HISTORY OF IDEAS – Dating


Our present dating habits can feel like a
natural part of existence, but in reality, they’ve only been around for a very short
time and, we predict, won’t continue for too much longer in their current form. Dating
has a history, which it pays to try to understand as we navigate the ritual’s paradoxical
and often confusing priorities. Let’s take a selective look backwards – as well as
a peak forwards – at the history and future of dating: 27 March 1489, Medina del Campo,
Spain In a treatise signed between England and Spain, the two-year-old Tudor prince Arthur
is formally engaged to Catherine of Aragon – who is at that point three years old.
It’s an extreme example of what is an entirely normal practice all over the world in the
pre-modern era: relationships are strategic transactions between families, where the feelings
of the couple themselves are of no importance whatsoever. The idea that you might love,
let alone be physically attracted to, the person you end up with would be deemed profoundly
irresponsible, if not plain peculiar. July 1761, Amsterdam, Netherlands The publication
of Julie, a novel by the French Romantic philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, which becomes the fastest
selling book ever written. The novel tells the story of Julie, a beautiful young woman
from an aristocratic family who is expected to marry someone of her standing – but,
contrary to all the rules, falls in love with her middle-class teacher, Saint-Preux. However,
they cannot get married because of the differences in their social status. Rousseau is on the
side of the unhappy couple – and his novel is the first major statement of the idea that
relationships should essentially be founded on the feelings that exist between people,
and have nothing to do with class, lineage or family concerns. But, as yet, Rousseau
and his novel see no way of upturning the social order: you still marry who your parents
and society tell you, but now at least, with Rousseau’s help, you can feel very sorry
that you have to. March 1855, Rome, Italy In the major Italian novel of the 19th century,
I Viceré, by Federico di Roberto, two characters, Lucrezia and Benedetto, are in love but can’t
marry because Lucrezia’s mother refuses to give her permission on the grounds of social
propriety. Crucially, the mother is shown to be old-fashioned and narrow-minded; couples
formed by ‘reason’ are, the novelist suggests, a lot less happy than those guided by instinct.
The book works with the growing Romantic assumption that relationships should be based on sentiment
and that the best chances of finding someone we can get on well with over a lifetime is
not to find out what their job is or whether they come from a good family, but whether
we experience an overwhelming physical and emotional attraction in their presence. Marriage
must be a union consecrated by feeling. 1892, London, England The most successful comic
play of the year – Charley’s Aunt – turns on the fact that Charley has invited Kitty
to lunch on a date but, at the last minute, learns that his aunt won’t be able to join
them. This creates a panic because a dating couple should have a chaperone, an older woman
whose presence will ensure that nothing very intimate can be said or done. Charley’s
solution is to get a male friend to put on a dress and impersonate his relative. The
comedic atmosphere of the play suggests that the old rules around dating are firmly on
their way out and are accepted as having some of the fustiness of a maiden aunt. The audience
is meant to agree that dating is for the best when couples are left on their own to discover
how they feel; there should even be a kiss at the end if things go swimmingly. 1914, Eastbourne, England The young George Orwell gets into
trouble at school when he is caught reading Youth’s Encounter by Compton Mackenzie:
the first novel published in England that describes unsupervised adolescent dating.
We’re starting to move beyond the odd chaste kiss: dating starts to be about sex as well.
June 23, 1960, Washington DC, USA The US Food and Drug Administration approves the first
oral female contraceptive pill. The idea that a date can happily and uncomplicatedly lead
to sex becomes not only an emotional but now also a practical possibility. Los Angeles,
1998 Speed dating is invented and the romantic comedy You’ve Got Mail – the first major
film based around online dating – is released. Both encourage the idea that it’s important
to search very widely before selecting a possible partner. By now all the elements of modern
dating are finally in place: firstly, parents have nothing to do with it; secondly, all
considerations of money and social status are deemed ‘un-Romantic’ and unimportant;
thirdly, you are meant to be swiftly emotionally drawn to someone in order for a relationship
to be deemed legitimate and viable in the long term; fourthly, sex is interpreted as
a central part of getting to know someone – and lastly, you’re meant to have a lot
of dates (and possibly meet quite a few horrors on the way) before finally and happily settling
down with that archetypal figure of the modern dating scene: The One. Brussels, March 2009
The European Union releases a report that reveals that 50% of married couples in countries
across the union end up divorced after fifteen years. Though entirely ignored by Europe’s
dating couples, the report quietly raises the question of whether instinct is really
any better guide to a good conjugal life than the old parental or societal rules used to
be – as well as hinting at how much more miserable we can end up being when the sole
justification for relationships is understood to be the intense emotional and sexual happiness
of the two participants. Singapore, May, 2075 Artificial Intelligence has finally
arrived, human nature has at last accurately been understood – and dating as we know
it dies. Machines now swiftly find for us the optimal choice of
partner for a lifetime together. They know who is available, what our quirks are, and
who out there can best compliment them. All the rigmarole of dating in the Romantic era
is done away: we no longer have to wonder whether we have found the ‘right’ person;
a machine that we trust as much as we now trust doctors, tells us when we have located
our destiny. We no longer have to rely on chance or random encounters. We no longer
have to keep asking our friends and hoping to be introduced. We don’t have to listen
to our parents, we don’t have to take along a maiden aunt, and nor do we have to listen
to those equally unreliable entities, our subjective feelings. Couples are not always
deliriously happy, but they at least have the satisfaction of knowing that they are
with the person they should, all things being equal, be with. Way back in 1489, there wasn’t any choice
for Prince Arthur and Catherine of Aragon; now there is no choice either, but in 2075,
it is a psychological machine that has determined the choice for us. Occasionally, people get a little
nostalgic and curious about the old-fashioned, rather haphazard and sometimes thrilling Romantic
way of dating. Some of them might dress up and recreate the ritual, like people who nowadays
have fun on weekends trying out what it was like to row in a long-boat or live in a wigwam…
All of which should give us a humbling sense of how particular and complicated contemporary
dating truly is. We shouldn’t blame ourselves if, at the end of yet another barren or ambiguous
date, we feel in need of a little guidance. If you want to learn more about love try our cards that help answer that essensial question, “who should i be with?”

