really thought Parappa the Rapper’s origin story
would be more interesting than this. Smithy: Hey, brat!
Who do you think you are? Treating people the way you do? Critic: Perhaps we should discuss this more on the ruins of Peach’s Castle from Mario 64. Lenee: [laughs] This is so great! I know you like this stuff, Nicole. NC: Is there any particular reason that girl’s hair looks like Chewbacca’s butt cheeks? Is this all just another Life Day tradition
I’m gonna wish I didn’t know about? Lenee: What do you think Santa will bring you this year? Nicole: [laughs] You still believe in Santa Claus? [laughs again] NC: [robot girl voice] “We will eat human brains after turning your skin into binary code.” Nicole: [still laughing] Santa Claus… NC: Nicole talks with her mother about what a good kid she’s been all year. Nicole: You know I’m the bestest kid in the world, mommy. Nicole’s Mom: I know you are…
and I’m the luckiest mom in the world. NC: (as Nicole’s mom) So lucky, I’ll just dematerialize in the next shot. Hey if she’s been raptured, there’s still hope it could still happen to the rest of the cast. Nicole: ♪ Look at me ♪ NC: Oh, yeah, we’re almost halfway through the special. Makes sense to have our first song… I know Ricky’s “technically” rapping, but that’s in the context of the story. It’s something he did for fun they acknowledged he was doing it. This is an actual full-blown musical number. In that…it fully blows to witness any of it! Nicole: ♪ Look and you’ll see
The best kid in the world ♪ NC: I’m so glad her parents got that wallpaper from freedownloadabletextures.org. It’s so hideous even the snow tried backing away from it. Yeah…that just happened. Nicole: ♪ Straight A student ♪ ♪ Homework’s always on time ♪ ♪ Look at me ♪ NC: I hope you’re enjoying this “amazing” choreography, because there’s over FOUR minutes of it left! That’s how long this song is. If you’re ever sick of “Let It Go”, just
remember you could be listening to mashed potato heads from Rapsittie Street Kids. A special where only ONE KID RAPS! Oh, and all his raps combined still equal
HALF the time of this one song! Nicole: ♪ Look at me ♪ NC: I really don’t want to look at you.
Our eyes have bled enough. In fact, I think we all need a break to
look at something more pleasant. Something that’s gonna hurt our eyes a little less. So if you excuse me, I’m gonna go look at the sun! Ohhhhh… that feels better. Doug: Here we go…Stardust presents two of the three funniest reactions to [sigh] Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa. AdorkableRachel:
WHAT THE FUCK, Nostalgia Critic?! Why did you encourage me to watch this special? I mean… I thought that The Christmas Tree was bad, but THIS?! This is just INSANE! The animation? HORRIBLE! The story? HORRIBLE! The voice acting… actually kind of okay…
and you know why? Because it’s got some voice acting LEGENDS in it! Are you kidding me? I mean like Jodi Benson, Nancy Cartwright, Paige O’Hara…Mark HAMILL? What the FUCK! Doug: Just download the Stardust app at the link below and you too can see my latest reactions including: Avengers: Infinity War, The Disaster Artist, and yes, Rapsittie Street Kids. Be sure to follow us at NostalgiaCritic and be sure to stay tuned after to see who was the funniest one, as well how you can be in the next episode. Doug: You suck! That’s not true. I love you,
but I’m sure you suck at something. We all do. For example, I suck at making a GIF. I know that should be, like, the easiest thing for an internet person to do, but I never figured out how to do it. But thankfully, whatever you suck at, there’s probably a class for it on SkillShare. This is an online learning communitity with more than 17,000 classes in design, photos, and more. They have every kind of class you can imagine. You want to draw your friend like a Disney character? You can. You wanna learn how to write comedy? You can. Or, if you’re an idiot like me and you want to do something simple like make a GIF, they even have a class for that. And if you get their premium membership, you can get unlimited access to all of them. You can improve your skills, unlock new possibilities, and do the work your love. An annual subscription is less than $10 a month, making it one of the best deals you can find for online education. And since they are sponsoring for this video, the first 500 people to click on the link below get their first two months free to try out. Whatever you don’t know, you can learn it here, and for a great price. Click on the link below to try you free trial today. Anything you want to learn is just a click away. NC: So pincushion Irma is upset about there being no Santa Claus and decides to ask when her dad
is getting back with the tree. Lenee: When’s Daddy coming home? Lenee’s Mom: Soon… right after he picks up the Christmas tree. Come on…it’s Christmas! NC: Who the hell buys a tree Christmas DAY? I guess I shouldn’t complain. They did finally master the incredible art of sitting down. Though… maybe not…
I think they just melted into the ground a little bit. Yeah…knowing this special that seems very probable. Ricky goes to mail some letters,
when one of them to Santa falls out, which confesses how much the bear he
gave to Nicole meant to him. Nicole sees it and starts to read: Nicole: [reading] Even Nicole gave him a special bear that Mommy… [shocked] Oh no, Ricky! NC: Umm, Did Ricky’s pencil not render enough to keep all the letters on that paper? I’m beginning to think this was directed by one of the rings from Superman 64! Meanwhile, Ricky
talks with his great-grandmother… [unintelligible gibberish] I’m sorry, could you say that again? [unintelligible gibberish] …we’ll come back to that.
