Key & Peele – Insult Comic


[cheers and applause] – THANK YOU, SIR. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, HOW’S EVERYBODY–
HOW’S EVERYBODY DOING? [cheers] ALL RIGHT,
AND YOU GUYS CAN ALL HEAR ME OKAY?
all: YEAH. – I KNOW THIS GUY
CAN RIGHT HERE. BOY, THIS GUY’S EARS
ARE SO BIG, HE’S LAUGHING AT JOKES
FROM THE YUK-YUK CLUB ALL THE WAY
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN. [laughter] ALL RIGHT. AND YOU, SIR,
YOU’RE DOING OKAY? AND YOU’RE GETTING ENOUGH
TO EAT? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? [laughter] THANK YOU, SIR. FOLKS, I’M SORRY, I’M GONNA GET EVERYBODY TONIGHT. NOBODY IS SAFE.
I’M GETTING EVERYBODY. EXCEPT FOR YOU, SIR.
I’M GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE. JUST LIKE YOUR DATE DID TONIGHT.
HELLO! HUH?
ALL RIGHT. OKAY, WHO’S NEXT? WHO IS NEXT? HEY, MA’AM, I GET IT,
YOU HAVE BREASTS, OKAY? JEEZ, I MEAN,
LOOK AT THIS CHICK OVER HERE. HER CLEAVAGE IS GIVING
THE GRAND CANYON AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX. [laughter] – [computerized voice]
YOU SKIPPED ME. – WHO’S TALKING RIGHT NOW? – DO ME. – YEAH, HEY, MAN. LOOK AT THAT PINK SHIRT
YOU GOT ON THERE. WOW, WHERE’D YOU GET THAT?
QUEERTSHIRTS.COM? – IT’S IN SUPPORT
OF BREAST CANCER AWARENESS. I AM GAY, THOUGH. – OKAY. – GO FOR IT. I CAN TAKE IT. – HMM?
OH, YEAH, YEAH. NO, HEY, YEAH, DON’T YOU WORRY
ABOUT THAT, MAN. GLOVES ARE COMING OFF. OKAY. RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE, WHAT’S
WITH THE THREE DRINKS, MAN? ALCOHOLIC MUCH? – THIS
IS MY PAIN MEDICATION. – OF [bleep] COURSE IT IS. IT’S YOUR PAIN MEDICATION. ‘CAUSE HE IS IN PAIN. RIGHT NOW. – MAKE FUN OF THE BURNS. – MAKE FUN OF THE–
WHAT DID YOU SAY? BECAUSE HERE’S THE PROBLEM, SIR,
IS IT’S REALLY DARK IN HERE, AND, SORRY, ARE YOU BURNED?
BECAUSE I CAN’T MAKE IT OUT. THANKS SO MUCH, MA’AM,
FOR ILLUMINATING HIM. THANK YOU.
THAT’S–I APPRECIATE THAT. OH, THOSE BURNS.
– MAKE FUN OF THE ROBOT VOICE. – SIR, I DON’T KNOW. – COME ON,
I CAN TAKE IT. – OKAY, WELL, NO,
YOU KNOW WHAT? I FEEL–
– OR THE WHEELCHAIR. – LOOK, SIR,
THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT YOU BEING
IN A WHEELCHAIR, AND WE CAN ALL–
– OH, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT ME BEING FAT? – ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, FINE. FINE. I’VE GOT IT.
I’VE GOT IT. I’M DOING IT.
I’M DOING IT. I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO GO
AFTER THIS GUY ‘CAUSE I DIDN’T WANT HIM
TO KILL ME IN MY DREAMS. LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER. [exclamations] – COME ON. – ‘CAUSE–NO? YOU KNOW, ‘CAUSE HOW FREDDY
KRUEGER’S FACE IS BURNED OFF. THAT’S NOT… – [sobs] – YOU ASS[bleep].
– HE SAID HE COULD TAKE IT. THAT’S WHAT HE SAID. – I THOUGHT I COULD,
BUT I CAN’T. – HOW IS THIS ON ME? HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW
IF HE’S CRYING RIGHT NOW? [all booing] I DON’T KNOW THAT SOUND. IT JUST SOUNDS
LIKE AN ELECTRONIC SOUND. – THE TEARS,
THEY BURN. – HE SAID HE COULD TAKE IT.
HE S– [cheers and applause]

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