Comments 100

  • The history of dating is an interesting and varied one. What are your thoughts on the future of dating? Let us know in the comments below. If you like this film be sure to subscribe to our channel and turn on notifications.

  • Wtf that's Macri, the Argentinean president at 0:12

  • r/incel

  • Hey SchoolOfLife! Can you please do a video about having fake friends? As in feeling paranoid about not having anyone who honestly cares for you outside of your family, feeling very alone and socially awkward even though you have certain people who you tend to hang out with…?

  • the chessboard is set up wrong

  • I question if the ideal of monogamy and one true life partner will still exist in the future. Monogamy and the idea that you will be with one person for the rest of your life is just a social construct. This social construct does not work in the modern society, there is too much pressure and too much expected from a relationship nowadays. And I think this would probably change into a society where polygamy and more than one life partner are more acceptable, maybe even the standard.

  • I really would like to see a Philosophy video about Erich Fromm and his "Art of Loving.It will be a very good continuation of this topic.

  • Please please please school of life make a video on how to get a date or dates.Please your perspective can be very helpful

  • 00:10 WTF
    Why Mauricio Macri?

  • In western world

  • The first thing about dating that needs to change is that it's all about the women. The endless wining and dining, men paying for everything.

    If women want equality, they can start by equally investing in the dating process.

  • person in 2080:
    oh, I wish I lived in 2018, dating sounds fun, although I know I would regret it, people got divorced back then.

  • I think it’s about time we started being more open to polyamory.

  • The future seems like an episode from Black Mirror kill the DJ

  • Well, in my culture your husband is still chosen by your family, or at least should be accepted by them. Moreover, it often important to understand whether they come from a good family. This history is mostly based on the 'western'. Dating was something no common in many countries across the world.

  • miauricio macri

  • Now this was how the definition of marriage was changed – from a contract to practically allow a female to be under a male's control, to it being about love.

  • I believe monogamy will die out long before 2075, and the idea of 'the one' would become obsolete by then.

  • The end is so funny. A calculator can calculate faster, computer can be programmed to play chess but AI can never find ur soulmate,.

  • Doesn't, say, the existence of, say, Romeo and Juliet (itself based on a much earlier story), undermine the veracity of this purported history?

  • I don't know whether or not starting with western society is the right place for this subject

  • Dating in tribes was quite often not binary, how do you come to the conclusion the future will still not consider more fluent boundaries between two(multiple) partners

  • 1. Once I was playing chess with a friend of mine who is an excelllent chess player. I was used to always losing when we played but I still loved it! One day, just before he only had to make a few moves to win, he said " because today is your birthday, we can turn the board at this point. So you'll get my position and hopefully win this time". What a gentleman! He offered me all those figures in the best possible position, but since I wasn't a good player, I didn't know what to do with them and once again I have lost!

    Well there is a life lesson in there too. I would be very happy for the people in the future, if they could so easily find the perfect partners for themselves, but if they don't get the necessary emotional education, I am afraid they will still fail.

