Internet History: Caesar’s Assasination (w/ Michelle Glavan & Sasquatch Sketch Comedy)


[email protected] Logged in… Alrighty. Oh, dear! Oh, Lord.
Oh, me, I should say. Oh, say it isn’t so! Did they kill my little Caesar? Hmm… Terrible.
Just terrible. Rushus Limbaus. Should not have created that guy. I was driving a horse and chariot long before
I was paid to do it. As a young boy, I used to roll Daddy’s old Augustus MKC around the
Stadium. Early morning, before the sun came up. Now, it’s just a beauty alive thing. Ugh, these ads are driving me insane! Oh, okay. So, straight up, there’s Casket
right there, okay, I don’t know what this dude is doing, but I’m telling you right now,
some shit’s about to go down -it’s your boy DJ. Oh, shit, oh, shit. Oh, oh no. I don’t like what’s coming. They’re
going to kill my little Caesar. Hey, Caesar. Stabbing! Oh, shit!
Take that one! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Please don’t stab my little Caesar. Et tu Brute?
Yup, bitch! Ooohhh!!!
Worldstar, baby! Man, that was rough. Kind of saw it coming.
I see everything coming, though. I’m God! Is this gonna be fun?
Aww, it’s Julius Caesar. Don’t do. Is this real? Oh my God, I can’t! I can’t!
Take that one! No, is this real, though? Is this a real thing?
Somebody help him! Why would you show this to me?
Yup, bitch! No!
Oh! Oh, shit!
Aww, that’s tight! Am I gonna go to jail? I am Caesar.
This Spring. I am Caesar!
Daniel Dayus Lewisian. Et tu, Brute?!
Is… Caesar!
Caesar. Wow. That dude should play every ruler of
the free world. I’ll give him eternal life. Then he can play
me in a movie, too! Oh, the awards. Every season. Friends. Romans. Countrymen. What the Fuck!
Friends. Romans. Countrymen. What the Fuck! And I’ll scroll along. Oot dee doo. Blah blah
blah blah. Blah blah blah. Hey, Patra people! It’s your girl, Cleo! Now
last week I know I showed you how to how to rock the Cat Eye with the liquid liner from
Estee Slaughter. This week, I’m gonna show you how to rock a bold lip, using their new
colors, Sacred, made entirely of sheep’s blood! Very cute. However, she should perhaps be
in mourning at the moment. Blah, di, blah.
Blah, di, blah… Blah…Something silly would be nice to cheer up with. Ugh! If I have to watch one more trailer,
I am starting another flood. Hi. I just wanted to say something about um,
the way we’re handling Caesar’s death. I just feel like nobody’s taking it seriously. I
mean, look at us. Like, he died, and like what are we all doing about it? We’re making
GIFs and prank videos, there’s a movie coming off that’s just going to make profit off of
him? This is what’s wrong with society. We trivialize serious events. We make things
that are horrible seem not that bad. What are you doing? In the room? Tom, just. OW!
Caesar’d! Well, that was just crude. Holy shit, what
a day. I’m God. Well, fuck. I’ll just go back to the present and leave them to it. Oh, God damn it.

Comments 14

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *