Friendship Ended.

2015… Downtown Pakistan… It was another night, like all the rest. I’ve been on the force for nearly 40 years. Seen just about everything. Was looking forward to retiring tomorrow… Me and the Mrs. picked out a little bungalow in Karachi. Then I got the call… The biggest damn case of my life. Well Mudasir… Looks like you’re going away for a long time. Your DNA is all over the body. Tell us what happened? Not talking? Fine. How about I start and you just… fill in the blanks? It started years ago… You had a best friend, ‘Asif’. Snappy dresser, had a pet goat… ‘Bakri’. You and Asif did everything together… Why, you two are practically attached at the hip. But you had your ups and downs… Sometimes… you two clash. In fact, for years tensions between you were building… the bad days started outweighing the good… and eventually… *T R I G G E R E D* Asif has had enough. On September 13th, Asif fired up MS paint. *intense typing and clicking noises* And he posted this. Friendship ended with MUDASIR Now SALMAN is my best friend He had broken up with you… and he had done it on Facebook. The most official KIND of announcement you can make. He said you were, ‘Proudy’… You, ‘Give attitude’… and you would, ‘No compromise’. The friendship, was over. You two were no longer on speaking terms. But it was from here… That things spun out of control. Because a couple of days later, that post… went viral. It got thirteen thousand reactions, ten thousand comments, and fifty nine hundred shares. The guys over on the subreddit, /R/IndianPeopleFacebook, quickly picked up the story… and promoted it to the front page of Reddit… with ninety three hundred upvotes. Soon… not just your friends, but the WHOLE WORLD knew about the break-up. Why… *lip smack noise* that must have been embarrassing for you. Could really make a man lash out… perhaps even… seek revenge? It’s no good, he ain’t givin’ nothin’. He’s giving attitude. This thing blew up huge. ‘Gawker’ wrote a piece… then about a hundred other tabloids too. Everybody… is crying… and so upset… Feels like the end of the world. How do we explain how this is possible? And to make matters worse… Asif was still posting on Facebook. Here he is, uploading images with his new friends! Living it up! While you were all alone. But the people mourned with you Mudasir… Heartbroken onlookers tried to force you two back together… with an online petition… Although that failed miserably. A week later on September 24th… Asif agrees to do an ‘AMA’ (‘Ask Me Anything’) on /R/IndianPeopleFacebook. Now… Asif is a straightforward guy. He tells it like it is. He says, “yeah…………….like we are in heaven without Mudasir” But he also has a big heart. Just come to me… don’t even apologize… just come to me… and we will again be best friends! But you didn’t answer the call. You continued… being ‘proudy’. Then something more interesting happened… Asif mentioned in a comment, that his pet goat, ‘Bakri’, had died. And someone else pointed the finger squarely at you, Mudasir. *DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNNNNNNN* That’s when we got involved. We’ll return to this detail later. Over the next few days, Asif’s friend count… grew rapidly. The post had brought him fame. So, he made himself a fan page titled… ‘Prince Asif Rasa Rana’ And it quickly gained over four thousand members. Now… While some people took this situation with the seriousness… and gravity That it deserved, there were a few people who took the whole thing as a joke and started making memes Shocking! But all anyone wanted… was for you two to get back together. Cease your proudly ways Mudasir. *phone ringing* Calls from… ALL around the world rang out. Would you ever answer? *noise of phone getting picked up* Hello? Friendship Regain With Mudasir Well… On October 16th, you did. And it was god damn beautiful. You and Asif got back together. Reunited at last. Phew, that was a rough three weeks. The world was overjoyed… The boys were back! Naturally, news picked up on the story… And even you yourself made a declaration… that you were no longer ‘proudy’. You did good kid. What’s more? The rekindled friendship didn’t mean Salman was thrown to the wayside… No way. He was part of the crew now. The lads from Ganjranwala… were an unstoppable force. Over the months… You and Asif continued posting pictures of your adventures. Still together… and still great friends. But the fame didn’t end there for Asif… When it was revealed he was single… He was soon bombarded with the adoration of thousands of female fans. He was even approached to do a commercial for a local beauty parlor. We managed to dig it up from the archives. You ladies are very attractive but I’m not ready to marry yet. Please mister asif, put your chapati deep in my chutney. Now… Some people are saying the you two recently broke up again. But that’s fake news. Because here you are in a live stream just a few months ago. And in 2017… everything comes full circle… when Asif became a moderator… on /R/IndianPeopleFacebook. So that’s about it. That’s the whole story of if I’ve… got everything right. Oh! But there is one more thing… This is it… Where were you on the night that Asif’s goat, ‘Bakri’, died? Our forensic team has looked over the body extensively…. No apparent wounds… or external injuries. We can rule- We can rule out suicide. *laughing* But there are only a few things that can cause instant goat death. Or ‘IGD’ as we call it here in the department Let’s go over a couple of those now. Anthrax? Highly unlikely in a metropolitan area. Parasite infestation? Again, unlikely in a city Stress? The timeline is ALL wrong for this to be caused by the break-up. Pneumonia? Again, highly unlikely in the middle of a Pakistan summer. So that about narrows us down to two things… A congenital health problem.. Or… Poisoning. Did you do it? No. Oh. Okay, well you’re free to go. But hey! That’s just a theory… A goat theory! Thots are watching! I know your killer is out there somewhere… I will avenge you… Bakri… If it takes the rest of my career… If it… If it takes to… like… I retire tomorrow… But… If it takes till do- I’ll stay late back at the office and I- Well I gotta- I gotta do a lot of paperwork. But if I shuffle some things around I’m sure I can find some time to avenge-

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