Family in Flames (Ep. 15) | Fantasy High

– “You think I’m so stupid
that I’m gonna type on here.” Riz appears in the room. “And get Riz out of here, you’re (beep).” No! – Wow, you’re stupid. – The girls are downloaded. They’re back in their bodies now. – Their own bodies? – Their own bodies. And their memories of him deciding this was like his big evil plan, that memory is false. – So somebody–
– Somebody changed it, your sister! – (beep) Aelwin again, God (beep). – Johnny Spell’s burner
phone gets six messages. You see a picture of
the Thistlespring tree, the Abernant home, front
door of Sklonda’s apartment, the front door of Gilear’s apartment, the Applebee’s residence,
and Seacaster Manor. You see it says, “Think very carefully “about your next decisions.” (tense music) (bird calling) (lion roaring) Hello and welcome back to Fantasy High! My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan. These are our intrepid heroes, say hi intrepid heroes. – [All] Hi intrepid heroes. – And this is our penultimate episode. Oh, drop the pencil
right at the beginning. – I’m freaking out! – Last we left our heroes, they were in the arcade at the Elm Valley Mall with a mangled and wounded Biz Glitterdew. – [Ally] Oh yeah. – Having just received a
series of text messages on Johnny Spell’s burner. Pictures of your homes and the phrase, “Be very careful about the
choices you make next.” What do you guys do? – I say we go aggro. I say we say, “Let’s meet up”. – Oh. – Well who–
– He just knows where our parents are.
– Okay raise your hand if you really care–
– I was going to say we should maybe go the AV club.
– About your parents. – Because that’s where,
I care about my parents. – I care about my parents. – I care about Gilear.
– There’s only a couple of ’em. – I care about Gorgug’s
family, and I guess yours. – We all care about Gorgug’s family. – Kristen Applebees’ brothers and sisters, I mean we cannot–
– Yeah, you’re right, yeah. – Not to mention, everyone
cares about Gilear. – [Brian] Everyone cares about Gilear. – Yes, of course.
– I don’t care about Gilear. – Who will serve us pitiful
lunches at Aguefort? (Emily laughing) No but I mean, I don’t hate that idea. – Yeah. I mean I feel like if
someone’s (beep) with you, then you let them know they can’t (beep) with you by (beep) them. – Say a name, a time and place. – Won’t they just ambush us? – I feel like they’ll
kill our parents though. – Why won’t we go to the AV club? That’s where the girls
are that we just lost. – We cannot go–
– That we downloaded. – Yeah. – Download it.
– Maybe that’s what the person means. – Exactly, that’s what I’m afraid. They know what we’ve done. – So why don’t we call our
parents and tell them– – Oh yeah, Aguefort is their place though. They have cameras on it.
– I’ll call my mom, tell her to keep an eye on Gilear, they’ll be fine. – We should tell–
– Your dad’s a freaking– – Yeah, let’s all call our parents. – Let’s get our parents
to hang out together. – Yes, let’s do that. – Let’s get our parents
to hang out together, and then I’ll send a cowardly text back being like, “Please, we’ll
do anything you want.” – Yeah, that’s great.
– Yes I’d like, if anything, let’s play into their hand. – I think there’s, let’s arrange for a mixer at Strong
Tower Luxury Apartments. – [Brennan] A mixer? – Yeah, let’s like tell
our parents to hang out. – Shall we go to the grocery store? – No, we shouldn’t get anything! Let’s just have our
parents go to Strong Tower. – Well no, because
that’s one of the places. Why don’t we send them to like– – Yes, somewhere–
– If they’re all in the same place, they
can beat somebody up. – The ice cream store. – Count point–
– Or they could all be killed. – I don’t trust all of your parents. – Yeah, I don’t trust my parents, and I’m sorry, but I
don’t trust your parents. – All right, well. – And I’m sorry, but I don’t trust one of your parents. – Cool, well the girls–
– My mom? – Got downloaded to the AV club, or send to the AV club server. – I think you’re right, let’s go. – I’m gonna call my mom,
and then we should go. – Yeah, let’s go.
– Call her up. – Ask your mom who the hell it was that got her to make this power machine. – Yeah, call your mom.
– Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, wait, we are not going to the AV club, all right, we don’t know what this person is capable of, what they can do. I mean I am not feeling comfortable– – Can you go in disguise at John Spells? – I would like to, they don’t think I’m Johnny Spells, they
know that we have the phone. I would like to–
– Is there a number? – I would like to disguise myself right now at fearful,
or something like that. I would like to take on– – Just disguise yourself as
a scared version of yourself? – So you just could ask scared. – [Emily] Yeah. – Yeah, you’re an actor, Fig.
– But I’m saying, I want to be authentically, I want to be performing as
scared whilst I send a text. – Boo! (Brian laughing) – All right, that was little,
that was just surprising. – Riz, I’m (beep) German
shepherd, you can’t scare me. And while I just wanna be acting so scared whilst I send a text, and say “Please, we’ll do anything. “What do you want from us?” – Yes, I love that. – Wait, is there a number on that phone that sent us the messages? – It’s probably just another burner. – It’s a number we haven’t
gotten anything from yet. – It’s an unknown number. – Unknown. Maybe call your parents,
and then we can find out. – I’m going to call,
Gorgug calls his parents. – Cool. – They send that to us.
– You can see Gorgug takes out his phone. Gorgug now has little crows feet at the edge of his eyes, and a streak of white in the front of his hair. – Gorgug, you look really cool. – I feel older.
– Sorry, you look like Jerri Blank. (everyone laughing) – [Lou] Who? – From Strangers With Candy. – You look over as you’re calling your parents and see the little empty palimpsest Rezelda was moments ago on the little structure. – Do you wanna keep it? – Hello, hey there bud, is that you? How did the fight go, did you do it? – It went really bad. – Oh no! – Hey who, who asked you to build this power device, this battery thing? – Oh, well the owners of
the arcade, of course. – Who are they? – One of the guy’s names was Frank. – Okay. Do you remember any other details? – Ask the last name, last name. – Frank something, what
was Frank’s last name? – Dunford. – Dunford, like, no I
don’t know what that is. – You look upon the wall and see this little photo in the arcade of a guy named Frank Dunford. – Is this the dude? – Who’s like excited to open the arcade. – Okay, just some guy. – Can we inspect to see
if that guys around here? – [Brian] Let’s investigate. – Yeah. – The Dunford painting. So much. – I’d like to go–
– 26. – Is that guy here? Could he be tied up somewhere? – It looks like the owner of the arcade– – [Brian] It’s just pumped open. – Has just pumped open an arcade. – Well hey, mom, dad, I don’t know what’s going on, but we, I don’t think things are safe at the house. Shall I tell them to go somewhere? – Yeah.
– Luxury apartments. – Go to the Stone Tower Luxury Apartments, Strongtower Luxury Apartments. – Can you go to the
Strongtower Luxury Apartments and meet, you know, Riz’s mom and Gilear? – And Gilear. – We’d love to. All right,
we’ll see you later. – Okay, bye, be careful. – I text my parents, “Can you meet me “at the Strongtower Luxury Apartments?” – Don’t bring your parents. – You text your parents that, you see that you get a little sort of ellipsis and then a text back saying, “Would have been nice to have
you “at mass last Sunday.” – (beep) them. I don’t
know if that’s a yes or no. – I text my mom, “Do you even care “where I am right now?” (Ally laughing) – There is no response forthcoming. – God, I (beep) hate her. – I’m gonna call my mom and let her know that people are coming, so I call my mom. – You go straight to voicemail. – Got it. – Can I call Gorthalax? – Yeah, you’ve sent him a couple of texts and he hasn’t answered back. – (beep) dead. I’m gonna straight up call him. – It rings for a little while, and then “Oh, this is the voicemail “of Gorthalax the Insatiable. “I’m not available to
take your call right now, “but if you please leave
your name and number “I’ll be happy to get back to you “at my earliest convenience. “Have a great day” beep. – You’d never believe that he was trapped in a ruby for so long. He’s just taken to modern
traditions so well. – He’s right back at it. – Cool.
– That’s great. – I guess I’ll–
– I think we should go to the–
– I’ll leave my mom a voicemail, and I say, “Hey mom, “got some threatening text messages “with pictures of the apartment and such. “Not worried about you, but Gilear “probably can’t defend himself. “If you could get back to the Strongtower “Luxury Apartments, and maybe look after “the gnomes and Gilear,
that would be great.” – Gilear’s got a little knife. – Gilear’s got a little knife. Bye mom, love you. (everyone laughing) – Cool. You guys see that sort of Biz is there in handcuffs looking morose. You guys are in the back
room of this arcade. What do you do next? – Let’s go to the AV club. – Have we got anything back
from this phone number? – Have I gotten anything
back that I sent that? – Nope. – Let’s just go to the AV club. – Let’s go the AV Club.
– Right now it doesn’t seem like a good idea but– – You guys walk out
past the shattered glass with the different like
arcade prizes in there. – I’ll investigate them. – [Siobhan] Oh yeah, I’ll do that too. – 21. – I’ll do an arcana check
on what is in there. 26. – I mean these are the
dopest magical items. – All right let’s go there. We have Biz with us, right? We’re taking him? – Wait, can I take the shoes as well? Can I take this stuff? – Anything that would be
armor or weapons or anything, we’d like to grab.
– Yeah anything– – You find the stuff that is
like the most sort of magical. There’s about six items
in here that are sort of– – How convenient. – How convenient! That are powerfully magical. All the other (beep) is sort
of like janky, whatever. – Dope. – But here they all are right here. – Okay! – Plus one to AC and
saves, that’s pretty good. – [Siobhan] Teddy bear of health. – Head wounds of solitude, resistant to– – So you guys see, looking at this, you guys don’t know what this stuff do because you haven’t cast an
identify spell on it yet. What you guys see is a
dope set of headphones, a rad skateboard, this
cool little teddy bear, it’s about this big, a little
tiny little teddy bear. A dope pair of sneakers,
a black short sword that Fabian already grabbed,
and a mythril snap bracelet. – I mean I’ll bite, I’ll cast an identify spell on this (beep). – Oh baby! Six items, this will be a heavy lift for the identify spell. Ah yes, the sword of shadows, crafted by Tabacsi Ninja in ages long past. The sword may summon the spirits of shadow warriors to help it’s owner go unmolested by assailants. The teddy bear of helpfulness, forged by gnomish warlocks
in ages long past. The teddy bear of helpfulness is able to focus on maintaining spell energy that usually requires a
caster’s full concentration. The sneakers of dunking,
forged from the heart of a dying star by
seven elite fashion magi who gave their life to
complete the sneakers. These bad boys are wildly expensive. Enable the wearer to jump ridiculous distances in a single bound. The headphones of solitude, crafted by Agatha the Lonely, these headphones endure the wearer against any outside noise, protecting them against arcane attacks
of the sonic variety. The skateboard of sickness. This rad deck was crafted by dwarves deep in the pipes of Calamoria, and grants the user not only swiftness but abilities to impress ones peers. And finally, the mythril
snap bracelet of protection. This absolutely gorgeous
yet tasteful artifact was first given by Ildamry the Wise to her BFF, Llewellyn the Fair when she was heading out of town for the weekend, and Ildamry wanted to make sure that she would be all right. As legend has it, she was. This has been, if I may say so, the best use of the identify spell. – Thank you so much identify spell. – Thank you. – It’s nice to be
recognized for ones efforts. – You don’t have to thank
it, it’s a service, you know. – Skateboard doesn’t help me at all. – I think it helps me, I
could dash to heal someone. – [Brian] Oh that’s interesting. – I think you’re gonna want that. I guess if anyone– – This needs to be a spell person, because this does nothing for– – That’s true, I have
a lot of concentration. – Concentrates on a spell
for you, what does that mean? – It’s just, you don’t have to– – So like, for example– – So your bless is a concentrate, right? So you could do two blesses. – Yes, you could do two blesses. – But that, she wants, don’t we want the dash for her though? – I mean–
– Some, do you guys have spell specific ones? I could use the rapier,
the shoes or the bracelet. – This is plus one to AC and saves. – I wonder if I should take, what’s everyone’s AC like? – My AC’s 12.