    2. Since there is a lesson about almost anything on this wonderful channel, the video called " On finding the right one" explains this much better!

    3. And I am sure, even a hundred years from now, the following podcast episode with Alain de Botton ( the founder of this channel ) will help many people:
    " On Being with Krista Tippett, The True Hard Work of Love and Relationships"

    4. There is a wonderful movie called " Her" that gave me a lot to think about…I never thought that a movie about a man who falls in love with a software would move me to tears. I highly recommend it!

    5. And there is a very interesting Hidden Brain podcast about the history of marriage. It is called:

    " When Did Marraige Become So Hard".

    You can also complement it with another episode:

    "The Lonely American Man".

    6. Friends who want to know about technology and divorce, the following podcast episode may help you to get divorced less painfully:

    " Note to Self . Wevorce: What Divorce by Algorithm Means for Marriage."

    Thanks a lot for this wonderful lesson. It was terribly interesting. Let's hope that everyone in a hundred years from now, will know about TSOL and they will watch all these videos as a part of their emotional education and they will suffer much less and they will be much better people than us!

  • Hmmm🤔 predicting the future…I like it BUT, I wouldn’t ever consider placing my trust in a machine to predict my destiny. No thank you, we leave that to fucktards who can’t think for themselves ✌️✌️

  • what the fUCK is Macri doing in this video 0:09

  • Man. I'm no expert, and truly I hold even worse social bravado and wittyness, and being single watching as the world turns, I think to myself more and more that we've built up something in our heads that simply isn't true or clever in the slightest: that there is a one out there; a true love.

    I mean, cartoons and live-action media are such that they are dramatizations of a tale, created solely to entertain. And never actually meant give advice on how one should carry themselves.

    Living in a society in which we spoon feed ourselves this constantly, I can't help but wonder how many including myself have yearned for the disney ending of living forever more with one who can literally only be properly matched with you. However, overtime do I slowly strengthen the thought that this notion is not only improbable it's likely downright impossible.

    Given the propensity and probability of the universe, how could we possibly expect such things? The very fact that you are alive right now has been a complete string of seemingly random events that happened to have ended with you reading this far. And don't get me wrong, we humans are good at finding and making patterns, but even those patterns have random elements.

    So what right? If such a bleak outlook what's the notion of it all right? Well here's more of what I'm coming down to: you can literally have the best relationship of your life with anyone.

    And that's it. That's the secret sauce to me currently. The trick here is that, if true, you have to create your best relationship not "find it". And if you're not good at that? Then rely on the chance of probability to have things flow smoothly with someone else who also experiences favorable probability with you.

  • I'm not sure I agree. I think the biggest indicator of a happy relationship is found within the person instead of in their partner. It doesn't matter if you have the perfectly calculated person to be with if you don't love yourself and you'll sabotage things or not know how to effectively communicate. To me, the ideal is that you date and fail at a bunch of relationships until you understand yourself.

    Not to mention that even if you're a perfect match today, next year you could be a completely different person based on your life experiences.

  • WTF ???!!! Is that Mauricio Macri at 0:12 ? As*hole president of Argentina.

  • You're grasping at straws with this one. You've Got Mail? Really!? When Harry Met Sally is from '89 and the idea of dating widely for love was CLEARLY already a common thought. And that's just the first example I can think of. You're discrediting yourself with this calibre of video.

  • I as a religious Jew don’t think that sex or physical intimacy should be part of dating and I don’t think the decision to marry someone should be based on emotion rather it should be based on mainly reason, meaning a date should ideally be two people having a sophisticated discussion about their values and goals to see if they are compatible. Even if they have the “feeling of love” during that process that doesn’t mean that they could or do love each other, because that feeling is very shallow and it only means that there’s a possible potential for love in their marriage. Meaning people shouldn’t marry because they love each other they should marry because they want to develop a love for each other.

  • What video editor software do you guys use?

  • How does Polyamory fit into your timeline and future theory?

  • The idea that a date can happily and uncomplicatedly lead to sex became not only an emotional but also a practical possibility with the invention of the LATEX CONDOM, not the pill. <See the 1920s>

    For that matter, nobody really talks about the US having had 5 sexual revolutions in its history (6 if you include the 1750s); they only talk about the 1960s.

  • Amazing!!every day I watch a new one

  • *European dating from the fifteenth century and onwards. Nothing about the dating before, which makes a little sense because there isn’t MUCH written evidence about it all. But it isn’t as if there wasn’t dating before the 1400s

  • nah. sex robots for companionship and artificial wombs for procreation … all by 2050, for the win!!!