Why don’t we move on to the next sentence? [more unintelligible gibberish] “Every time a minute of this plays,
a Pixar animator kills himself.” WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON!? Am I really seeing this? Every time she talks, it’s like hearing a dolphin read from the Necronomicon. This can’t be real! [more unintelligible gibberish] Papa Klump: Somebody better call an exorcist! NC: Oh, wait, I got it! It’s backwards speech!
If you take the audio and reverse it… …you can hear what she’s actually saying!
Go ahead…let’s try it! NC: (as Grandma) I’m recording this dialogue at the Pentagon where they’re holding Jesus. He’s still alive, and he has plans…
plans the government doesn’t want you to know about! The answers are in the Christmas special. It’s filled with clues. That’s why none of it makes any goddamn sense. Re-watch the special to find the truth!
RE-WATCH THE SPECIAL TO FIND THE TRUTH! NC: Oh my God! Nah…it’s not worth it. So Nicole looks in the dumpster
for the bear she threw out. Tug: The poor little princess has turned into a garbage man! [boys laughing] NC: (as Tug) “Did you like our attempt
at a threesome there?” [boys laughing] NC: They don’t find it, but Smithy hears that the cleaning man keeps some of his garbage in the basement. [Smithy making creaking noise] [Lenee and Nicole scream] Girls: Smithy! Smithy: I love creeping out creepy girls! NC: What did he do that was creepy? Oh! He merely existed, that explains everything. (yeah) Smithy: Look, a spider! Nicole: No! [Smithy laughs] Nicole: Oh…not funny, Smithy! How the hell is that basement lit? Are we watching it from the worst, yet somehow also best, nighttime goggles? Do they belong to that guy from the desk?
[sinister music] Now I know what I did wrong… This special came with a strip of acid and I forgot to take it. Well, now this is gonna make sense… Yeah…no, it’s still awful.
It just looks like I’m watching it in the Matrix now. (as Keanu Reeves) Whoa. They decide to go to the junkyard but it looks like it’s guarded by… dog ducks! They come from the upside down and somehow their CGI looks even worse! [Dogs barking]
[Festive action music] Todd: We must smell like dog food! Smithy: Hey, now what’re you gonna do? NC: But Smithy has an idea for how to get them off their backs. Smithy: Just watch how smart I am! NC: Wow…no wonder he held onto that sandwich.
It’s Zardoz! “Zardoz…Zardoz…” The sandwich lands on the bullies and the turd geese chase after them, finally allowing the kids to find the bear. Nicole: Here. Ricky: This was a gift for you. Nicole: But doesn’t it mean a lot to you? Ricky: Yes, and so does…friendship. NC: CUT! Christ! Nana: I can remember you, Robert, as a little boy. Lenee’s Mom: I remember one early morning my sister, brother and I were running down the stairs. We thought that Santa… Critic: Whoop, Grandma died. Get the shovel! Lenee’s Mom …and to my surprise, there right on our porch, set brand-new bicycles… NC: We really should be digging. Her legs have already left this world; the rest of hercan’t be far behind. Lenee’s Dad: Hi, sweetheart! I understand you can use… NC: Oh my God, you can see his eyelids!
YOU CAN SEE THROUGH HIS EYELIDS! I am not a computer programmer, but how hard is that? How hard is it to give someone eyelids? How does he sleep? HOW DOES HE SLEEP!?! Lenee: ♪ Daddy, will you try and help me understand? ♪ ♪ Daddy, are you sure… ♪ NC: You know…not that I’m not having a burning dumpster fire of fun, but shouldn’t this be over? What else is left? The kid got his bear back… That was the closest thing to a story! So how’s there still 10 minutes left? Nicole’s Dad: Hoho…our princess has my good looks and your spending habits. NC: Oh, I forgot… We can’t end this cauldron of nightmares without revealing that The Joker is Nicole’s dad! Nicole’s Mom: I bought you a new suit. Nicole’s Dad: That’s how I get get most of my suits. [laughs] [Joker’s laugh] Put a big smile on Pumpkin, it’s Christmas! And you know what that means… Joker: “Millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle!” Nicole’s Dad: Nothing’s too good for my princess, and I’ve got the credit card bills to prove it. Joker: “I’m crazy enough to take on Batman,
but the IRS? No, thank you!” Nicole: I am the perfect little girl. NC: Little? Aren’t you 13?