– Riz is fine. – I mean an AC 12 is bad. – As you guys are walking out of the mall sort of talking about all these artifacts, you guys leave with Biz in tow, and you guys see up above you, outside of the mall. Boom, boom. (Brennan vocalizing) You hear choppers and the
parking lot is full of cops. (beeping) Over the loud speaker saying, “Stand where you are, hands
in the air, don’t move.” (Brennan vocalizing) – I guess we’ll do what they say. – Should we split up and have someone who can hide go to the AV club? – What if I just disguise myself as someone else and I go
get arrested for this? And then you guys break me out of jail. – There’s helicopters on top. – We all put our hands, we’re coming! We are compliant, whatever
you are requesting. – You guys see that behind you, some like guys repel down up above you to like block your exit
back into the mall. – Okay. – You see that a agent, a half
elven woman walks forward. She’s got her hair like long and back in these sort of braids, sunglasses, dark suit, arcane pistol at her hip. She steps forward and says, “Figueroth Faeth, Gorgug Thistlespring, “Adaine Abernant, Fabian
Aramaris Seacaster, “Kristen Applebees, Riz Gukgak.” – It’s actually Figueroth
Faeth the Insatiable. – You’re all under the arrest for the murder of Johnny Spells. – What? – You see that, you see
that behind this woman you see your mom steps out and goes, “Agent Worrel, if I can
talk to you for a second. “We, these kids go to
the Adventuring Academy.” You see that Agent Worrel
turns around and says, “I don’t know what the (beep)
is going on in this town. “I get a sheet a couple days ago “that a mans car was
stolen, and he was shot “in the back of the head with a crossbow “in broad daylight, and that a coach “was murdered in the middle
of the field, trespassing.” – There was a demon portal
there too though, right? – Yeah, he was attacking us. – You remember the demon
portal that was there? – It’s a little unprofessional to be so emotional at work. – Oh I’m sorry, there was a demon portal. That’s how laws work, right? – What do you mean? – That’s how you want a civilization? – Do you want the apocalypse to happen? – You can’t murder people! – We should wait for like– – Yeah, I mean I have diplomatic immunity, so this whole conversation
is already moot. – You see another agent
steps out and says, “As a matter of fact, Ms Abernant, “your nation is currently
at war with our nation.” – I’m not afraid to go to jail, so yeah, we’ll make some friends. – I am. – I mean we can work this out. My name is Fabian Seacaster, I’m son of Bill Seacaster. – I don’t know what kind of (beep) cooky little town you have here where children bang down a highway shooting
weaponry at other people. – Allegedly. – All right, cuff ’em, cuff ’em. – I cast darkness around all of us. (Fabian laughing) – Your spell is immediately
counter spelled by a cop mage. You see he goes, blows some runes off his fingers and goes, “Still got it”. – What is he, is he a dwarf? – No, he looks like a gnome. – Oh okay. Not my type. (laughing) – You guys are brought into custody. – Great! – Cool, cool, very cool. – Really cool, really so cool. – I love going to jail. – You guys are brought
into the prison cell where you see this incredible wrap sheet with like camera footage of you guys like from the diners camera, with you guys like stealing this car and firing weapons on the tieflings behind you. Trespassing the Durinson Mythril Factory, attacking coach. The fight at the Black Pit where they have like the CCTV of you guys running up and killing DJ Brains in
the middle of the combat. All of the (beep) you’ve been doing, and you just hear this
sort of federal agent who’s representative of
the Council of the Chosen talking to the cops. You see one of the local cops goes like, “You mean normally, you know, they’re from “the Adventuring Academy. “Normally we just kind
of look the other way “when this stuff happens.” And you see the agent kind of like rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I cannot believe that this “is how this town has been running. “This is a (beep) nightmare.” She gets up and leaves. You guys are all in your holding cell. You guys have a little bit of privacy in your holding cell. – We’re all in the same cell? – You’re all in the same cell together. You see that there’s a sort of cop sitting on a little counter talking. He goes “All right guys, well you know, “we got a couple of federal mages “that are helping out with
keeping an eye on these kids. “Just wanna say, you know, to kind of “clear the air here gang, hasn’t been “a great week for the precinct, you know, “we kind of let this
one kind of just come in “and visit suspect we were holding.” – How did you guys know? – We watched the tapes later. And you know, and then we got hit by that team of elven assassin, that kind of strike force,
and we lost another, you know, prisoner there. – And some evidence, it sounds like. – Yeah, oh we had our
evidence locker broken into, and the palimpsest went missing. Has not been a really banner
time for the precinct, so let’s try, and we can just keep those lines of communication open. – Was there anything else stolen
other than the palimpsest? – Hm? – When the palimpsest was
stolen by that strike force? – Like what? – Anything else, I’m just wondering. – Any other artifacts.
– Can I do like an investigation check? – “Honestly, I goofed
and kind of misplaced “the files of what we had
in the inventory there. “So we gotta find that,
guys, keep an eye out “for that inventory, if you can. “We’ll do our best, but you know, “thank you guys for helping out, huh? “Okay.” And you see
that he sort of address the other cops, they break and go off in their own different directions. – Can I do an investigation check of this cell to see if there’s any like levers or little holes with keys in? – Sure, go for it. – Messages on the walls
or anything like that. 23. – You do not see any little levers or holes in the wall or
anything else like that. – There’s no like– – We’re stuck here guys. – Is there no one, so there’s no one within reach of us,
like there’s no one else that we can see or talk to? – Another cop comes in with your meals and checks in on you guys. “You guys wanna make your phone call? “You’re free to do that.” You see he hands a little
crystal through the bars. – Yes please, I’ll take that. – Call your dad. – Yes, can I call, I’d
like to call my father. – You give your dad a ring. You see that the phone
rings for a little while, then, “Yar, this be Bill Seacaster.” – Oh, hello papa. Well you see, I’m currently
in jail with my friends. We were, we got caught in the middle of a failed battle, you see, and we could use some
assistance in getting out. – Aye, you’re in the brig now, are ya? – Yes, it would seem that way. – Right. I’ll come by. – Thank you papa. – Do you know what they
posted your bail at? – I am not aware, but I can check. – You tried to escape? – Yes we have. – All right. The phone hangs up.
– I can still keep trying. – Oh yeah, I’m still gonna try. – Guys, nobody, my father’s on the way. He’ll handle everything. – You guys are in this jail, you look out through the gray cloudy day out there. Sort of miasma of dread
has settled over the town. Talk of war with Fallinel, and general early March kind of rainy time out there. You see that the cop asks you guys, “All right, anyone else
wanna make their call?” – I guess I’ll call my parents and see if they got to your house. – Well my mom is for sure busy. I should probably call my mom. – I’d like to call–
– Maybe someone here could tell you what your mom’s doing. – Yeah, can you just talk
to your mom in person? – Yeah, is my mom just around? – Your mom comes over to
the jail cell and goes, “Hey kiddo, how’s it going?” – I mean bad, I’m in jail. – I’m so sorry about this. The truth is that, you
know, Arthur Aguefort, when he was alive, handled these things. He had some kind of connection with the government or
something like that. This just never came up, I mean, you know obviously it’s not great to selectively apply laws to people but you’re adventurers,
you’re in the academy. The whole point is that you’re largely criminal vigilantes, that’s
what the school’s for. – Thank you. – I’m gonna try my best to
see if we can handle this. Nothing’s going to happen quickly, so I think it’s best if
you guys just hang tight. – Cool. – And I’m real sorry kiddo.
– Okay, and I say in goblin, “Is there any way out of this cell?” – You see that she says, “No, the feds have
investigated everything, “but we’re gonna take
care of it, don’t worry.” – Cool, thanks mom. – She heads out. Did you call Thistlesprings? – Yes. – Can I be reading this
book of world religions? – Yeah, you’re just sitting there. You see that another prisoner down the cell block goes like, “Yeah, that’s good. “If you find religion
in here, you can get out “earlier most of the time.” – Really? – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – What was like the
truth one that you found? – What? – What, did you find the true religion? – I don’t think there is a true religion, I think it’s a subjective thing. I think its relative to each person. Don’t say you worship the God of Thieves, because that just, you
get right back, you know. – Oh yeah, I can see that. – I did that my first time,
and you learn the hard way, you know what I mean? – You wanna smoke? – Hell yeah! – I rolled ’em myself. Cloves, herbal. – Oh, I’m good, thank you. (everyone laughing) You see that, you call the
Thistlesprings on the phone. “Hey there bud, how’s it going?” – Hey, just making sure you
got over to the apartments. – Oh sure, we’re over here
with Gilear right now. We’re having a great time. – What, really? – What’s that, yeah for sure! We were just singing a little song to him. – What are you singing to him? – You hear your mom in
the background saying. ♪ When you start to feel real sad ♪ ♪ It’s probably because
you just feel mad ♪ ♪ Just remember we’re
Gorgug’s mom and dad ♪ ♪ And then you should be a better dad ♪ – Oh God, okay. – Is that Gilear crying in the background? – I don’t deserve to be mocked
this way, in my own home. (everyone laughing) Please take the turkey trackers you’ve already had bites
of and see yourself out. (everyone laughing) – Don’t listen to him,
just stay there mom. Okay, I’ll talk to you later, I just wanted to make sure you were safe. – “Perhaps I should go.” You see that they hang up. – You didn’t wanna tell
him that you were in jail? – I don’t know. – Can I call Principal Goldenhoard? – Yeah, for sure. – That’s a good one.
– Great! – You can call his office, yeah. – Yeah, I will try and call his office. – That’ll happen the next day, because he’s probably not
in the office at night. – Oh right, it’s night time. Dang. – I’ll go ahead and say that you guys spend the night in jail. The next morning comes. – Are we rested?
– No word from Bill yet, but you can use your phone
call to call the office. – Great. – Hello and good morning. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking to? – Hello principal, this
is Adaine Abernant. We have gotten– – Don’t tell him I’m here. – We’ve gotten arrested for things that we were supposed to
have been doing in school. (Lou laughing) – You’ve been arrested for murder, trespassing, thievery and other various side effects of the adventurers life. – The school teaches, yes. – Hell mouths and stuff,
you know, saving the world. – Yeah, all the hell mouths and stuff. – This is so frustrating. Arthur had a way of
handling all these things. Look, I’m going to dip
into his personal library. I don’t like to go in
there, there’s a lot of– – Spicy stuff, I read his autobiography. – Raw, sexual things in there that make me frankly uncomfortable. I’ll see what I can do. Don’t speak to any
prosecutors without a lawyer, and if you get a chance,
make a break for it. Go ahead and kill whoever you have to kill to get out, and we’ll pay for
the resurrections, all right? – Thank you so much, that’s exactly what we were thinking of doing. – Well, I’m very glad to hear that there are some students here that still know how to
live the adventurer’s life! – We love this school so much, and we’ve learned so
much in the past year. – That really is touching, I have to say. I was worried about you lot with the detention on the first day, but I’m very proud of all
the process you’ve made. I’m going to go– – Can I ask something? – Yeah. – I’m asking you guys before you ask him, but can we ask him to– – Sorry, just a sec. – To look in the trash
can of Arthur Aguefort. – That’s what I was gonna say.
