Nicole Byer Boxes an Internet Troll – My Least Favorite Thing


(happy music) – Hi, I’m Zack Bornstein. If you’re like me, you do things
you don’t like all the time but you know who else does that? Celebrities. Welcome to the show
where we get to know your favorite celebrities, while they do their
least favorite thing. It’s my favorite thing. Oh! Alright. Today we are joined
by Nicole Byer. You know her from Nailed
It, Loosely Exactly Nicole and we don’t have all
day, let’s just say a lot of people pay her. So Nicole, what is your
least favorite thing? – Confrontation. – And why is that? – Because I don’t like
to confront friends. It doesn’t feel good. You go to sleep and you’re
like “Why did I say that?”. – And, do you
consider us friends? – No. – Okay! Today we’re going to be boxing. Which now feels a
little disingenuous knowing that she doesn’t
consider me a friend, but that’s fine. Let’s get into it. – You gonna cry? – I will. – [Announcer] Confrontation. – We’re in the
square now, the ring, and you’re really gonna have
to confront these questions. They’re gonna- They’re gonna be coming
at ya, you ready? – Yes. – Alright, let’s do it. – Oh boy. (bell ringing) That was good! – You do a lot of stand-up. Doing stand-up do you
ever confront hecklers? – Yes, I confront hecklers. It’s usually only white dudes
who have something to say. – Uh huh. (ding) (laughing) – You posted on Twitter that
you found a piece of poop in an airplane blanket.
– Sure did. – Were you able to return
it to it’s creator? – No, I was not! It was a whole thing. – What did you get
from the airline? – I got 50,000 miles,
my ticket refunded and 600 Delta dollars. – I once, this is true,
I was sitting behind a pair of brothers on a
Spirit Airlines flight and there was a woman
in between them who throughout the flight,
fellated each of them. I complained to Spirit
Airlines and they offered me a 40 dollar
credit, is that fair? Or should I have gotten more? – You should have gotten more. You should have
gotten a blowjob. (ding) – So, what’s the worst
penis you’ve ever seen? – A micro penis. – Uh huh, how did
you discover it? – He pulled down his
pants and his little dingle dangle was very tiny. It looked like a thimble. Wasn’t good, it was
like sucking a ring pop. (ding) (laughing) (slow electronic music) – You want some water? – No, I’m okay. No! – This may come as
a surprise to you, but the internet actually has
it’s fair share of bullies. – Really? – So we actually found
some real You Tube comments about you from internet trolls, and this is your chance– – Okay. – To confront them. – Okay. – Bring out the trolls! (upbeat electronic music) We have for you, a
trolls greatest weakness. A baseball bat.
– A baseball bat. – Speak truth to those cowards! – Okay. Aw man, Zack! (bell ringing) That was pretty good! – I don’t know how she
made it on this show, but she is not a good comedian. – Comedy’s (beep) subjective you little dildo. (ding) – I hate her so much
because she’s not funny. – Ah! (ding) She thinks making
voices makes her funny. – It does! Everybody loves a voice! – Ah hilarious. Dammit Nicole, don’t
let white people know we eat on the toilet. They didn’t know that yet. They’re too preoccupied
with basketball and rap. – What? – Kill her, kill her! – No. – Kill her with the bat. Get her in the head. – I have a baby. – She doesn’t have a baby. – I kidnapped someone’s
baby and I have it. (upbeat electronic music) – We’re gonna do something
now to help the both of us. – Okay, great. – You need to get
better at confrontation and I’m way over budget. – Okay. – So we’re gonna have
you fire our actual hair and make up artist, Blake. – Okay. – I think he might
be stealing from us. – Wow. – Hey Blake, can we get
a touch up on Nicole? – [Blake] Yep. – Blake, right? – Yeah. – Yes. – Are you guys rolling on this? – You got–okay. We gotta let you go. (ding) – Funny. – But we heard you
were stealing Blake. – No, what? – Yep, we heard
you were stealing, that your car is
filled with brushes and sponges and Cheetos. – Why are you, why
is this happening? – When you were
doing my make up, you put white
people color on me. – Oh my God. (beep) this!
– Hey! – (beep) all this!
– Hey! – Blake, Blake, Blake
come here, come here. I’m sorry about Nicole. You know how like
celebrities can– – This is your– It’s a celebrity you
know, you can’t– – Celebrity? Stop calling me a celebrity,
I’m mildly successful. (upbeat electronic music) – So this has been tough
so far, but don’t you find that confrontation
is the hardest with
people that you love? – Yes. – That is why we have
brought your real roommate, John Milhiser, who has
some actual bones to pick. Get out here John! (upbeat electronic music) Alright guys, what is
the one thing that Nicole does that really pisses
you off the most? – That she hasn’t walked or
fed our dogs in six months. – Get her! – Ow! It hasn’t been six months! Also, I travel! I travel a lot! – When she’s in town,
what does she do instead of walking it? Why doesn’t she help? – She watches My 600 Pound Life. (laughing) – Hit me.
– Alright. – Hit me as hard as you can. – Hit me as hard as you can. – I’m not gonna hit
you as hard as I– – Hit me as hard as you can. Hit me as hard as you can. Hit me as hard–oof. – John, why did you do that? Nicole, what is the one
thing that John does that pisses you off the most? – That he doesn’t do
everything I ask him to do. I want him to dress up in drag. – Why don’t you let her John? It pisses her off! – Yeah! – Because other
people are good at it and they should be
the ones doing it. – Okay John, I’ll feed
the dogs, I’m sorry. – Okay I’ll dress
up like a woman. (ding) – Wow! This was oddly effective. – Honestly! Honestly that is our
relationship in a nutshell. – That you guys just wail
on each other until– – No, that he’ll agree
to dress up as a woman and I’ll do something
simple like feed a dog. – Guys, we beat confrontation. – [Announcer]
Confrontation defeated. – Thanks for gettin’
real with me today and thanks for these IV drips. – Hey, no problem. – Now final question. – Okay. – And be honest, don’t
hold back any realness. – Okay. – If you could give
your 10 year old self any piece of advice– – Okay. – What would it be? – Well I guess I would say “Hello little Nicole, well
you’re cute aren’t you?” “Look at those cheeks!” “Well, little Nicole, you’re
gonna become a big Nicole” “and as you grow
you’re gonna interact” “with so many people,
little Nicole.” “You’re gonna have to deal with
confrontation little Nicole” “Sometimes you’ll have
to follow through” “and confront people
little Nicole.” “Also little Nicole,
you’re gonna get bigger,” “fatter, taller, me!” “I’m you from the future.” “Little Nicole, don’t
call your Momma!” “Goodbye little Nicole.” “Goodbye!” I think that’s what I would
say to my 10 year old self – It was beautiful. – Hey, Zack, thanks. – I came here thinking
of Nicole as a stranger and I left thinking of
her as someone my producer paid to talk to me. Join us next time on more of My Least Favorite Thing!
– Favorite Thing! (pop) (crash)

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