Key & Peele – Awesome Hitler Story


– YOU GUYS SEE ANYTHING? – NOTHING YET. – OKAY. WE’LL WAIT UNTIL DARK, AND THEN
SNEAK BACK ACROSS THE LINE, AND REJOIN OUR UNIT. [distant gunfire] DID YOU GUYS HEAR SOMETHING? [machine gun fire] OH, HELL. – THESE AMERICANS
PROVE TO BE NO OBSTACLE AT ALL. SEARCH THE HOTEL.
– YEAH. – YOU’VE DONE WELL
TO SECURE THIS POSITION. THAT COULD BODE WELL
FOR PROMOTION. SPEAKING OF WHICH, GUESS WHO I
SAW AT THE MARKET THE OTHER DAY. – WHO? – OH, I DON’T KNOW,
ADOLF HITLER. – I LOVE HITLER. – WHO DOESN’T?
BUT YOU EVER SEE HIM IN PERSON? – OH, YEAH.
AT THE NUREMBERG RALLY. IT WAS VERY INSPIRATIONAL. – I KNOW IT WAS.
I WAS THERE. EVERYONE WAS THERE. BUT UP CLOSE,
IT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING. FOR INSTANCE,
IT WAS THE WEEKEND, AND THE LITTLE HAIRS HAD JUST
STARTED TO GROW ON THE SIDES OF THE MUSTACHE, LIKE THIS. SO I WALK UP TO HITLER,
CASUALLY… – HERR COMMANDANT.
– THAT’S RUDE. I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORY. YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED
IN A STORY ABOUT OUR FUHRER? – YEAH, BUT–
– OKAY, GOOD. EVA WAS THERE AS WELL, TALLER THAN YOU THINK
OR HITLER’S SHORTER, HARD TO SAY. BUT ANYHOO,
I’M BUYING SOME BREAD. HITLER’S BUYING SOME BREAD.
– UM, I MUST– – SO, I’M ASSUMING YOU’VE GOT
A BETTER HITLER STORY? – BUT NO, BUT–
– THEN MAYBE DON’T INTERRUPT. – YES, SIR.
– SO I GIVE HIM A SALUTE, AND HE GIVES ME ONE OF THOSE
HALF HITLER SALUTES, YOU KNOW, DOWN, LOW, VERY COOL.
– RIGHT. – YOU KNOW?
– RIGHT. – HERE’S WHAT YOU FORGET.
– YEAH. – HE DOESN’T SAY “HEIL HITLER.”
– UH-HUH. [fly buzzing]
– ISN’T THAT FUNNY? [slap] – AH! HERR COMMANDANT– – OH, WAIT. I THINK MAYBE NEXT TIME, I’LL TELL HIM HOW UNINTERESTED
YOU ARE IN MY STORY. – OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
– IS IT A JEALOUSY THING? – NO, NO, NO.
– YOU KNOW, I DIDN’T MEET HITLER TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. – [stammers]
PROCEED, OF COURSE. – SO I SAY TO HITLER, “I’VE ACTUALLY BEEN QUITE BUSY.”
[wrapper crinkles] HITLER LAUGHS, AND THEN SAYS, “YOU AND ME BOTH.” I MEAN, HE’S THE FUHRER. IT’S SO FUNNY
BECAUSE IT’S AN UNDERSTATEMENT. I MEAN, HE’S SUPER BUSY. AS HITLER WAS TAKING HIS LEAVE
OF ME– – OKAY, I HAVE TO INTERRUPT
YOU RIGHT NOW. – EXCUSE ME?
DURING THE CINEMA? THE STORY HAS A BUILD. BUT IF YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING,
YOU KILL THE MOMENTUM. – I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU
THAT BODY IS MOVING. – THAT’S RIDICULOUS. THE AMERICAN’S ARE ALL DEAD. BUT IF IT KEEPS YOU
FROM INTERRUPTING MY AWESOME HITLER STORY,
I’LL PROVE IT TO YOU. – YES.
VERY GOOD, SIR. [grunts] [grunts] [grunts] [grunts] [grunts] WOW. I’LL NEVER GET USED
TO THOSE FINAL DEATH THROES. – DEATH THROES? HERR MULLER,
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? THOSE ARE NOT DEATH THROES! YOU ARE BEING AN IDIOT! – INSUBORDINATE AND CHURLISH. PITY. THIS IS THE BEST PART
OF THE STORY. AS HITLER WAS TAKING
HIS LEAVE OF ME, HE SAID, “WELL, THERE’S NO POINT IN GETTING BREAD
IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GET–” AND AT THE SAME TIME HITLER SAID “CHEESE,”
I SAID “CHEESE.” AND THEN,
HITLER AND I BOTH SAID, “JINX.” WELL, IT WAS JUST, LIKE,
TWO REGULAR, EVERYDAY PEOPLES. YOU GUYS MISSED THE FIRST PART,
BUT THIS IS ALL ABOUT HITLER.

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