– Oh yeah. – Check in the bin. – Professor, before we go, can you look at Professor Aguefort’s trashcan and see if there’s anything weird in there, or under there, or around there? We just got a clue.
– RIP, may be rest in peace, of course. – Yeah, obviously. – Yeah RIP. – [Ally] RIP. – You see he says, “In his trashcan?” – In his trashcan. – May I ask why? – It was a clue! – A clue? Very well, I shall take a look as soon as I can. – Thank you so much. – “You’re welcome.” Hangs up. You guys see that a few moments later, a few minutes later in the day, Sandralynn walks in, your mom. – Hey mom, how’s Gorthalax? – Hey sweetie, I heard the
news that you were in jail. Gorthalax is not doing great. (gentle piano music) We had a conversation early yesterday. (Brennan sighing) He came over the night before, and after that, we spoke and I had to sort of break the news to him that there was not really going to be a chance of us being together. – Did you guys have sex? – Kristen! – [Brian] Kristen, what are you doing? – Oh I’m sorry. I thought maybe we were all wondering– – We don’t care.
– No, we are not all wondering.
– We don’t care if you had sex.
– They definitely did, I know they did, I know they did. – I’ll just get back to my book. – Yeah, read please. (Brennan sighing) – That’s a yeah, right? – He took the news pretty hard, and he left, and I haven’t
been able to reach him. I think it seems possible
that he went back to hell. (tense music) – But they were gonna demote him in hell. Also, I’m here. – I’m so sorry kiddo. – You scared him away? You rejected him, so now he’s not in my life, once again. Are you the one who put him
in that ruby to begin with? – I didn’t put him in the
ruby to begin with, sweetie. That was Arthur. I’m sorry. (Brennan sighing) – Well I’m assuming that you came to say you know how to get us out, because you’re so sorry that you scared away my dad for a second time. – “I’m helping Sklonda try to find a way “to get you guys out of here. “I don’t know if your
dad will be coming back. “I wanted you to have
these now that you know.” And she hands you a little picture book of like old crystal polaroids. You see there are pictures of your mom and Gilear when they were young. Your mom was like an insane
elf ranger like rocker. She has like leather studded
like wrist guards and bracers. She has all these (beep) weapons, like short sides on the hair, like mohawk. She looks like a lunatic,
and you see Gilear is just there in a short button up, not as bald but still sort
of a far back hairline, kind of looking square. And there’s pictures of her and Gorthalax at like concerts and stuff like that, and you see sort of a young
Gorthalax and your mom. – Why are you giving these to me? – Cat’s out of the bag,
you deserve to know. – So you just had this all along? – I didn’t know that
you’d sprout the horns. I thought we’d make it through. I’m gonna try to get you guys out of here. She turns around and leaves, and you can’t help but
notice like a strong similarity between the way you look now and the way your mom
looked as a young woman. – Guys, I always thought
I had daddy issues, but I’m starting to think
I have mommy issues. – I think you have a bunch of issues. – It’s just issues. – [Siobhan] Like really a bunch. – Layer cake of issues. – Don’t get us wrong, like we really like you.
– Friend issues, daddy issues, mommy issues. – You tried to hook up with a 24 year old, like a grown man with a medical degree. – Tried and successfully. I’m successfully kissing him
once every couple of weeks. – Okay, stop.
– Interception, it’s very creepy. – Once every couple of weeks. – You were flirting with the principal.
– Later that day, you hear the stomping boots and swishing, this green and gold cloak. Bill Seacaster walks up, he says, “Right, let’s have it open then.” You see that one of the
cops opens the cell, he walks in, everyone here
make a perception check. (dice bouncing) – [Fabian] Not good. – Not one. (Siobhan laughing) – For the first time
in the whole game, 18. – Hell yeah, 19.
– I got 20, I got 20. – Yeah I got a 10. – Seven.
– Okay, it’s still not the first, but it’s better than ever. – So Gorgug, you’ve just rolled a not one. You’ve met Bill Seacaster so many times. – Don’t (beep) do this. (tense music) – You realize it makes perfect sense now. It feels like things are coming to a head, your story’s almost sort of
unwinding, it’s unfolding. This makes sense. You’re on the Owlbears with Fabian. You and Fabian joined the same group. If you’re not brothers,
all it would require was Bill Seacaster to have a child with an orcish woman, how
unlikely would that be? Bill Seacaster sailed
all around the world. Of course he found an orcish woman. This was years ago. Oh my God dude, Bill– – Father! – What, who are you talking to? (sword scratching) – What do you know? – Wait, are you my dad? – But papa.
– Are you my son? – Are you my dad?
– Papa, no way! – Are you my son? – There’s no way!
– Is this real? I don’t know my dad, you would
know better than I would. – Have you ever been with an orcish woman? – Hundreds! – Of course he has. – Why would you kill me? – Why would you know that? – Nobody surprises me with information I wasn’t expecting! – I just making a guess, it
just seems like it’s true. – We are not brothers. – We could be twins. – Twins from two different wombs. – Yeah. – Both of you stop, papa! – Leave it to Bill Seacaster to sire twins in two different women! – No papa, okay everyone needs to stop. Everyone needs to stop, no one is, you’re not my brother, you can’t do that. Papa, you can do anything,
but you can’t do that. Anyway. – What if my mom is your
mom with Bill Seacaster? – Do not support him! – Oh my God.
– He says, “Well, that’s right. “I have only one son in
this room right now.” – Me? – No. – Oh stop. (laughing) – He says, those of you who rolled a 20 or higher on your perception. – I did. – You see in Bill
Seacaster’s pocket a lump, and peaking out through the top of it, you see a crystal palimpsest. (Emily gasping)
(tense music) He looks at you and says, “So my boy, you found yourself here “in the brig with your friends.” – Yes papa, we were out
crusading around town and, I mean you know better than anyone that adventures catch up
with you at some point. – Do they though, because
they don’t with me. I took all my wealth, dragged my ship out of the sea and put it here to give you the best chance you could get. – I’d like to try to slight
of hand it out of his pocket. – [Brennan] Go ahead and make the check. (dice bouncing) – I got a 19. (dice bouncing) – You guys see Fig pull
a crystal palimpsest out of Bill Seacaster’s pocket. – Did you ever have sex with anyone? – What did you say? – I’m sorry, I’m going wild. – It begins at the ripe old age of nine. – Thank you! No adults will talk to me about this, my parents just say it doesn’t happen ’til you’re married,
and then all of a sudden you know everything.
– Do you think it’s gonna give you– – This is not the time. – Sorry.
– Oh it’s not the time? – No it’s not the time, papa. – Not the time for what? – Not the time for you to be educating my friends on your sexual
endeavors, all right? Get us out of this God (beep) jail cell. – Oh you’ll raise your voice to me now! – Yes, I will papa! (tense music) – “I tried to give you the best life “and all it did was make you soft. “You wanna know something? “I know just why you are not like me “and it’s because I would never let “any man speak to me the way
I’m speaking to you right now!” And he shoves you. – I would like to attempt to grapple him. – Is he in our cell? – He’s in the cell with you. – Yeah, I’d like to fight him. – Go ahead and give me
an apposed athletics. You need to beat a 19. (dice bouncing) – Not even close. Do I get an advantage? (laughing) – Jump, jump! – Can I jump? – Jump yeah, go ahead
jump, (beep) go for it. – Didn’t help. I guess I can’t beat my father. – You leap and he takes you to the ground. You go wham, bam, gets you on your back, and you see he says “Are you a Seacaster “or aren’t you boy?” You see he goes, “Look at you, “look at you here in this prison. “I told you what you needed to do. “You didn’t need to be friends, “you didn’t need to be noncing
around with your peers. “You are a captain.” Bam, he hits your head to the floor. “You’re meant to lead, boy!” – Can I make a perception
check on all this? – [Brennan] Go for it. – 17. – 17? You see that, yeah, Fig has pulled his palimpsest from his coat. He’s rolling on the floor with Fabian. He’s got you pinned. You can attempt to escape the pin, or you can attempt to make an attack. – I’d like to make an
attack from within the pin. – Is he himself though? This is like a new Seacaster. – Is this like a kill each other fight, or is this a wrestling fight right now? – Seems like a wrestling fight right now. Go head–
– I’m not going to get involved until it is actually– – [Brennan] Go ahead and roll your attack. – Great. (dice bouncing) 26. – Yeah that’ll do it. – Okay great. – If you want to take another attack you can as well, yeah. – Oh great. (dice bouncing) That’s 12. – 12, first one hits. You see on his back,
Fabian cocks a fist back and wham, right across Seacaster’s jaw. His eye patch (beep) swivels on his head, and he flops to the
ground next to you, bam. – I’d like to get on top of him, and give him one more. – Go for it. – Great. (dice bouncing) 18. – That’ll do it. – [Lou] Great. – You on top of him, wham, some teeth scatter across the floor. You see he goes. (Brennan spitting) (gentle music) (Brennan laughing) He attempts to try and get up. – May hit him again. – Go for it. Oh God. – 26. (Brennan laughing) – You go crack, and you
see he goes unconscious. – I’d like to just get up and
go walk off into the corner. – Does he have, I’m gonna
search his pockets for– – What is this palimpsest thing? Oh yeah.
– I’m trying to hide it guys. – I checked his pulse, he’s knocked out. – Can I do, can I cast detect magic? I would like to see if
there’s anything going on. – You don’t detect any magic, it just appears to be Bill Seacaster. – Okay great, but he doesn’t have any magical objects like buzzing– – I mean his eye patch is magical, his rapier’s magical, his coat is magical. He’s an adventurer. – Do you want to identify–
– Can we investigate this? – Yeah, can I investigate this palimpsest? – Yeah, go for it. – With my detect magic, can I see who’s trapped in it?
– 14. – There is no one trapped in it currently. It looks like a blank palimpsest. – Huh? – Guys, we have spent all of our lives, some of us more than others,
obsessed with our dads and we’ve completely ignored our moms. – You just, again, talking about yourself. – Do you see what’s happening? I’m watching Fabian
literally beat up his dad. – He has a great
relationship with his mom. – I don’t know, my mom’s fine. – Can we check his pockets and see if there’s anything else weird there? – [Brennan] Sure, can we investigate? – 16. – You just find stuff in there, so he has the palimpsest,
there’s other stuff in there that appears
to be like, you know, gold coins and other stuff like that. You see that he has little
bank slips from KVX. – Okay, I’ll grab those. – After a moment, you see that a cop sort of walks back into the room sipping a little cup.
– I pocket my crystal. – Can of soda, goes “God dang, this is why “I’m supposed to stay in the room.” And you see he comes in, and
grabs Bill Seacaster’s body, drags it out and says,
“We gotta shake things up “around here, because boy, we’ve had “a lot of goofs recently,
you know what I mean?” Okay– – I would like to cast suggestion on him. – Go for it. – I tell him, when I ask for it, you’ll give me the key to this door. – [Zac] I think we could
just leave right now. – Yeah, aren’t we bailed out? – Oh we are? – You see that he drags Seacaster out, closes the door, locks it. Goes, “Sure, do you work for the feds?” – Yeah. – Okay, you see that
he takes Bill Seacaster out of the office. You hear a moment of
silence, and then you hear, “God (beep) no she doesn’t work for us, “she’s in the cell.” (everyone laughing) “What is wrong, what is actually wrong? “Someone explain to me in a way “that I can understand how this happened.” Bill Seacaster’s dragged out of there. – Sorry about your dad. – Is his eye patch, did
his eye patch go flying? – It did not go flying, it’s
just swing around on his head. – Can I, just frustrated, can I look at the bars on the window? – Sure. – Can I, do I need to make an invest, I’m just gonna go on a rage
to try to pull them out. – So we are still in here, right? We’re all still stuck in here?
