Key & Peele – Office Homophobe


[rhythmic bass beat,
sensual moans] ♪ ♪ – LATRELL? – WHAT’S UP, BABY GIRL? – CAN YOU PLEASE TURN
THAT OFF? – WHY, YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC?
– IS IT MUSIC? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH
OF SEX NOISES OVER A BASS LINE. – OH. I GET IT. YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC
‘CAUSE I’M GAY. YOU CAN’T HANDLE
A GAY MAN’S MUSIC. – NO, NO, NO. IT’S–I’M TRYING TO WORK HERE, AND THAT MUSIC
IS WEIRDLY SEXUAL. – OH, I SEE. SO MY SEXUALITY IS WEIRD. YOU JUST CAN’T FATHOM A MAN
BEING ATTRACTED TO ANOTHER MAN. – I CAN FATHOM IT.
IT’S– CAN YOU JUST PLEASE LISTEN
TO SOME OTHER GAY MUSIC, LIKE BARBRA STREISAND
OR SOMETHING– – OH, I SEE, I SEE.
OKAY. SO LISTENING
TO BARBRA STREISAND IS GAY. STEREOTYPE MUCH? [keys clacking] SO YOU SEEING
ANYBODY LATELY? – YEAH, I-I MEAN, KIND OF. I THINK– – ‘CAUSE I GOT IT GOOD
LAST NIGHT. OH, IT WAS LIKE, DAMN!
I MEAN, MY MAN WAS LIKE, BLOP! LIKE, HE HAD A BABY ARM HOLDING
ON TO A APPLE. – AW, DON’T CALL IT
A BABY ARM. – AW. I SEE. SO YOU CAN’T HANDLE HEARING
ABOUT HOW I’M GAY. I’M SORRY. – YOU JUST REFERRED
TO YOUR BOYFRIEND’S PENIS AS A BABY’S ARM
HOLDING AN APPLE. – WELL, THAT’S WHAT
IT LOOKED LIKE. AND IT’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND,
BY THE WAY. AND “ANYWHATS,”
YOU’RE HOMOPHOBIC. – NO, NO, NO.
THAT’S NOT HOMOPHOBIC, OKAY? YOU’RE EXPLICITLY TALKING
ABOUT SEXUAL THINGS IN THE WORKPLACE. – FINE. THERE’S PLENTY OF STUFF
THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT. YOU KNOW, UH, MY PENIS CUP, MY SCROTUM COZIES THAT I HAVE
BEEN KNITTING RECENTLY– OH, WITH THESE KNITTING NEEDLES
THAT I HAVE JUST NOTICED LOOK LIKE LITTLE, SKINNY,
PURPLE PENISES, ET CETERA AND ET CETERA. – OH, MY GOD. – CAN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE, AND THEN YOU TELL ME
IF IT’S GOOD FOR FACEBOOK? – OKAY, I’M FAIRLY CERTAIN
YOU’RE GOING TO SHOW ME SOMETHING OVERTLY SEXUAL. – DON’T YOU PREJUDGE ME!
HERE IT IS. – AGH! [bleep]! THAT’S A CLOSE-UP
OF AN ANUS. – OH, NO, THAT’S NOTANANUS. THAT’S MY ANUS, BABY GIRL. – THAT’S DISGUSTING.
– OH, I SEE. SO YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE
A CLOSE-UP PICTURE OF MY ANUS ‘CAUSE YOU HATE GUY MEN. – NO. I DON’T WANT TO LOOK
AT A CLOSE-UP PICTURE OF ANYONE’S ANUS. – HOMOPHOBE. HOMOPHOBE.
THERE’S A HOMOPHOBE RIGHT HERE. HO–
[blows whistle] HOMOPHOBE ALERT! [high-pitched voice]
HOMOPHOBE! [imitating siren wailing] – HEY. – HEY, BABY.
HOW’S IT GOING? – GOOD.
READY TO GO TO LUNCH? – YEAH. UH, LATRELL, THIS IS GAVIN. GAVIN, THIS IS LATRELL.
THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND. – HOW YOU DOING? – I’M–I’M–
I’M DOING VERY WELL. HOW–HOW ARE YOU DOING,
GAVIN–GAVIN? – GREAT. WANT TO GO?
– YEAH. – NICE TO MEET YOU. – NO, TRUST ME.
IT’S NOT. – NO?
– THAT’S THE GUY. – OH. – OH…
I GET IT. I’M NOT PERSECUTED.
I’M JUST A ASSHOLE. AH.

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