Epic Rap Battles of History THOMAS JEFFERSON VS. FREDERICK DOUGLAS BEGIN!! When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for a battle to commence the KPLOW! I hit ’em with the illness of my quill I’m endowed with certain unalienable skills let me run down my resume will ya? set up a little place called the United States (USA!) sound familiar? I told King George he could eat a fat dick when it comes to declerations I’m a first draft pick I’ll topple an tyrant so kings a pirates beware I’m so down with revloutions I invented the swivel chair I’ve many volumes on my shelves it’s true but I’ve yet to read the three books you wrote about YOU looking like a skunk in a three piece suit didn’t come back from Paris to battle Pepe Le Pew first Secretary of State VP number two not to mention third President the fuck’d you do? you finished? OK STRAIGHT OUTTA BONDAGE!! a brainy mother fucker here to diss you BIG HAIR BIG NUTS BIG ISSUES starting with your nickel there’s a real declaration head’s for racist tails for slave plantation you’re a soft white Monticello Marshmallow watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello HELLO but now you’re facing me FREDDY D! I’d never work for you ass but I’ll kick it for free your stone face on Rushmore ain’t nothing check my photos now that real muggin’ the face of a free man taught himself to read man no compromise you couldn’t whip a 5th of me man you got a self evident truth of your own you let freedom ring but never picked up the phone aw Frederick I’ve never heard a verse I dug less alright I admit it, I confess I participated in a broken sytemn that I hated but I needed to keep my financial status situated and the words I used were “hideous blot” to describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought and I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia when I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner so forgive me I was busy man I had a lot to do but we did it you’re free now so… we cool? this ain’t Lousiana man I ain’t buying it you talk about freedom but you ain’t applying shit so no, we ain’t cool you founding absentee father you had six babies with you slave mama and never even bothered to free her when you died on the 4th of July it’s a very importan holiday but what the fuck does it mean to this guy? cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865 the day the 13th damn amendment was ratified and I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights and we the people stopped meaning we the people who are white man you did some good things I ain’t denying you fame I’m just saying they need to put an asterisk next to your name WHO WON?! WHO’S NEXT?! YOU DECIDE EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!!!