– [Brian] Yeah. – Why don’t I dimension
door one or two of us out? – Oh hell yeah. – You will die. – Why?
– No, well stealth, we’re not gonna, I’m not gonna sit in this cell all the time.
– I’m gonna go into a rage and try to strength check just open this. – [Brian] We’re gonna
get the hell out of here. – All right. I rolled, what’s my strength? Is it a saving throw or
just regular strength? – It’s just regular strength. – Okay, but I have an
advantage because I’m raging. (dice bouncing) Okay, so 14. – You cannot pull the bars apart. – [Emily] All right, can I– – Fig, if you can get me out of here, I can steal the keys off that dude. He’s not smart. – You’re tiny though, right? Can’t you get through the bars? – Go ahead and give me an
arcana check real quick. – Great. (dice bouncing) 19. – You see that there is an
abdurative ward on the jail cell. – Thought there might be.
– It’s an arcane spell sanc. So spell energy goes. – Can I try to just
squeeze through the bars? – Yeah, you can try
squeeze through, go for it. – This ought to work. (dice bouncing) Acrobatics 16. – Unfortunately no. You guys, you hear no more
word from Bill Seacaster. You guys spend days here until you are eventually brought to your own cells that are all on the same block, so you can keep talking to each other. (beeping) Turn into couple weeks. (beeping) – Jesus.
– Okay well, guys, we have to do something then. So we have to do some kind of shenanigans. I’m gonna disguise myself as one of, as the elven woman who’s
the lead prosecutor, and I’m gonna start making
a ruckus and be like, that little (beep) got
a way, she got away! – You see that one of
the cops looks and says, “Oh my God, she got away!” – That little (beep). I went in to go have a
conversation with her. – You see another cop comes in and says, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey question for you, “if she got away, why do you get “into the jail cell, you know?” – Because she pushed me
in, because she’s a crafty adorable little girl. – She got you (beep).
– All right. Let’s get her! (gun shots firing) They just open fire in the jail, running down the hallway. – Oh quick, quick, oh
well let me out of here. – We’ll get her now! – I chase after them to try to– – Oh they didn’t open the door, they just run down the hallway shooting wildly in the air. – Is there like a dog somewhere? – You guys are terrible. – That I can like– – You guys hear–
– Give a bone to. – You guys hear at the end of
the hallway, you guys hear. A little dog with a key. You guys hear at the end of the hall, bam bam bam, “God (beep)! “You idiots, call a medic.” “Oh geez lady, sorry I
shot you in the leg there.” “Why are you opening fire?” – I’m a medic! – “Oh wait, this guy seems like “he’s got some kind of medic.” “He doesn’t. “Anything down there is
prisoners, no more”– – That’s her, I am the
real, I am the real one. – I have the heal feet. I am actually a medic, so. – Can I talk to the woman? – Yes, you do.
– Can I like call her over? Hey. – I’m still looking
like her and eyeing her. – I’m aware I’m like an active suspect, and I’ve been in here for so long, but I know a lot about the people that you’re trying to
find, because I grew up in a very religious house. So if you need any, if you need help or– – Who am I trying to find? – Well, shouldn’t you tell me? – I found the people I’m trying to find, it’s the six of you.
– There are people– – We’re children. – There are evil people out there. – I am the head of the
juvenile department. – Can I roll insight on this? – Yes.
– I’m 14, how am I in a regular jail? – Because the child jail got– – 18. – [Brennan] What’s that? – 18 insight check. – She just looks like a
hard (beep) federal agent. She looks at you and says, “So I’m the fake me,
and you’re the real me?” – You know what, yeah. – Cool, what’s my name? What’s your name? What’s your name? – My name? – Yep, what’s your name? – I’m Katy. – Katy? – Katy. – Katy, you sure it’s Katy? Would you bet your life on Katy? – Yeah, I (beep) would because I’m not afraid of dying, because you pigs have had my locked up! – My name is Angela Worrel, and you’re an idiot, as is
every cop in this precinct. – You’re a pig! – I hand her like a ripped up page from my crazy world religion book that has like the Harvest Men on it, like a little blurb. – She takes it–
– And I try to act really like. – She takes it and goes, “God (beep), “none of them are supposed to have “their things with them in the cells.” And she walks out of here. – I’m like, oh she’s leaving? – They walk, it goes max security. – Can I, oh sorry, where is the hangman? – Oh, just out and about? – Oh, okay. (Siobhan laughing) – Gotta try. – The hangman. – Master, long have I missed the warmth of your thighs on my seat. – I’m glad this is in my head and no one else can hear
things like that, Christ. Hangman, could you assemble a party of some kind, or do something, get other– – That would be my deepest honor, and the greatest satisfaction to assemble a crew unlike any the world has ever seen to free
you from bondage, sire. I shall lay low, the foundations of the world to see you
made whole once again. – Thank you, thank you
hangman, appreciate it. (motorbike revving) My bike is going to freeze. – He’s just gonna go to
a Harley Davidson dealer and come out with a crew of bikes. – All right guys, I’m sorry. One last thing. – I know there are magic
rune prevention things, but the sword of shadows that I got from Fabian here has a
teleport as a disengage. I would like to just try that. – You can do it in your room
all you want, but it doesn’t. (whooshing) – I look over, I’m like “Riz, you okay?” – Bing bing bing bing bing. – What’s happening over there? – Yeah, night crawler. – I turn into Angela again. – After you talk to the hangman. A few more days pass by. – Dang. – Anybody here make a, I guess, just an intelligence check? Call a DC15 intelligence? – Not a chance. – Nope.
– 18. – 15. – 11. – This, it is May 15th,
which is the day of prom. You guys are in your
cells, you hear something in your mind, you’ve been
here for a long time. You hear a little. (rumbling) And you hear a voice out
in the sort of cop area. They’ve not been in here for a while, they’ve been disallowed from
interacting with you guys. You hear a voice outside be like, “Hi there guys, how’s it going? “Everyone doing good in here? “Great.” You see he says, “Just got some
mail, some deliveries here.” And you hear some sort of
parcels being passed out. Walking down the hall of the jail cell, you see a little halfling postman with little shorts and a shirt, one of those little plith helmets. – Hello sir, remember us? – Oh gosh there gang, how’s it going? – (beep), feds got us in here, man. – Yeah, the pigs have got us. – You’re the guy from–
– [Brian] The ice cream shop. – From the, I picked
you guys up in the car. How’s it going guys? The kids miss you, Mark,
Pep and everybody says hi. Daisy sends her best. – Do you know why we’re in here? Remember that guy who almost killed you and your family in the car,
and then we took care of him? – Mm-hmm. – They got us in there for that. – “What?” You see he winks at you and says, “Sweetheart, you don’t
gotta sweet talk me. “We like you kids, we
think you’re all right, “and the hangman already
explained everything to us.” – It’s the hangman? – You see he says,
“Listen, here’s the thing, “I don’t know what you kids are up to, “but I do know one thing, laws are threats “made by the dominant socioeconomic “ethnic group in a given nation. “It’s just a promise of violence “that’s enacted, and police are basically “an occupying army, you know what I mean? “You guys wanna make some bacon?” He pulls a mask over his face, pulls a lit Molotov cocktail
out of his mail bag and. (whooshing) (crashing) – That was on fire the whole time? – The whole time, kiddo! – You’re so brave! – He goes boom, hits the
lock, opens the jail cell. You see the halflings with like black ski masks propel in, just
start opening fire, smashing. – My mom works here, these
people are good people. – Let’s make some (beep) bacon! – Oh no, let’s not. – Let’s go! – You guys dip the (beep) out of there in a hail of gunfire. – Get our stuff please. – Okay, to the AV club. – It’s been months. – It’s been months! We’ve been in jail. My parents didn’t visit me one time. – Yeah, mine neither. – My mom visited me just
to drop off her memories. – I don’t think my parents
realize I’m in jail. – My parents came to jail and
I beat the (beep) out of them, so maybe you got lucky. – Gilear didn’t even visit me. Gilear and Gorthalax didn’t.
– Let’s go to prom. – Yeah. – Let’s just see what’s
going on with prom, right? – Well yeah, we know bad stuff
is going on at prom, right? – You guys dip out from here. I’m gonna need either like a
stealth check from somebody. – Sure. – I’m gonna say make it with disadvantage as you’re trying to hide the whole group. I guess you guys are all tryna help. – I can also guys–
– Just make a, make a flat stealth check. – Okay. (dice bouncing) 25. (beeping) – Riz, you dart out of
the police precinct. You hear fire and noise and
shouting from behind you, and you guys dip out of
there as fast as you can. You guys run down an alleyway, and Riz, you start guiding them through these back alleys and
different small areas in the city center. What are you guys gonna do? – Let’s. – Shall we call the principal and see if there’s anything
going on at school? – Yeah. – Yeah. – I think we should just crawl into, I think we should break
into Aguefort’s office and go through his stuff.
– I feel like we should– – We either go to Seacaster
Manor or Agueforts. – We’re not going Seacaster Manor. – Not going to Seacaster Manor. – He’s up to something.
– Also I’ve got this fricking– – He is up to something.
– Crystal palimpsest. – He’s up to something.
– From your dad. – Wait, can we use that palimpsest to see what the number is associated? Is it that kind of crystal? – It’s not a phone.
– It’s like a trap. – It’s like a hard drive.
– It’s for trapping people. – Gotcha. – But there’s nobody in there right now. – Should we go spy in Bill Seacaster? – I think we need to go
through Aguefort’s (beep). – Can see if there, I mean we might be able to do something, that could be a special one or something. It might be, I don’t know,
maybe that’s supposed to go to the AV club or something. I don’t know, maybe we go there. – I can send the hangman
to spy on my father. – Okay. – Oh that’s a great idea. – [Brian] Let’s do it. – I shall go and see the
secrets of your father, William Seacaster. – Thank you hangman. – I too felt his buttocks
astride my leather seat. – Please don’t remind me. Thank you, just go, thank you. – A great man, but not as great as you. – That’s very kind of you. – Hangman tears off. – Let’s go. – So I guess we’ll just go to Aguefort. – Yeah, question is how are we gonna– – Do we have any friends who are at prom that we could just hear what the vibe is? – I’m guessing it’s not
prom time yet, right? – What time is it? – Not prom time yet, you
guys have probably two hours. – Oh my God, why don’t we call Ragh? Right?
– For real. – Like at least he knows
what’s been going on at school. – Yeah, we should find
out what’s been happening in the months we’ve been away. – We’re gonna try to find Ragh. – Do you wanna call him
or do you wanna find him? – Let’s call him. – [Siobhan] Yeah. – We can text him to meet us somewhere, or yeah, call him.
– I’ll just call him. – He’s very stupid. I feel like if we don’t
just pull him aside, he’s gonna be with somebody or something. Should we go to Aguefort and either you dress up as somebody
else, or I sneak in and we just pull Ragh out into like the parking lot or something?
– I think you sneak around the back of his office, I
disguise myself and go in. – Dope. – And then we can convene in there. – [Brian] Cool. – Awesome.
– Is it cool with everybody? – Yeah. – Yeah. – You dip out, you head to Aguefort. Who is going where at Aguefort? – Although it would be great to get, it would be great to get Adaine. – Your sister.
– In. – Yeah, I mean I can cast
invisibility on myself, and I can even carry you. – Oh, cool. – With invisibility, but it only lasts for a minute, so we have to (beep). – I’ll wait outside.