  • WTF. How do you know it's gonna be in Singapore. May. 2075. I'm so impressed. Positively.

    I am living in a real-life simulation based on the past isn't it?
    I KNEW IT.

  • I do "diarrhea of the mind" type posting (I'm sorry). Whether they try to appear as such or not the president of School of Life (Alain Botton) looks like a sort of secular-leaning humanities conservative to outside eyes. If you want peasant studies history, it is out there. There are web pages. There are college classes (young people take advantage of this especially). I like the orthodox approach to history (it's not going anywhere), I always find counter-narratives fascinating however.

  • Technology really is taking over the world

  • The ending was unexpected cx

  • I believe that western societies went from an extreme to another extreme. Going from reason over feelings to feelings over reason (especially physical attractiveness). I think that it's better to have a middle ground for relationships to last. Parents should guide us but not control us, and we really should never rely only on physical attractiveness. We should get to know a person for who they are before making any decision. Furthermore, when it finally comes to making a decision, we need to use our brain in the addition to our heart and not just follow our heart blindly. Also, getting advice from others is important and I believe the best ones to get advice from are our parents.

    It's just my opinion in the end so…
    Do whatever dafuq you wanna do!

  • 05:28 MOTH MEME!!!!!

  • It is because of online dating nowadays that I will never let AI help me find someone. I'd rather go on searching.

  • So basically our ancestors are the ones to blame for why I've been single for 24 years. Had it been that my partner was chosen by family, maybe I wouldn't feel so empty and curious on how a relationship and "love" or extreme likeness feel.

  • Macri🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷

  • This video doesnt explain the history of dating, it describes the history of the public perception of dating and how it was depicted in fiction. How did dating start? Who went on the first date? Did they get a handjob?

  • I understood this completely! The pendulum swings. I did find it interesting, you didn't mention the 'mid-swing' of the pendulum. I find that very important, esp. in this day and age. Having the 'chaperone' there is supposed to keep everything safe. (That's for both party's best interest.) Also, I've found it very important to meet parents, friends, and family BEFORE the rose-colored glasses are on….if at all possible. (LOL!) 😀

  • Actually I think in the future, instead of computers controlling our love lives, I think people will have more free/open relationships without strict commitment. It’s more likely because I think people are striving to be more independent and self-focused. People like having their own choices and I doubt they would let computers dominate their lives (I mean especially after movies like the Matrix!)

  • Women dont date any more..they prefer to make 100 euros sex date…i hope android female robot new ganeration come soon

  • It’s funny to see the progress through the centuries in the west, it’s very similar to the Islamic east as well, where my dad had a hard time finding anyone to look at let alone date in the 80s here in Arabia, whereas in 2006 in high school I had my first blowjob at midnight in my dad’s car, secretly behind her house, where as now in 2018, you see teenagers dating in front of everyone in shopping malls, which granted not everyone does, but just think that only 30 years ago their parents had no other options but homosexuality with friends or first cousins.

  • Interesting. But the history portion is so Euro-centric.

  • I'll wait til 2075

  • The German title for this video says "The history of dating (but dating like dating an event)". It would fit better if it was "Die Geschichte des Datings"

  • Please, stop translating your video titles to different languages. I came here thinking this video is in my language and it's in English. It's misleading. English would be just fine. And occasionally it's such a bad translation it doesn't make sense at all. German: "Die Geschichte der Datierung" = literally "The history of age determination". WHAT? Did you let Google auto-translation do the job?

  • Really? Your solution for the future is a machine that takes our choices away? What the hell? At least say it's optional.

  • This Euro-cenric. Please don't use the word "HISTORY', its misleading with all due respect.

  • 2075 is an episode of Black Mirror

  • It's a very interesting video, and certainly a nice one to have watched. However, I have to disagree with both the beginning and the end. In the part about late medieval Europe, you forgot to mention that getting toddlers engaged was mostly practised among aristocracy, as it was part of doing politics (and business) in pre-national Europe. Common men would have had much more freedom in whom to propose to, and sometimes the parents would even consider their daughter's opinion if she found the man repulsive (and the offer wasn't too sweet). Any perceived difference in social status (especially if it was the bride who came from a 'better' house), and the family's opinion on the planned union was, obviously, a deciding factor on whether it could actually happen, but it was not as rare as this video may suggest to mary a person you fancied, provided that the dowry did not literally include half a kingdom.
    As for the futuristic vision of machines determining our best partners… this is interesting but I think it's also dangerous, and could lead to an even higher divorce rate. Why? Living in a world where a computer finds 'the one' for you is setting the expectations very high for that other person (they're supposed to be my perfect match, how come they don't agree to X!), and very low for ourselves (why should I try to be a better person, there's literally no one better than me for him/her). As far as I know, a good marriage is the exact opposite of that.