Hell, the way you’re animated, you could be 90! Nicole’s Dad: I got the most beautiful wife and daughter, and of course they have the most handsome husband and father. Tamara: Drunk face! That is a drunk face!
Malcolm: Kill face! Kill face! Kill face! Look at that! [arguing] NC: I’m gonna say… Kill face! [ding] Yeah, got it right again! Now, go start the car. Ricky opens up his gift and finds it’s… …presumably the software that made this movie. Lenee’s Mom: Jenna, I think I see
something in the backyard. Jenna: Oh, wow! Thank you, Santa! NC: (as Jenna) “A dead mounted horse! Just what my sick fetish always wanted!” Lenee: [laughs] How cool is that? NC: (as Lenee) Well, let my ghost legs dissolve through my skirt to take a look! So they all meet up at one house because… …their families are close…? And Ricky’s great grandma gives her hex curse once more! Grandma: Do you know what, Nicole? I never stopped believing in Santa! NC: Wait, she can talk now? She recovered from her stroke? Okay, whatever, what does she have to say? [unintelligible mumbling] Grandma: …CHRISTMAS! NC: WHAT IS GOING ON?! Goddamn it, Grandma! Wait until you fully load before you say anything! Or fully load in, which I think you already are! Todd: What’s that? NC: Oh, look! Satan Claws is trying to break into our realm. No luck today, you shadowy overlord. There’s more than enough evil here. Nicole: I believe in Santa! Nicole’s Dad: I am so proud of you, princess. NC: [forcing laughter] FUN. And, naturally, we end on the kindest and most comforting final line any Christmas special has ever given us. Nicole’s Dad: SHUT THAT DOOR. NC: Not even kidding, that’s the final line. Nicole’s Dad: SHUT THAT DOOR! NC: Why end on that? It’s beyond bizarre. I so want to see other Christmas specials end so abruptly. Nicole’s Dad: “SHUT THAT DOOR!” Narrator: Maybe Christmas perhaps… means a little– Nicole’s Dad: “SHUT THAT DOOR!” Tiny Tim: God bless us, everyone. Nicole’s Dad: “SHUT THAT DOOR!” NC: But hey, that’s not the funniest part. The funniest part is after the end credits. Where they actually advertise that the Rapsittie Street Kids WILL BE BACK! Yeah! They’re as popular as Superman so they had to advertise their next adventure in the credits just like his movies. “A Bunny’s Tale”, huh? Well, seeing how this came out in 2002 and there’s STILL NO FOLLOW-UP to it, I’m just assuming they’re working REALLY HARD on it. In fact, with all that extra time put in, I wouldn’t be shocked if the final product was this! [“Jingle Bells” playing on kazoo] What the hell did I watch?! Rapsittie Street Kids is awful; one of the worst! It’s lazy, it’s boring, it’s hideous to look at. But is it worse than “The Christmas Tree”? Well, it’s like comparing Nickelback with Creed. They’re both the worst, but one’s just gonna annoy you more than the other. Personally the fact that it looks like more money went into the production of “The Christmas Tree”, which by God I never though I would say that, seems a little bit more insulting in how bad it is. Christmas Tree is more memorably bad, where this one I feel like I could forget pretty quickly. It’s that boring. But don’t get me wrong, I can see how anyone can declare this the WORST holiday special. It IS amazingly bad
and incredibly difficult to suffer though. It just depends on what offends you more, but whatever your tolerance, trust me… you’ll be offended by this giant piece of shit. You know what though, it’s got me thinking… Tamara: And what’s that, Critic? NC: About what Christmas is really about… Malcolm: Really? This special helped you realized that? NC: Well, in its total lack of creativity and effort, it did make me realize what’s really important… Tamara: Family? NC: That is important, but there’s something more… Malcolm: Love? Critic: That’s also important, but something more… Tamra: Effort? Critic: Even more than all those things combined. There is one thing that’s more important… Malcolm: Well, what is it, Critic? NC: It’s SHUT THAT DOOR! ♪ [“The Review Must Go On” plays again] ♪ [record needle scratch] Doug: Ah-bah-bah! Don’t think we didn’t forget about the funniest reaction to this piece-of-shit special! Here it is! You also want to be in the next Nostalgia Critic? Well, download the Stardust app and check out the
Muppet Family Christmas. This is a great special you can watch on YouTube, and we’re looking for your reactions to it. Just click the link below to download the app, use this hashtag, and we’ll once again pick the best three and put it in the next video. And be sure to follow us at NostalgiaCritic
to get all my latest reactions. Grandma: [unintelligible gibberish]