– Run in. – Yes, I’ll stay with Gorgug outside. – Okay. – I’m gonna– – Can you disguise other people? – No, just myself. – So you could ask Ragh what’s going on. We’re gonna go into
Aguefort’s office and see if, or should we try to talk to Goldenhoard? – Oh yeah, yeah, you’re right,
I don’t need to help you. I can always talk to Goldenhoard. – You can do both, maybe. – Yeah. The offices are probably closed, right? – Yeah, the school is closed because they’re getting ready for prom. – Okay, we told Goldenhoard to go into Aguefort’s office,
so I don’t know how, he has whatever’s in
there I think, probably. – Let’s call him and then– – We can try to do both, let’s just go. – Okay. – Cool, so me and Adaine are invisible. – [Emily] So you guys are
going into the office. – Yep.
– Just rushing into the office. – Yeah, I guess you don’t
even need me disguised. – But we wanna talk to Ragh, so you should go in a talk to Ragh. – Okay, I’ll just call him.
– Well the school, the school’s locked up, lights out. They’re getting ready
for prom, so it’s like– – Prom is at school though. – Prom is in the gym, which
is a separate building. – Oh, so we can just sneak in. – So we, yeah, so we don’t need
to use invisibility at all. – So we just go in. – [Emily] Let’s all just go in then. – Okay, let’s go. – Yeah, we’ll turn
invisible if we need to. So we go into the school. – You guys walk into the school. You get to the school, go ahead, the doors are locked. – Okay, I will do thieves tools check. – Cool, DC15. (dice bouncing) – So that’s dex plus proficiency bonus. – Yes.
– [Zac] Can we help him? – 17. – Cool. Riz takes up the thieves tools, opens the door, door opens. You guys begin to walk through the halls of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. With the lights off in here, and the ring of the linoleum
and the metal lockers, it’s just echoy and empty here. You see a sort of only light provider is the dull icy white hum
of the crystal cameras up around everywhere. – Oh yeah. – That’s right, there are cameras. – Can I cast darkness like around us so that the cameras wouldn’t detect us? – Yeah, you can do that.
– And it can follow us. – It’ll detect a moving thing of darkness, but yeah, for sure.
– That’s fine. – All right, cool. – You guys head through,
walking very carefully. You arrive at the door of
Arthur Aguefort’s office. – Cool. Try to open it. – Locked as well. (dice bouncing) – Not great. – Can we help his roll? – You can give him an advantage, yeah. – Great. (dice bouncing) I rolled two fours.
– Can I kick the door down? – Go ahead and make an athletics check. (dice bouncing) – Yeah, (beep) 20. – You like are fiddling with this, you hear a little voice say, “Ah fiddle-di-dee, a little thief “attempting to break into
the vault of Arthur Aguefort. “This enchanted door shall find”. Bam, and you see that
Fabian’s foot just connects, boom, door flies open. – We’ve got things to do the ball. Let’s do them. – Look at the bin, I
wanna look in the bin. – Go ahead and make an investigate. – Just kind of investigate
around. (dice bouncing) Wow, a one. – I got it. (dice bouncing) 18. – 19. – You see that the bin is empty. It looks– – Okay, can I do an arcana check on it? – Sure. – What’s that, 21. – 21, you see that there are other sort of files and folders and stuff that are here in the room. You see also that Watches
and Wards is still here, since September first
when Kristen Applebees brought it here. – Wasn’t Watches and Wards supposed to be in the library to stop bad spells from happening in the school? – It absolutely was. – Can we take it back there? – I’m gonna go ahead and
give you guys some stuff. – Can we like look under it
and look at the bin itself? – Yeah, does he have a computer with a trash folder? – I wanna go through his desk and look for secret draws under the draws. – What were the investigate
checks you wanted made? – I did a 19. – 19.
– 12. – One.
– 12? – 19. – I had gotten a– – 17, I have a negative one too. – Cool, here is Watches and Wards, which you can use to detect magic on. Here is some stuff that you guys find, which seems kind of
boring, it’s just payroll and federal paperwork information. – Okay, we wanna look at that because we know that somebody was paying the school or something. When we went to Daybreaks,
there was weird stuff, somebody like on the school board was paying money to the
Harvest Men or something. – Daybreak was getting a huge salary. – Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we look into Daybreak’s salary? – Yeah, you’ve got (beep). – It’s on here. I thought this was like
just fun role play. – Go ahead and read, guys
let’s read these out loud. – Okay.
– Okay. – Let’s start, you guys can read that. Adaine, why don’t you go ahead and read what you’ve learned here? – “You are reading the first few pages “of Watches and Wards. “Examining the spell with detect magic, “you can see a powerful abduration “preventing Kalvaxus from
ever touching the book, “or asking someone to
remove the book for him.” Which means that my
sister is not Kalvaxus. “As long as this book is kept “in the restricted section of the library, “no summonings or harmful conjurations “can occur on school grounds. “Only other Aguefort or the elven oracle “are physically capable of removing “the book from the restricted
section of the library. “All others would be knocked unconscious “on their first attempt.” – Is your sister? – No, I removed it.
– The elven oracle. – You removed it. – I removed it.
– So you’re the elven oracle. – Do you have anything, can you do an arcana check on yourself to see if your memories were erased? – Can you cast identify on yourself? – I don’t know.
– I’m sorry, the elven oracle is a child? You’re not a child, but a teen. – Can I do an arcana, wait, how did you find out that your sister had her mind erased, or was that a spell? – She had that spell. – I did detect thoughts. – I can, oh no– – On her. – What was that spell called? – Modify memory.
– Memory, modify memory. – I’m gonna make, I have
a negative one arcana that I’m gonna change. – You have an arcana check, I don’t think anything not magic is gonna be able to– – Five. – I got an 18 on arcana. – [Brennan] Okay. – I got a 21. – You start looking, so what
are you tryna figure out? – Can I cast detect thoughts on myself? – Can detect thoughts on yourself, I’m just gonna watch your eyes. – Can you dispel? Can you
dispel that spell on yourself? – Give me a history check
and an arcana check. – Okay. I got a 20 history not net. And I got a 24 arcana. – I’m gonna give you two
pieces of information. (beeping) The first piece of information is this. There have been many elven oracles. The elven oracle is a position that is filled by one
elf at a time exclusively as an incredibly potent
arcane figure in the world. The other piece of information is that on the evening of August
31st, the day before you went to Aguefort, presumably, the elven oracle died. (tense music) – So when the last elven oracle dies– – [Brian] Did you become? – Did I become the next elven oracle? – It’s like Santa Claus.
– Do you know what being an oracle does? – Yeah, what does it mean
to be the elven oracle? – Did I get Santa Claused
into being the elven oracle? – I think you’re Santa Claus. – I mean who died and how? – It was in that ship wreck. – It was in the ship wreck,
the elven oracle died. – Oh right. – Whoa! – Wait so then, can you– – If they–
– Can you dispel– – [Brian] Can you stop–
– Can you modify your memory? – Well I don’t think
that, it’s not her memory. – I don’t think it’s her memory. – [Ally] But the ship– – But your sister knew, your
sister knew that you became– – But how did my sister know
that I became the elven oracle? – She must just know. – That sneaky little (beep).
– Is your family– – I hate her so much. – And then she got you
to steal that thing, and she was also–
– You should put the book back.
– Tied to– – We should definitely put the book back. – This is what I have. Financial, this is the
full people on payroll. We have Jawbone, the guidance counselor. Gilear the lunch lag. – [Emily] How much does Gilear make? – Do these match up? I have one that’s a list
of everyone’s raise. – Oh sweet.
– Those match up. – [Emily] How much does Gilear make? – [Brian] So he’s a human,
human lichenthrope, okay. – [Ally] Elf, Gilear. – [Brian] Gilear. – Demon, Gorthalax.
– Demon, Gorthalax. Half elf, Chase. – How much does Porter make? – It’s not an amount, it seems to be the race associated with the person. – So the issue is that
you’re cross referencing the payroll information, which
does have pay information, and a piece of federal paperwork that’s about a diversity initiative from the federal government. So it’s listing the different species of the teachers here. – Cool.
– Got it. – Does one of them not match up? – Do we notice a disparity
in pay per species? – The only non-humanoid
is Casavian the Wise, who’s the custodian. – Make a investigation check for me, Riz. – Oh. – 19. – You’re cross referencing it, they don’t line up. One of those lists is one
longer than the other. – Oh, got it. – You guys see Riz furiously like. (Brennan panting) (gentle music) – [Brian] Okay, so
there are 28 races, 27– – Cool, so someone has been scrubbed from here who is a non-humanoid. – Just says non-humanoid? – You guys pass–
– Is Porter on there? – [Lou] Yes, Porter’s on there. – You guys pass by the library, with Watches and Wards in your hand. – Okay, let’s go into the library. – Wait, can I make a perception check? – Yeah, good idea. I will also do that. – I got a 10.
– Yeah I’ll do that. – 18.
– You guys can make some perception checks on your way out of Aguefort’s office as well. – Cool.
– Oh I got a 16. Oh no, never mind, I didn’t. I got a seven. – Nine. – 17, what was the highest someone got? – [Emily] 16. – [Brennan] 17. – I got a 10. – As you’re leaving, you broke in here a long time ago in the very beginning of, sorry, Riz was the one who broke into the principal’s office, right? – Yeah. – You broke in here. As you’re leaving, you notice one thing. The waste paper bin,
which is totally clean, you didn’t find anything
in, isn’t in the spot where it was when you broke in here last. – Okay. So I’ll check– – Oh my God, it’s a secret door. – Let’s go– – Put it where it used to be. – Okay. Take the bin, put it where it used to be. – Nothing happens. (beeping) – No, no, no, I take it
and I put it upside down. – You see an upside down waste bin. – Oh no! – So we ask (beep) Goldenrod to check out the trash can, maybe it’s in his office, whatever was in there. – Yeah, let’s go. – I’m gonna go, we need to
put this in the library. – You can walk on the
library on your way to– – Yes, right, so let’s put– – You guys get to the library. You sneak in, you still
have the darkness up. You put the book in there. You guys see that as
you put the book back, Adaine floats up in the air about a foot, and is surrounded by
moats of silvery light. – I’m not doing this. This isn’t me.
– Oh no, oh no. (Brennan singing) – And you see that an imagine of a spectral elven
woman with flowing hair looks and says, and kisses
you on the forehead, and says “Every oracle dies. “I died in a shipwreck, brutal.” – Yeah, you didn’t see it coming? – Sucks. (Brennan sighing) – I did but I thought
there was a short man. I took a swing, and it ended up a miss, you know what I mean? – I really do. – Sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. – Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. – The future, the might of prophecy and the endless strands of fate are in good hands, young one. And for real, be careful on ships, because when shit goes sideways– – They seem really dangerous–
– There’s nowhere to go, it’s just ocean.
