Giles Corey and the Salem Witch Trials (feat. Joel McHale) – Drunk History


– Hello.
I’m Allan McLeod, and today we’re gonna
tell the story of the curse of Giles Corey. – Ooh. – Boo.Our story begins
in Salem, Massachusetts.
The Puritans had just
settled the colony,
and they were very much
into biblical law.So, a bunch of girls started
acting erratically.
And a doctor checked them out
and he said,
These girls are bewi–
bewitched!
And thus began
the Salem witch trials.
[hiccup] Ooh. – [laughs]– So,
these witch trials start.
And Martha and Giles Corey are
just, like, eating popcorn,
and enjoying themselves,
and they’re goi– and they’re–and they’re
excited about it, and they’re like,
oh, I love you, honey,and we’re at the witch trials,
and isn’t it fun
that there might be witches
among us?
So, the Puritans were
not very scientific.You would have to, like,
pee into a cup,
and then they would, like,
pour the pee into,
like, a cake, and then a dog
would have to eat the cake
and then, if [bleep] the person
who peed into the cake felt pain when
the dog ate the cake,then that person was a witch.And Martha’s like,
that doesn’t make any sense
as far as, like, judging
whether you’re a witch or not.
And so, Ann Putnam was like,you’re a witch because
you’re criticizing us.
And so, Sheriff George Corwin
came in and was like,
if you’re accused
of being a witch,
you’re gonna get hung
and that’s it.
The trial is–is arbitrary.
It’s not really…
[inhales]Ooh, excuse me.
– Was that… What was that? – Phew, it’s a little
something coming up. – [laughs] – It’s all good.
– Okay good.Martha Corey goes to trial,and Giles Corey was just
swept up in the hysteria of the whole thing
and he’s like,well, our cat died and that
could be a sign of a witch.
And also, my ox has been
having some issues.
– [laughs]
– So…
she could be a witch.
I mean, I don’t know!
But she could be a witch.Well, then, Martha goes to
jail, and–[hiccup] and, uh…
Giles was like, I’ve been
caught up in the whole mania
of the Salem witch trials,
and I need to relax
and come to my senses,
and now that I’ve come
to my senses I realize
my wife is not a witch.
And I–I was–telling tales
out of school.
And everybody’s like,
so wait a second.
You’re doubting us, and
you’re questioning us, like…
That means you’re a witch!And then Giles was like–
[hiccup]
Ugh.
– [laughs] – These [bleep] hiccups, dude. – Don’t worry about them.
– All right. We’re good.[hiccup]
– [laughs]
– And so, Sheriff Corwin
comes in, he says,
all right, well, it’s time for
me to torture you, baby.
And my choice of torture is
pien de forte…
Oh, [bleep].
Pien…Will Forte.
God damn it.Pier de tortogotortutu…
[laughs] – [laughs] – So, Giles Corey was
given the sentence ofpeine forte et dure,
and that basically meant
we’re gonna put
this board on you
and then we’re gonna put a
bunch of rocks on top of you
and crush you until you plead
guilty or not guilty.
So, they start
putting rocks on him
and start pressing on him.[laughs] Wait. We’ll
crush you the right way. – Oh. No.
– [laughs] – That’s an ironing board.
– Come on! – [laughing]
That’s not what they had. That is not what
they had, Allan. Don’t–
oh, [bleep] me! – It hurts?
– I’m–yes, it hurts! – [sighs] – You’re a body
on top of a body.– Okay.
Anyway.
The sheriff is like,
I’m crushing you!
You’re a witch!– I’m not a witch.[smooch] Are you kissing me?
– [laughs] – [laughing]
Allan.– Anyway, all that Giles
says to them…
More weight.
I can take it.
More weight!Oh, is that the biggest,
heaviest rock you got?
More weight!
Ahh!
So, for two days, Giles Corey
is being crushed there.
And it got so bad that
Giles Corey’s eyes were
bulging out of his head,
and his tongue was just
outside of his mouth.Sheriff Corwin has to come over
there and put them back inwith the tip of his cane.
And he’s like,
Hey, why don’t you confess
to being a witch?
And then Giles is like,you can kill me now,
but I promise I’d curse you.
I–[hiccup] I curse you,
Sherin Curfwin.
I curse you, Sheriff Corwin.
[hiccup]
I curse you…
Salem!
And I have the hiccups,
but I curse you
’cause I’m being crushed.
[hiccup]
And you’ll understand
this later.
Sorry.
Bye.
Giles Corey’s death
was so gruesome,
that it led to the end
of the Salem witch trials.
And then four years later,
Sheriff Corwin died
of a heart attack.Obviously they can’t
trace it back to you know,
the curse, but… We all know it was
the [bleep] curse. – [laughs]– So, in 1978,Sheriff Robert Cahill
had a heart attack
and was like, uh, I should
do some research
on this curse that was
put on us by Giles.
And he found that
every sheriff in Salem had
a heart attack or a stroke.And he’s like,
oh, shit!
That [hiccup]
curse was real!
And I was like,
that was a real-ass curse.
So they move the Sheriff’s
Department out of…
[hiccup] Salem.
[laughing]
[laughing] This is one of
the untold stories of the [hiccup] you know,
Salem witch trials. – Can I press you real quick? – I could die. [screams]
– [laughs] – [wailing] – How’s that feel?
– [coughing] Ugh. I’m paral–
[hiccup] I’m paralyzed.

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