  • very interesting video but the "history" comes only from elites. I'm sure things were different for the poor, there was probably a lot more couples getting together who just liked each other, plus the old equivalent of a 'shotgun' wedding (hhmmm… crossbow wedding?)

  • 7:53 anybody noticed the Argentine pressident dancing Tango during an official reception for Obama?

  • I love how the place that dating goes to die is Singapore

  • Dating is the art of use and abuse of women and then let them go. And I like it

  • You definitely took a left turn after Arthur and Katherine. I thought you'd talk about how his brother Henry VIII married her, divorced her then started on his own way of "dating."

  • Try to set up your chessboard correctly next time………

  • Was I the only one who expected something gay?

    I mean it is a very modern form of dating and has changed the view of marriage!

  • Their are too many intangibles for me too visualize a machine looking into my mind and finding me a "perfect mate" in a database of people. Besides if people rely on this machine at a large scale isn't this detrimental to free will? Assuming you don't want who you were "assigned" based off any factor, then it will be exceptionally harder if not impossible to find someone else because the machine told them there was someone better than you for them?

    I love technological advancement and human progress, but not everything needs to be "improved".

  • german translation of the title on utube is terrible! "Datierung" doesnt mean dating. Not dating in the sense of meeting a person. Datierung means age determination

  • This type of history seems to be located in a particular geographical place

  • I think these should just be called the European history of dating

  • I love the school of life for a lot of reasons. However, it’s increasingly getting clearer to me that vast majority of its research and content is ethnocentric and western influenced. Perhaps it’s better named ‘School of Western Life’ 🙂

  • Que hace Mauriii

  • Good videos but in most of the series, you really should add " in Europe" to the title, cos they look at the history and present in Europe alone 😅

  • How abojt asian?

  • 4:22 is that Brighton?

  • Like si viniste a ver a Macri en el segundo 9 del video akshsksjskshsksjsjd

  • Singapore is probably the worst example for how partners would be chosen in the future as even to this day arranged marriages is still pretty much the order of the day there

  • Really interesting as usual! Thank you. BTW, the chess board is wrongly set!

  • What a bleak future for mankind! I don't buy the AI way of dating no matter how logical it appears. Taking the heart and soul out of this not to mention learning opportunities eclipses our chances to mature and grow. The AI way is for robots, not actual thinking and feeling human beings.

  • Apparently Africans and Asians don’t have sex or date. Then how do we explain the population increase🧐

  • Had thought Open relationships might get a mention…

  • You forgot September 12th, 2012: tinder was launched.

  • Marrying for love might not make u happier than marrying for money. In the latter option you are at least rich and free from the obligation of working. Love marriages are often some struggle love scenario where u are not valued and the man is always feeling insecure about his manliness cos he can't provide.

  • It's funny how most "historical" videos focus 95% of the history on Europe or the U.S. as if the rest of the world had no dating/courting/marriage practices at all.

  • The problem with your videos, there so Eurocentric and you just mention western history without completely ignoring the rest of the world.

  • omg, the 2075 is like in the goodplace how they get put with their soulmate

  • What the fuck is a picture of president Macri doing in this?

  • Romeo and Juliet is written before Rousseau's Julie.

  • This video highlights western dating. Eastern “dating” is very different

  • Love the Hindu sex scene @05:36 where her vagina is totally a hotdog bun stuck on the front in the middle of her hips. I’m guessing a 6 grader drew that? Anyone older is a shame to their family, their ancestors and their cow.

  • Who else got an ad for a dating site? 😂

  • That is a very narrow vision… Nothing outside of Europe and USA, nothing before 1400. You can do better !

  • I love this guy's voice. Who is he? So soothing.

  • "Dating"… What is this thing about?
    It's still an alien thing to me.

  • Take me to 2075

  • Love the train shot entering the tunnel 4:49 when talking about sex haha

  • I would like to die before that era. Thou shall leave the matters of penis and vagina to their owners. Don't bring artificial intelligence into it.

  • 0:10 GATOOOOO sos VOSSS??? MACRII ALTO GATOO

  • “Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could”.

    Are you ready to find love? Link is http://bride-of-dreams.com/en/bride-of-dreams-comregistration-php-language_code=1…. Register and start the journey with your soul!!!

  • Nah fam dating will still be a thing, but we won’t call it “dating” in the future.

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