– Right. I should just learn water breathing so that like if that happens– – You learned water breathing? – [Siobhan] Yeah. – The (beep) it, I had
it in my spell book, didn’t prepare it. – No! – Had it in (beep), on a ship! – Yeah, that seems– – Who are you? – I am the elven oracle of days past! (Brennan blowing) Moats of light. – Okay. – Well she’s definitely dead, I guess is what we’re learning here. – You guys march on over to, you guys march on over
to Goldenhoard’s office. – Can I do something weird? I have something inspiring that I wanna say to everyone, but I also don’t wanna take up too much of anyone’s time, you know, I just feel like I’m always talking. – Like five to 10 minutes. – Hey guys, there’s no
dragon bourne on here. – What? – Goldenhoard’s not on here. – [Emily] What is the consequence
of him not being on there? – [Brian] He’s not (beep) roll. – [Lou] He’s not the non-humanioid? – He’s not, no. – Or he’s not dragon bourne? – A dragon bourne is a humanoid. They’re a race of people. Goldenhoard isn’t on any of these lists. There’s no dragon bourne
that works at the school. – Oh (beep). – Goldenhoard isn’t a dragon bourne. – Really? Wait, so he’s trusted faculty. – He was so mean, I thought it was like he was mean so that
meant he was a good guy, but I don’t know, he’s not on this list. Anybody else can double (beep). There’s no dragon bourne. – Make a intelligence check for me. Raw intelligence, we’ll call
it a DC10 intelligence check. – I got an 18. – An 18. (whooshing)
(tense music) Now I’m not sure if there’s something medical going on here, that explains why you’re having this panic attack, but I do have to give you
detention none the less. Kristen, could you take Waters and Wards to Principal Aguefort’s office for me? – Sure. (Brennan whooshing)
(tense music) – Memory of your very first day at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. – Kalvaxus can’t touch the book, and he had you take the book. Oh my God. – You guys sprint to Goldenhoard’s office. It’s locked, I’m just gonna assume. – I’m just muttering an inspiring speech to help us with our hit points, but no one really has
to pay attention to me, I’m just over here like, and it’s just like, I didn’t think I would make like friends like this. It feels like a moving, almost. – I’m like what are you
saying? Try to speak up, what? – How much HP is it? – It’s like a lot of HP, which is why I’m bothering everyone. Please go on with what you were doing, I’ll just be over here for 10 minutes. – Okay that’s fine. Yes, I will, I mean– – Kick it in. – I’m assuming me and Gorgug in some cool tag team like–
– We nod at each other. – Like yeah, bam! – It’s a full like Bad Boys two, like bam! – Pod starts playing. – Yeah exactly. You guys– – Actually, before we go there, I’m also gonna play, I’m also gonna play counter charm as we’re running there. – Cool. – So that we all have advantage on being frightened or charmed in case there’s any kind of charm trap. – It’s like your family
is just your family, that’s who you were born into, but it’s like friends– – You guys bust (beep) door down. Boom. Make investigation checks. You see Goldenhoard’s office here. – And I love you you guys. – Oh I got–
– Investigate. – 11
– I got 19. – I got a 20 not nat.
– Got a six. (dice bouncing) – 14. – Two. – 19.
– 20. You guys are going through, scrounge, scrounge, scrounge, ba-ba-ba-ba-bam, pulling things apart. You go and you find a little
secret draw under the desk. You pull the draw open. (cracking) You find a scroll case, and you find a crumpled up piece of paper, as though from a waste paper bin. – Guys, I think I found our trash. (beeping) – The scroll case is the
first thing you find. So I might do the scroll case. – Great. A powerful spell scroll,
it’s magic long since used. Aged parchment and ensorcelled ink. Enchantment runes, deep divination runes, a powerful quest spell
in Arthur Aguefort’s personal lingua arcana. – So that description of what, that’s your detect magic telling you that information about the object, and then here’s the text on it. – I invoke the nine winds. I invoke the 13 sigils. I invoke the 69 glyphs of binding. Kalvaxus, in defeat your opponents have elected to show you mercy, that you might learn from
the error of your ways. To that end, I bind you. You will repay the land you have wronged by serving to restore it’s future, thus shall your task be to steward all the generations of
Solace’s heroes yet to come. I lay this quest upon you that you will remain by my side as long as I live. – He is bound to the school then. – You shall relinquish your mighty form such that you may walk among the two legged folk as one of us. You shall be parted from your treasure, never to hold wealth
again, and you shall never kill another Celision as
long as this binding stands. Oh and one more thing,
you have to make sure that I have always tea on hand. Mix it up to, I get bored. Oh, mix it up too, I get, sorry there’s a, he’s not very good at
spelling Arthur Aguefort. Mix it up too, I get bored if I always drink the same type of tea. Surprise me, I’ll drink
anything you give me, literally. I’m not picky. Karam kajam, I bind you. – So he is, so Kalvaxus is Goldenhoard. – Yeah. – Also, Arthur Aguefort is
terrible at punishing people. – Really bad. – But also why would–
– All of his choices are so spicy. – Why would he kill himself?
– Everything’s so spicy– – To be fair, I don’t think I would want to be a teacher for all eternity. – It’s a bad punishment, but built in is that he had to be
alive, which is bad again. – But he killed himself knowing that he was leaving Kalvaxus. – I don’t, I think he’s like, you know, sort of a wild card. – Well the second thing is a prophecy. A prophecy is dictated by the oracle Alamanthandrial, to the paramore, to their paramore the
wizard Arthur Aguefort, mere moments after the
binding of Kalvaxus. When Kalvaxus once again beholds his glittering treasure, and seven maidens once more are chained
at the mouth of lair, all befalls the realm and a king and queen are crowned new in Solace,
then will the emperor of the Red Waste be released from bondage, his destruction will know no bounds. The sun shall fall from the heavens, and the world as we know
it shall perish forever. That’s bad. – The emperor is Kalvaxus? – Yep.
– Yes. – No, so Goldenrod is
Kalvaxus bound, and then– – Oh the Emperor of the
Red Waste served Kalvaxus. – No the Emperor of the
Red Waste is Kalvaxus. – Oh it is Kalvaxus. – Okay. – So Goldenrod is a bound Kalvaxus, and this prophecy is saying that if a king and queen, AKA a
prom king and queen a crowned. (beeping) Convergence–
– Death of seven maidens. – At the mouth. – There are definitely gonna
be seven virgins at prom. – How many virgins do we know
that they have right now? – Seven, they have seven. – They have seven.
– Seven exactly? – No, you’re right! – They have Zelda–
– Yeah they definitely do, because they have Zelda. – It’s Katya, Antiope, Penny. – Katya, Antiope, Sam– – Danielle, Sam, Ostentatia, Zelda. – Just making sure one of us wasn’t part of the plan, so we knew that ahead of time going in. – [Ally] Okay. – Because that would be a (beep). – Well I mean none of us are (beep). – Yeah, we all do it, we do it. – All the time. – We gotta– – (beep) 11 head points for
my amazingly inspiring speech. – Where is his lair? Can I cast locate creature? – Welcome. – Oh never mind. (beeping) – To your final day at the
Aguefort Adventuring Academy. – Who told you that, an oracle? (Brennan laughing) – You see the PA system
is blaring in the school. “You know, the funny thing
about adventuring parties “that I never understood
was how so many people “could operate under the
delusion that we have “loyalty to each other. “My kind has always understood “that you are born alone, and die alone.” Your phones start pinging left and right. (beeping) “You see, when push
comes to shove, I imagine “you will make the selfish choice.” You guys see videos of fires being set to the Faeth home, the Thistlespring Tree, the Abernant home, Seacaster Manor, the Applebee’s residence, and
Strongtower Luxury Apartments. – Between our houses and the world, you expect to choose our houses? – Perhaps then your parents will be glad in their deaths knowing
that you doomed them. – I break from the party and run. – Yeah, I’m gonna run to the Faeth house, because isn’t that where my mom is? – I call for the hangman
to meet me at the school. – Actually maybe I’ll just. (Brennan blowing raspberries) Yeah I’m gonna run to the Faeth house. I’m just gonna say “Look,
we’ll meet back up, “it’s gonna be a (beep) prom. “I’ll see you at prom.” – How long, I mean how long do we have? – It’s about 45 minutes ’til prom. – But it’s gonna be a
while before they can crown king and queen.
– I kind of wanna check out the IT– – Let’s burn down the gym and go. (everyone laughing) – [Emily] Oh that’s a good idea. – You guys, you get a call on your phone. You hear screaming and you hear, “Bud, are you nearby? “There’s something going at the house!” – I tear off. (Zac laughing) I’m coming! – All right, I guess we all
go to our separate houses. – No, I’m gonna check out, where did all the palimpsest go again? – Yeah, I’ll go with you to the AV room. I text my mom on the way, “So you should probably leave”. (Brennan laughing) – I’m gonna go, yeah I
guess I go to Strongtower. – Rad. Home, home, home, home. You guys go to the AV room. – Cool. Girl power. – Girl power. – I’m gonna need you guys to make an investigation check when
you get to the AV room. – Great. (dice bouncing) – 11. – Investigation, I got a 25. – Jesus Christ! – [Ally] Hell yeah. – You bust into the AV room. You sit down, all this (beep) that (beep) and all those guys were like, “There’s actually a lot going on.” Yeah, you’re in immediately, effortless. (Siobhan whooshing) First of all, you find a
bunch of deleted stuff. Apparently someone,
maybe someone that didn’t know crystals too well
went and deleted the stuff, and didn’t fully delete it. It’s like sitting in
a trash can somewhere. – Old people. (Brennan laughing) – You see, first of
all, you catch something of Goldenhoard at his
desk a couple of weeks ago writing something on a
legal pad that you see here. – So much reading today. – Yeah.
– I know. – “Dear Mr Fallowglade. “If you would be so kind,
a student’s rat familiar “has gone missing somewhere in Elmville. “If you wouldn’t mind summoning a few owls “and cats to help track it down, “it’s swift recovery is
of the utmost importance.” I hate this guy so much. – Yeah, but we should text Riz and let him know that the
rat is really important. – Yeah. – Can we do that? – Sure. – I mean we just ping Riz.
– You have Edgar? – Yep, I got Edgar with me. Text “Wasn’t planning on letting him die, “but not I’ll be extra careful”. – Yeah, don’t let anyone
take him from you. – You see a couple other things. The two other huge things you see on crystal recordings is the supposedly deleted the night that the seven, weeks ago when you was
right at the arcade, the seven missing girls all appearing in their bodies again with
pre-set chains around them. And you see video of them at night being taken out to the loading dock, back where the kitchens in school, and loaded into an airport shuttle. – Airport shuttle? God (beep). – You see as well. – Oh that one bus, right? – They’re probably at the emperor. They’re probably at the Red Waste, or wherever the prophecy said. – I mean it’s– – It didn’t say the location’s specific. – Yeah, once you behold
his glittering treasure and they’re chained at
the mouth of his lair, wherever the (beep) that is. – That’s gotta be in the Red Waste, right? If they’re going to an airport shuttle. Probably flew ’em to the Red Waste. (beeping) – Adaine, you notice
something interesting. There are a handful of
feeds in the AV room, streams from cameras. In no way does it even close to approach the number of cameras you
have seen at the school. – That’s weird, where are
all the other cameras? There’s like a camera
on every hallway, right? – Yeah, which wouldn’t be this many. – You see Porter Cliffbreaker, the Earthchinozi Barbarian,
striding towards the AV room. As he approaches say, “Now, not supposed “to be students wandering around “in the school after.” (whooshing) And his entire body is sucked
into one of the cameras. – Oh my God. I text to Fig, “Also, I don’t
think Porter is a bad guy.” – No, I’m pretty sure he’s bad guy. (everyone laughing) Make sure you get him, and don’t worry, I’m gonna be on him all tonight. – I don’t have to get him,
he’s already in a palimpsest. – You see teachers all
over the school grounds getting sucked into what
are disguised as cameras, but are actually crystal palimpsests. – God, it’s so sneaky.
