Harry Houdini vs. Spiritualism (feat. Ken Marino) – Drunk History


HELLO, EVERYBODY! I’M HERE
TO TALK ABOUT HOUDINI AND HIS FIGHT
AGAINST SPIRITUALISM WITH SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE. [dramatic music] AFTER WORLD WAR I, EVERYONE WAS OBSESSED
WITH SPIRITUALISM. THEY FELT THAT RELIGIOUS BITS
AND SCIENTIFIC BITS WORKED TOGETHER
AND MADE SPIRITUALISM. HARRY HOUDINI, THE GREATEST MAGICIAN
ESCAPE ARTIST OF ALL TIME. HOUDINI KNEW SPIRITUALISM
WAS BULL[bleep] BECAUSE HE HAD DONE IT HIMSELF,
WHEN HE STARTED OUT. HE’D SEND HIS WIFE
AHEAD OF HIM, AND SHE WAS LIKE,
I’M A BIBLE SALESMAN. LOOK, OUR BIBLES ARE BETTER
THAN YOUR BIBLE. AND THROUGH THE INFORMATION
THAT SHE WOULD GIVE HIM, HE COULD PRETTY MUCH TELL,
LIKE, OH, SO, YOUR UNCLE, WHO HAD A MUSTACHE, OR YOUR SO-AND-SO THAT
HAD THIS AND THAT, WHATEVER. THOSE PEOPLE,
THEY’RE LIKE–[gasps] HE KNOWS EXACTLY
WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. OH, MY GOD.
YEAH, HE KNOWS. HOUDINI
AND SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE BECAME GOOD FRIENDS. SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE,
HE WROTE SHERLOCK HOLMES… AND ALL THAT STUFF. ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE,
HE WAS LIKE, SPIRITUALISM IS THE [bleep]! I LOVE IT! THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING
NEEDS TO HAPPEN. THIS IS–
WHATEVER THIS RELIGION IS, THIS NEEDS–
EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW THIS. HOUDINI HELD HIS TONGUE.
HE KNEW IT WAS BULL[bleep]. SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
WAS LIKE, I WANT YOU TO SIT DOWN
AND HAVE THIS SEANCE, AND I HAVE–
MY WIFE IS GOING TO SPEAK YOUR MOTHER’S WORDS
THROUGH HANDWRITING. REALLY? HOUDINI,
SHUT THE [bleep] UP. JUST QUIET DOWN. I KNOW YOU’RE SKEPTICAL.
LET’S JUST DO THIS. – THE–
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR– SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE,
HIS WIFE IS LIKE, YAY! WE’RE ALL HERE.
WE’RE DOING THIS SEANCE. LET’S SPEAK
TO HOUDINI’S MOTHER. SO THEN WHAT HAPPENED? OH! MY SON, I’M SO HAPPY
TO SPEAK TO YOU! OH, THIS IS SO WONDERFUL! OH, THANK GOD FOR YOU
AND SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE! MR. SHERLOCK– OKAY, WELL, MOTHER, UM… CAN YOU READ MY MIND? [laughs]
OF COURSE! I’VE ALWAYS READ
MY SON’S MIND. THIS IS–THIS IS GREAT! UH, UM, YES.
[wand clatters] I–SORRY
I DROPPED THAT WAND. BUT YES, I’M GONNA PUT
A CROSS ON TOP OF THIS THING. SHE WROTE A CROSS
ON THE TOP OF THE THING. MRS. HOUDINI WAS JEWISH. AFTER SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
AND HIS WIFE [bleep]ED HIM OVER,
HE REALIZED THAT… WHO HE–
ONE, TWO, THREE– HE–HE BECAME ANGRY.
HE’S LIKE, [bleep]! I’M GOING TO FALSIFY
EVERY [bleep]ING SPIRITUALIST THAT I COME ACROSS. HOUDINI WOULD GO AROUND
IN DISGUISE TO EVERY SPIRITUALIST MEDIUM
THAT HE COULD FIND AND WOULD DISCREDIT ‘EM, LIKE, I WANNA TALK
ABOUT MY DEAD SON. AND THE SPIRITUALIST
WAS LIKE, OH, WELL, YOUR SON
IS SO-AND-SO AND DOING THIS. AND HE’S LIKE, HEY!
