Hasan’s Questions For The 2020 Candidates | Deep Cuts | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix


What? I don’t— I don’t think I can do a French Tuck. I think I’d look ridiculous if I did a French Tuck. On this show– if I did this? if I did this? That doesn’t work! The way you looked down
you know it doesn’t work! Here’s the thing. I actually— I’m really open and
vulnerable with you guys. You guys might fuck me up. You might give me some advice that screws me
over and I’m like, “Oh, he said it, alright cool.” “Tonight I wanna talk about policing.” And everyone’s like, “I can’t take this guy
seriously. He’s got this whole tuck situation.” “In the age of social media, how much
influence do you think celebrities have on young or even older voters?” this is from katelyn. is katelyn here? Hi. what do you think? How much— how much influence
do you think they have? Yeah. So you’re optimistic? I’m pretty, you know when I— when I kinda lost
a little bit of hope in the celebrity endorsement? ’Cause I grew up when like,
Puffy was like, “Rock the vote,” and I’m like, “Aw, Puff Daddy
said I gotta vote, so…” No, but remember in 2016,
Hillary was in Ohio, and she had Jay-Z and Beyoncé
do a concert there. LeBron came out— LeBron pretty much owns
all of Ohio and I’m like, “She’s got Ohio.” and then she lost Ohio. But when LeBron came out I’m like,
“That’s it. He… he said it. He has decreed Ohio goes to Hillary.” And then when she lost Ohio I’m like,
“I guess none of this matters?” It didn’t work though. Like what—What? How do you top that? Who’s bigger than Beyoncé and
Jay-Z and LeBron in Ohio? That’s the Voltron of black excellence. How do you top that? How do you not get Ohio then? I don’t know, who has a bigger blue
checkmark to move the needle? So, that to me was like one of the things
where I’m like, I don’t know, like, this is, this has certain resonance. But it’s, it’s not the— Perhaps it’s not the resonance that you need to collectively get an entire state
on board to sorta flip a state. “What are your thoughts on
the Muslim dating app, Minder?” This is Minder versus Tinder. So this is from Farah Wakani. Is Farah here? What are your thoughts on it? You don’t have it? So you’re— You choose– you’ve opted out? Well, I’m married, so…. That’d be super weird if I was like,
“I’m on this dating site too, though.” “I need hobbies.” No. Um, what have you heard? What do you know? Okay. Do you do apps or no apps? So why not that app? It’s just bizarre? You’ll like, run into like, cousins and stuff? Is that the weird thing? Or you like, run into people that
your parents know or something. Is that like…? Oh, okay. Why— why limit? You might find love. How many guys on Minder
do you think look like me? I bet it’s like, 50…you’ll just like,
swipe it’ll all be like, poofy haired– This guy will be on it, you know what I mean? It’ll just be like varying degrees of beard. Like, “He has poofy hair but no beard.” It’s like, almost like Nintendo Wii
characters where you’re like, “He’s got less poofy hair.” I mean it makes sense there’s a Muslim Tinder. Do you know what I mean? Like, Muslims only care about, like, two things. Like, Palestine and getting married. Those are like, our two. “If you were the moderator for the upcoming
Democratic presidential debate, what is one question you
would ask the candidates?” “Do you guys watch Patriot Act?” They’d all lie. Then I’d be like, “What’s your favorite episode?” Then I would make Kamala Harris
say something in Hindi. I gotta check the Indian half. I gotta check it. Alright, you guys wanna know
the serious question? “What are you gonna do to make sure that the
planet is livable when my daughter gets older?” Like, that’ll be the serious question. “Did you see the trailer for
Lady and the Tramp, and what do you think of Disney
live-action remakes?” I’m glad you guys ask the
hard-hitting questions. I’m gonna be honest. I don’t like the live-action remakes. ’Cause the animals look too real. I went to go see Lion King and I’m like, “Why is–
why is that lion talking? That’s weird.” ’Cause it looks like, it looks like a lion. It doesn’t look like a cartoon lion. It was weird. So then when I saw, like, the parrot— when Zazu was talking and it was John Oliver,
I’m like, “Why is the parrot John Oliver?” It just freaked me out. ’Cause I thought, like, Zazu would just
start talking about Brexit to Simba. The cool thing about the cartoons was
you could see the emotions in the eyes, you could see like, you know, when Simba
was scared or when Simba was happy, you could see it in their eyes. But like, this whole– their eyes
were always the same. You know, cause it– yeah.
It wasn’t translating to me. What do you think of the live action, dude? Eddie, what do you think of
the live action movies? You haven’t seen any with the kids? You pawned it off on your wife? “What’s the last lie you told
and why did you tell it?” This is from Rebekah. Alright. Alright. I’m gonna be honest, alright. Last week, I told you guys
that Eddie was my friend. Would you be my friend outside of work? No, for real?! And it was a bit and
I did it for comedy and I lied. And I lied. Eddie was my friend. Eddie was my friend. Eddie was my friend. And I lied. And I lied. And I lied. I would ask eddie, our wonderful stage manager– our wonderful stage manager– Would you be my friend outside of work? Would you be my friend
outside of work? And I lied. And I lied. And I lied. À quelle vitesse les choses que nous pensons
vraies disparaissent-elles autour de nous… comme des larmes sous la pluie. And… The truth is… Eddie’s my best friend. He’s my best friend in the whole wide world
and no one can take away our friendship. And here I am, just an Indian
man standing in front of you, and in front of this cameraman
that’s blocking our vantage point… I’m just here to ask you,
am I your best friend too? Don’t lie! “Do you think the country is
shifting towards socialism because of capitalism failing?” Um, that’s a great question. I don’t think I can answer that, but I just think that any system where you
can get fifteen different kinds of Pepsi, but you can’t get affordable
healthcare is broken. That’s all. That’s all I’m saying, like, I don’t… I don’t have the answer, but that’s all I know. “What was the last thing you
Googled on your phone?” This is from Tiffany. Is Tiffany here? What’d you Google? What is a grommet? You Googled “what is a grommet?” What is— What is a grommet? How did you know what that term was? If you already know what a grommet is,
don’t you know what it is? Oh people, people in conversation
were talking about grommets? Your friends are really boring. You’re like, “Grommets like the hot thing
everyone’s talking about. I had to Google it.” I— we wrote down what
the past four things that I… Okay, “current time in Delhi.” I was calling family. Uh, the second was, “insomnia.” I thought I– I was up really late and I’m like,
“Do I have insomnia?” You ever do that where you’re
like, “Something’s wrong with me.” And then Google tells you
and you just freak out. “Overton window.” That was really interesting. Oh and this one too. “Is it possible to have more
than tres leches cake?” Like, can you have more than tres leches? Like, can you have just like, ocho leches cake? Or like, Chad Ochocinco leches cake? Why do you— Why stop at three? Give me four leches, give me five.

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