– Whoa! – We’re going to move right along, gang. – Crap, I wanna stake
out the gym a little bit, I don’t know, are you good at stealth? – Yeah, what do you guys
do after the AV room? – We’re both (beep) terrible with stealth, I have a negative three. – You have invisibility, right? – Yeah, but it only lasts for a minute. – Get near the thing and then– – Is there an upper level of the gym? – Kristen, you get a call by the way after a minute or two
of being in the AV room from your mother. – Okay yeah. – You see she goes,
“Kristen, there’s people “here at the house, do you
know anything about this?” – Oh no, mom, are you guys okay? What are they saying? – They’re attacking! They’re burning the house down! – [Ally] Oh no. – Clang, clang, clang, clang, clang. – Try to get out and– – Try to get out? – I don’t know, pray! – You hear the voice of Bricker, your little brother say, “Help me!” – (beep), I have to go. You just be, go invisible
and check out the gym. – It only lasts for a minute, and then I can’t use it again.
– Okay, I’m calling an Uber. You use the minute, go look at as much (beep) as you can, jump in the Uber with
me, come to my house. – Okay. – Look, Redolpho will
be here in two minutes in a Honda Civic. (everyone laughing) – [Brennan] All right guys. – Use one of those minutes, go! – Do you rush over to the gym? – Yeah, I would like to poke my head in the gym as an invisible person. – It looks beautiful,
nice purple decorations. The theme is a night to remember with a K, a knight to remember. – [Brian] Oh okay, that’s really lame. – Are there crowns in there? Can I see the crowns? – Yeah, I was gonna say, steal the crowns. – Make an investigate check. – 23. – Crowns are not in here. (beeping) – Okay. (whooshing) – Invisibility fades. – Hop in! I’m so sorry, she was gonna be right here. – I’m so sorry. – Its okay, its okay, because you’re not doing a share, so it’s just, you know, it’s just, you know, the more time– – Can we go? – Just always hate to like make you wait. – Yeah, we gotta go.
– It’s fine with me. – Oh yeah, my whole family’s on fire. – Oh, they’re being attacked and killed? (tires screeching) You see that his car begins
to fly through the air. Woo! – You’re a dolfo, man, this is great! – Hell yeah! I actually am waiting to sign up for plus, because I should be able to do– – You should! – Because the car’s nice enough that it doesn’t make sense–
– This is gorgeous. – That I’m, yeah.
– This is great. – For sure. Do you need help fighting? – Yeah.
– Yeah. – Would you mind giving me five stars? – Oh my God totally.
– Yeah! I’m gonna give you a little gem, they have that now. – Really?
– I can give you a gem, and then I say “Great car, cool tunes”. – Awesome, love it. You see that you guys fly through the air. I’m going to explain
what’s going to happen now. – [Siobhan] Oh shit. – You’re all rushing towards your homes as they come under attack. You rush forward on the hangman, Fabian, you head to the Faeth home. You’re all sprinting as fast as you can. These battles are going to occur, but we’re not going to run them like traditional battles,
because you’re all off on your own separately,
and not all together. So what’s gonna happen is this, I have the box of doom here with me. I’m going to roll it over here. On a one through six, something
truly terrible happens. On a seven through a 14,
something bad happens. On a 15 through a 20, things are okay. If you elect to go fight
to help your family, to go fight and try to save them, you will give up half of
your current hit points. You will give up 14 spell levels, right? And you will, and if you do that, I will make the roll with advantage. (tense music) – 14 spell levels, what
do you mean by that? – So in other words, a
first level spell slot is one, a second level spell
slot, it counts for two. A third level spell counts for three, and you need to get up to 14. – I don’t even know if I have that. – [Emily] Yeah, I know. – I wasn’t planning to fight, I was gonna try to hide, sneak in. I wanted to get Sklonda and Gilear in my bag of holding, and then
teleport out with my sword. – I can dig it. The challenges that
await for you narratively are represented by this roll of the dice. – Got it, okay. – So. – So we’re all gonna help, right? – I need to do some kind
of insight check first. – Okay. – Because I’m undecided on my mom, because at first I felt like, oh maybe she’s a good person, but now I feel like maybe she
was part of this ruby plot. – Go ahead and give me an insight check. (dice bouncing) – 14. (gentle music) – Your mom has never
lived up to the standard you put on her of making
your life good and perfect. She never was able to protect you from all the harm and
suffering in the world, and maybe that’s not fair. And she’s probably just a person, and those photos make it look like– – She’s a complex person,
she’s allowed to be. – Yep. – Yeah. – Yeah, we’re all doing it? – Since I’m with Kristen, can we take half of that each? – A quarter each, just to help my family and let her family burn? (Brennan laughing) – I’ve (beep). They’re probably not even there, our families are at war. They’re probably not even there. – I will say, you have to give half to get the advantage on the roll. You don’t have to give half, but if you want to, I’ll roll 3D20, and do advantage that way. – Yeah, I’m doing it, for sure. – [Emily] I mean I have to do it, I don’t know how I don’t do it. – Yeah. – Okay. Well I would like to use
my 18 divination roll on Kristen’s family, so we
don’t have to deal with it. – Dope. – Cool, awesome. – Cool. – [Siobhan] Yeah. – And you’re not rolling
for your family, correct? (beeping) – Oh my God.
– Cool. You don’t get a– – They didn’t call me, they
didn’t come and visit me in prison, they didn’t have–
– Your mom was kind of– – They started a war to get my sister out and didn’t come to see me even. – I’m gonna give up half
of mine for her family. – No, don’t do that!
– Okay, go for it. (Brennan laughing) – (beep) my family. – Just your mom was nice. – All right guys. I’m going to start making some rolls. Here we go. (tense music) (dice bouncing) – God. (Lou laughing) This is the worst thing
I’ve ever been a part of. This moment right now, having to listen to these dice rattle around in that box. – It’s almost better than watching it. – Rattle rattle, type
type type, rattle rattle. – But he’s, ugh! This is like one of those things where they like slow-mo
and they the judges gamble, like hitting it, and like that. (Lou sighing) (tense music) – I was wondering why my mom came to visit me and humanized herself, and this is exactly why. – So that you would feel
this pain right now. – Yes. Because otherwise I probably
would have let her go. This is devastating. – What if my family die? What if my (beep) family dies? – Your dad is–
– Your dad’s the (beep) bad guy. – He’s still my (beep) dad, okay? – Okay. I will now describe what happens. (Lou laughing) – This is horrifying. – This is so bad. – It couldn’t have been any other way. – I feel like it could
have been something else. – Could have been. I wish for a magical ice cream to happen right at this moment. – That’s what’s going to happen, we all find out our parents died, and then ice cream appears in our hand. – You guys rush all over
town as fast as you can. Fig. You arrive at the Faeth home. You see that there are lizard folk, orcs, trogladites, hobgoblins, all wearing armor and red sashes, all with the emblem of the
Emperor of the Red Wastes here. They have all journeyed–
– Dang, they’re already organized with costumes. It’s bad. – You slash and fight
your way through them. You (beep) wreck house, you hit some power chords, cast spells. You get into the home to find Sandralynn lying on the ground, blood coming from her head. Her griffin is outside helping you fight, and she is unconscious. – Well I’ll heal her. (Brennan gasping) (Brennan coughing) (Brennan whooshing)
(splatting) – She hits two more of
these enemy combatants out on the lawn, stands up. Fig. – Mom?
– Are you okay, are you okay? – Much more importantly, are you okay? I’m looking in way better shape than you. – You’re looking great, how’re you doing? – Thank you, thank you for noticing. No I’m good, but well I was until I found out that you’re, look, I’m really sorry that I
prioritized my dad over you. You’re allowed to be a complex person. (gentle music) – She sweeps you up in a hug, kisses you. You see she says, “I love you so much. “You’re a good daughter. “Everything you’re doing
now is something I get, “I was just like you.” – Sorry, I thought you were gonna die. (Lou yelling) (Zac laughing)
(Ally screaming) – You see she looks and says, “Okay, we’re gonna be okay, all right? “We’re gonna be okay. “Do you, is this about the missing girls? “Is this about them somehow?” – Yeah.
– What’s going on with them? – I think that they are part of bringing the Red Emperor Kalvaxus back. – Okay, that’s in the
ranger’s handbook somewhere. I can look that up. – Yes, I believe that seven maidens, they’re all virgins, I believe that they’ve all been transported somewhere. That’s part of a prophecy about how to bring ’em back. – Where, do you know exactly where? – His lair, I don’t know if that means the Red Waste, or if he has some sort of like portable lair, but he
needs his riches to be around– – You see she says, “Airport, okay. “It could be the Red Waste,
there’s a closer place. “There’s a place that
you can’t get to walking, “it’s up in the mountains. “Are your friends in trouble too?” – Yeah. – “Go with your friends.” So
she kisses you on the cheek, she says “I’m gonna go find those girls.” She grabs her bow, swan
dives through the window, lands on her griffin’s back,
and takes off into the sky. She says, “If they are
where I think they are, “I’ll be back in as close to
an hour “and a half as I can. “You got ’em sweetheart.” – Come back to the prom. – The prom?
– Wear a dress, or a tux, I’ll wear a tux. – Are you wearing that? – No, no, no, I have a little
blazer and maybe a tie. – You look so cute in that tie, sweetie. – Thank you! – All right, let’s do this. (Brennan whooshing) Takes off. (Lou and Ally screaming) – This is gonna be a nightmare. That was number one! (everyone laughing) – God (beep). That was the most
beautiful thing I’ve ever, (Emily laughing) I had to create mental
images for in my own head. – Riz. (tense music) (Brian laughing) You see Strongtower Luxury
Apartment up in flames. You sneak your way in as fast as you can, sneak attack who you can. (Brennan whooshing) They’re done. You know this building
so well at this point. You dip all the way up
into your apartment, where you see the apartment
is completely burnt. (flames cracking) (Brennan blowing) Fire everywhere. You fought your way up through here. You get up as far as you can, you see there are charred
bodies here in the room. – Oh no. – Go ahead and make an investigate check. (dice bouncing) – 27. – As you step, you hear a familiar sounding arcubus cock in the secret room, the spy room of your apartment. – Mom? (Brennan blowing) – Oh! – Sweetie, she comes out, kisses you. So she says, “You’re
banged up, are you okay?” – Yeah. – You see that walking
out of the apartment with her, you see. (everyone laughing) You see just– – This sucks. – Just straight up holding the leg of a chair is Gilear going. – Oh thank God! – I was honestly more
worried about you, Gilear. I figured mom would be okay. – You see that he says, “I hit someone “across the head with this. “I have never struck another
being in anger before. “I didn’t fully relieve myself, “but a little came out.” – That’s okay Gilear, you
did a really good job. – I’m so sad and scared. – Invite him to prom! – Do you wanna come to prom, Gilear? – No, I want nothing more than to hide in a deep hole, eat my turkey crackers, have a big tub of yogurt and simply never show my face again. You see your mom says,
you see your mom says, “Sweet, what the (beep) is going on?” – Okay, so Kalvaxus is coming back. He has seven maidens. Apparently the dragon horn, or Goldenhorn, the vice principal at the school who became the principal
is apparently Kalvaxus, and at prom tonight when they make a new prom king and prom queen, they’ll sacrifice the girls and
the prophecy, he’ll be free. – She goes, “Okay (beep),
what do you need me to do?” – Well you can’t get up to the mountains to help the people, so do you wanna go to prom with me, mom? – Kiddo, I was so afraid you’d ask. (everyone laughing) – I honestly, you know. – You see that she grabs a thing, she says, “Calling all
cars, calling all cars. “We’re gonna need all squad, all squad “on the gymnasium at Arthur Aguefort “Adventuring Academy, pronto!” You hear something come
over the speaker going, “This is Agent Worrel, what exactly”. Your mom goes, “Hey, Angela,
why don’t you (beep), “this is Elmville baby!” And your mom cocks the
gun, grabs another gun– – Yo! (high fiving) – She’s like “All right,
you head there now, “I’m gonna get the cruisers ready. “I’ll meet you there.” – Right on. – You see, we’re going
to cut over now to the– – I can’t do this. – This one I can’t.