[bleep] YOU! I’M HOUDINI! I’M NOT THAT GUY
YOU JUST SAW. [bleep] OFF. – [whispering]
ONE, TWO, THREE. ALL RIGHT,
SO WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW? – WHAT WAS
THE “ONE, TWO, THREE”? WHERE DID THAT–
WHERE DID YOU START DOING THAT? – [laughs] I DO IT SO WHEN I KNOW,
LIKE, WHEN I’M TOO DRUNK– ONE, TWO, THREE– THAT I CAN BE–
[laughs] THAT I CAN BE GOOD TO MYSELF,
WHICH IS NOT WORKING, BUT IT’S FINE. SO NEAR THE END
OF HIS CAREER, HOUDINI WENT
INTO A COLLEGE TOWN. ONE OF THE COLLEGE STUDENTS
CAME THROUGH AND WAS LIKE, HEY! SO I HEAR THAT YOU
CAN TAKE ANY PUNCH IN THE WORLD. HE WAS LIKE, YES, I CAN.
WHATEVER, YEAH. I CAN TAKE WHATEVER PUNCH
YOU [bleep]ING WANT. OKAY, WELL,
I WANNA TEST THIS OUT. THING IS, HOUDINI NEEDS TO,
LIKE, STRETCH HIS MUSCLES. HE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME
TO DO THAT. THE KID JUST [bleep]ING
PUNCHES HIM RIGHT THERE. AND HE’S LIKE, OKAY.
THIS [bleep]ING SUCKS. [belches] HE’S LIKE, I HAVE TO PUT ON
A [bleep]ING SHOW, BECAUSE I’M HOUDINI. I HAVE TO PUT ON A [bleep]ING
GOOD SHOW FOR MY TOUR. HE GOES ON STAGE
AND DOES HIS SHOW. 104 TEMPERATURE. HE’S [bleep]ING TERRIBLE. ONE GUY WHO’D SEEN HIS SHOW
EIGHT TIMES WAS LIKE, SOMETHING’S WRONG. AFTER THE FIRST ACT,
HE PASSES OUT. THEY REVIVE HIM. HE GOES THROUGH,
HE DOES THE SECOND ACT. AFTER THE SECOND ACT,
HE PASSES OUT AGAIN. SO HIS WIFE’S LIKE, YOU NEED
TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. YOUR APPENDIX HAS RUPTURED. AT THE SAME TIME THAT HOUDINI
WAS AGAINST SPIRITUALISM, HE STILL ASKED
HIS WIFE BESS, IF I DIE, I WANT YOU
TO HOLD A SEANCE EVERY YEAR. IF, DURING THE SEANCE,
THESE WORDS COME THROUGH AND WHATNOT,
THEN YOU KNOW THAT IT’S ME. IF NOT, [bleep] YOU,
IT’S SOMEONE ELSE. HE PASSES OUT AGAIN.
THEY REVIVE HIM. [retching] – SO DO YOU FEEL BETTER? – I FEEL 100% BETTER. SHOW MUST GO [bleep]ING ON. HE DOES THE THIRD ACT.
[bleep] HAPPENS. AFTER A WHILE–I MEAN,
HE’S IN COMPLETE AGONY. HIS–HIS, YOU KNOW– BILE, EVERYTHING’S
COMING OUT OF HIS APPENDIX. EVERYTHING’S GOING WRONG. I-IT’S OBVIOUSLY TOO LATE
FOR HIM TO DEAL WITH IT. HE DIED IN DETROIT,
UH, ON HALLOWEEN. SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
WAS LIKE, IT SUCKS HE DIED. PEOPLE THINK IT’S
BECAUSE OF THE PUNCH. TRUTHFULLY,
THE DOCTOR’S LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE ALREADY HAD APPENDICITIS. SO IT’S FINE. FOR TEN YEARS, ON HALLOWEEN,
THEY’D HAVE THE SEANCE, AND THEY WOULD BE THERE LIKE,
OH, HOUDINI, IF YOU CAN BREAK THROUGH… I-IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. HOUDINI’S WIFE BESS IS LIKE,
YOU KNOW WHAT? HE’S LIVED ON
FOR ALL THESE MANY YEARS, BUT TEN YEARS IS LONG ENOUGH
TO WAIT FOR ANY MAN. SO I HAVE TO EXTINGUISH
HIS LIGHT. I APOLOGIZE. THEY STILL DO A SEANCE TO SEE
IF HE CAN BREAK THROUGH, AND HE STILL HAS NOT. – WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
– HI, MY NAME IS SECRETS. PARDON ME.
[snickers] [both laughing] – VERY SUBTLE. – OH! LOOK AT ME! I’M A “MAGI-SHURANS”! [laughter]

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