Epic Rap Battles of History Guy Fawkes Versus Che Guevara Begin! Guevara the terror. Fresh Kangol wearer. Ill rhyme slayer from the 60’s era. Revolting… Heavy metal rebel blood spiller. Me and my guerillas… Are a squad of killers! (Hoo!) I’m known worldwide, for my steely-eyed look. You’re famous ’cause of Alan Moore’s third best book! All the children say: “We will be like Che!” Asthmatic… But I’ll take your breath away. You tried to rebel against James the First. Here’s a tip for your next plot: Try to rehearse! I got my face on a magnet on your roommate’s fridge. Your head is on a spike up on London bridge! You had one job cabrón, to strike a matchstick. Got caught with a fuse, like your bars, not lit! You should have stayed anonymous, Epic Fail Guy! Treat this battle like the gallows, and take another dive. As a communist, it must really hurt that your face has been cheapened, weakened, besmirched being plastered on posters, coasters and shirts making capitialists rich, off of you on merch! Right, I’m a pious man and I fight for the Lord! I would cut you, but I don’t want your sweat on my sword. I was tortured until I could hardly sign my name and listening to you felt pretty much the same! (Ooh!) Face it Ernesto, you’re Castro, but less so. He’s Cuba Commander, you’re more of the Destro. Revolt all you want, I don’t give two Guy Fawkes! But look at Venezuela, what you’re fighting for sucks. Sucks? Guy, you died for the Catholics. A group with a bad touching “little boys” habit. And this porn star pilgrim look, what’s up with that? It’s more like V, for Very bad hat! Oh! What’s the Fawkes say now? (Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!) When they cut your junk out? I’m the hardest Marxist, ever graced a banknote! You’re an error-prone terrorist, penny for the scapegoat! Don’t try to boast ’bout your banknotes with Guido. You muddled your economy like mint in a mojito! This very battle disproves your communist initiative. These rhyme skills are not evenly distributed! (Ah!) I’m Catholic, I’ve got Mass when I’m rapping. You’re an Ump-Che, that’s Bay of Pigs Latin! After what just happened, you should retire. Is it the 5th of November? ‘Cause I’m on fire!