– It’s so cute. – [Ally] This one I cannot. – I can’t do this. (Lou laughing) – We cut over to the Thistlespring Tree, which is engulfed in flame. (tense music) You don’t hear any screaming. You don’t hear any noise, just the crackling of the fire. There are dead bodies around
the outside of the tree. – I run inside the tree. – You run past the flames. (Brennan whooshing) Scour away at your body,
injuring you terribly. You land in the middle. Wilman and Digby both look
at you and say, “Hey bud”. You see that your dad is in a little greasy undershirt with some
kind of Tesla laser cannon. Your mom has got a fleet of spinning gyros around her with little like
poison electro plasma guns. You see they say, “You wouldn’t
believe what just happened!” – No. (laughing) – You see she says, “I tell ya. “Those were some scary folks. “Those were some nasty customers, “I’ll tell you that right now.” – They’re trying to bring Kalvaxus back, it’s complicated. They’re trying to crown
a king, queen at prom. Explain everything. – You see that your parents
then go, “Okay, okay.” – We gotta go. – All right, that’s fine. – I’m glad you’re alive. – [Ally] Aw! (laughing) – “Oh bud, we’re glad you’re alive.” They kiss you on each cheek. They say, “Listen, okay, here’s the thing, “you always gotta be kind, you always “gotta try your best,
and there is no sense “in being a (beep) pushover.” (gun clicking) You understand? (everyone laughing) We might be small, and we’re real nice, we try to be kind to everybody, but if you come to the tree, you better be ready to never (beep) leave, you understand me? – Yeah. – [Brennan] You understand? – [Zac] Yeah. – Okay. Hey, this is how we do it bud. (everyone laughing) You see Wilma looks over
at a little crystal screen, and you see she goes “Ah dang. “Hon, it looks like there’s some kind of, “I don’t know, invading army coming in.” Sees this, “Yeah, the
satellite’s picking something up. “Your father and I launched a satellite, “it was a whole production, I tell ya. “You were in jail.” You see she says, she goes, she says, “I’ll tell ya what, this
looks like a big problem. “Digby and I, we’re going to head out “to the tank, and we’ll take that out “to the sign of invading forces.” – How long have we had a tank? I thought that was– – What’s that? – I just assumed that was something else. – Well we just use it to mow the lawn, but yeah, it’s a tank. – Oh, okay. Yeah, use the tank. – So we’re going to go take care of that invading army, do you wanna go help you pals with this prom thing? I’d hate for you to miss prom on your first year, bud. – That sounds good. Do you have any like bombs I could have? – You want some bombs? – [Zac] Yeah. – Sure, go over to the bomb chest. Help yourself, knock yourself out. – Okay, I’ll see you later. – All right buddy. (Brennan kissing) And just remember your song, okay? – Oh wait. (everyone laughing) – You see that they
both head out to attend, you see that your mom and dad just go, “Rock, paper, scissors, two. “Rock, paper, scissors. “All right, I’ll drive,
you can get in the gunner.” – Oh my God. – You see that your mom hops up into the gunner, lights a little cigar. (Brennan whooshing)
(engine rumbling) (everyone laughing) And this tank heads off. “Bye kiddo, (beep) prom, bud.” – All right. – Yes this is too much. – I can’t, I can’t take all this. – [Siobhan] Jesus. (Zac laughing) – These are the sweetest, nicest most beautiful moments ever. – [Ally] Yeah. – [Brennan] We cut over
to the Applebees’ home. – [Ally] All right. – I gave an 18, you rush in. Your mom and dad have taken out a ton of the attackers. They have their helper. (Brennan groaning) (beeping) (slicing) You rush in, one of your
brothers is unconscious, another brother is like bleeding out. You cast your healing spells. After the slaughter concludes, you, you know, have healed your siblings. Your father looks at you and says, (Brennan panting) “You think these guys
were illegals, what?” (everyone laughing) – Oh my God. – Jesus. Should have let him die.
– Dad, I think they, I think you need work. Hey, I’m gonna go help my friend check on her house. I wish you guys the best of luck, and I’m gonna take the car. – What do you mean you’re
gonna take the car? – Bye!
– We’re gonna take the car. – You see, you get in
the car, (beep) peal out. – I’m so glad other people’s parents suck. – Yeah, I’m so glad I have another friend who’s parents suck. – Right? – Like just categorically suck. – Just categorically
suck, no questions asked. – Hey, are you worried about your parents? I’m really just worried about your mom. – Honestly, I don’t even know if they’re in the country anymore. – Yeah, we’ll see. – I mean I guess we can check. – You guys swing past the Abernant home. It has burned to the ground, it is gone. A quick detect magic from you shows that a powerful teleport
spell was cast here. – (beep) cowards. (Lou laughing) (tense music) – Fabian. You tear on the hangman as
fast as it will carry you. It holds a little palimpsest
on the handlebars. You see it says, “Master, your father, “William Seacaster
caught me spying on him. “He asked me to give this to you.” – Oh. (Lou blabbering) What, why? – It’s a message from him to you. – Can I play the message? – As you are (beep), (Brennan whirring) down on Elmville Streets,
a little blip appears. You see your father, legs wide kind of sitting, pitched forward, saber at his side, tricorner. You see he says, “Well,
hopefully this motorcycle “of yours will be able to get him “this message while you’re in the brig. “You’re not much of a grappler, “but damn that left hook,
that’s the money there, boy. “Aye, some of those were original teeth. “Boyo, I’ll tell you this true. (gentle piano music) “When you were pummeling
me into unconsciousness, “a thing no man has ever
done and lived to tell, “I had some time to
think, as your powerful “fists were raining down on my head, “on the eye patch side,
which is a low blow, “and I’ll credit you that. “You’re a fearsome warrior,
remarkable athlete. “You’re nothing like me, “and that’s the most
wonderful thing I can imagine. “I never had any choice
but to be fearsome, “because there was nothing
in my heart worth admiring. “I was a mad man and a lay about, “and I took from the
world anything I could. “You’re different, I see the way “your friends look at you. “You don’t command their fear, “you command their respect. “That’s a feet I could
never have pulled off, “not at your age. “You’re nothing like me, and when you were “kicking the ever loving shit out of me, “I realize, that’s my deepest wish, “and it’s the thing I most
wanted when we came here. “You’ve done me proud, boy.” Message ends, you arrive at
Seacaster Manor in flames. You rush in. Not only these Red Wastes soldiers, but humans with scarecrow
masks on, Harvest Men. You rush through. (swords clattering) You get into the chamber here. You hear screams down near your mother’s sensory deprivation egg,
and up on the balustrade of the captain’s quarters. – The sensory deprivation egg. – Making a choice between
your mother and father, you rush towards sensory deprivation egg. You arrive there to see
your mother’s egg sealed, and you can see through
the crystal silhouette of your mother drinking
wine, and Cathilda, a whirling frenzy of blades tearing into the soldiers here. “Right, Master Fabian. (Brennan vocalizing) “Could you lend a hand?” – Of course Cathilda. – You lend a hand, you
defend your mother’s egg. The egg opens, “What is all the hubbub? “I’m trying to relax.” – I slap the wine out of my mother’s hand. (Emily laughing) “Get it together”, and I run
off to where my father was. – You see your mother like starts crying. “I don’t have”– – “Mama, I’m so sorry
but you have to (beep) “pull yourself together. “You have to be some kind
of person, all right? “You can’t just be a thing
that lies around my house.” And then I tear off. (tense music) – She stumbles over to this like whip thin elven sword on the wall,
and before she gets there, you’re out of the room. (fire crackling) You hear the shouts before
you get to the room, and as you’re almost
there, a figure steps out of the quarters, the captains quarters. Harvest Man mask wearing a tux. You go back and forth. (Brennan vocalizing) And this person (beep)
kicks you in the chest up against the wall. A flaming beam drops on your chest, brings you to the ground. And this person slashes
a decapitating blow. You twist your head as far as you can, the tip catches here, slices through bone and flesh and pulls your (beep) eye right out of your head. (Lou laughing) (Brennan grumbling) Blood down the side of your face. Thinking you dead, the harvest
men in the tux moves away, and you see your sword flashes up on the way out, and tries
to kill this assailant. Pierces all the way through
that assailant’s left hand. (Brennan groaning) Looks back at you. Boom, another collapse in between you. This figure darts away. You hear noise of battle
from the next room. I’m gonna need you to make
an athletics check, DC25. – [Siobhan] Jesus (beep). – With– – No advantage. (dice bouncing) – Athletics? – [Brennan] Yeah. – 22. – Go ahead and make it again. (dice bouncing) – Nat one. – Beam sinks deeper.
– Aren’t you lucky? – I am lucky, I’d like to roll again. – Yeah, go for it.
– Thank you. (dice bouncing) 21. – You end up squirming your way out after the sounds of battle have stopped in the next room. You take an additional
five points of damage. (whirring) In the next room, the
blood is coursing down your face from your injury. You step into the next room. The place is littered with bodies. People have been shot
directly in the (beep). People have been hoisted up by ropes, like chandler ropes, double noose, hoisted up together. Tons of people have had
their belts slashed, so their pants go round their ankle, and then been kicked in the nuts and shot in the top of the head. A carnival of violence
has occurred in this room. You see easily, on the balustrade and in the chambers, and
on the gardens outside, having been kicked or thrown
off, maybe 60 dead men. And your father has taken a manacle and sometime in the
battle manacled himself to the top of a bedpost
so he could stay standing and keep fighting. Blood is oozing out of him. He is making death saving throws, and looks up at you, saber in his hand. (Brennan panting) “There he is, my darling boy”. – Papa. I, fantastic work. (everyone laughing) – Oh you like my craftsman ship, do ya? – Lot of shots to the asshole. (everyone laughing) – You give ’em one in the brown eye, and they’ll never forget ya. – Papa. – Do you mind taking me
down off the post, boy? – Of course. – You see, you take him, put him down, he says “I heard you go for your mama. “That’s a good boy. “I would have slit your throat
to stomach if you hadn’t.” – That’s what I thought. Papa– – You’re so much better looking than I am, I’m so glad that I married your mother. – Stop it papa, papa I
haven’t had sex with anyone. You’ve had sex with everyone. (everyone laughing) – You see he looks at him and says, “I had sex with a lot of people. “It was always great.” – I’m sure you were fantastic. – I was good at it. – Of course. – Everybody came. – That’s too much, that’s a step too far. (Brennan sighing) (Brennan laughing) – The bank, they done this, didn’t they? – You were working with them? – “They lost their palimpsest supplier, “and they needed another one. “Seemed like a fun job. “Get back into the
criminal way, that sort, “all the fun you were
having, I didn’t want “my golden days to be behind me.” Big clot of blood comes up into his beard. (gentle music) “Help me out to the balcony, boy.” He comes out and says,
“You write your name “on the face of the world
with your heroic deeds. “I thought you were just going to be me, “a way for me to live forever, “but it’s better than that. “The story’s going to get
better with each new one.” – Much better. – “Your face there boy.” He takes his eye patch
off, hands it to you. – I take it and then drive
my sword deep into his heart. – That’s the way to do it, boy! (Brennan groaning) Now you get out of here,
because this is a new coat and it explodes when I die. (everyone laughing) – Oh papa, I thought it might. I’d like to jump off the balcony. – He throws, flips his
magical saber into the air. You leap. “I shall leap into hell and
kill the devil himself!” (explosion) You are silhouetted by the explosion, catch the sword of your father. – Can I call the hangman to be in the area of where I’ve landed? – Boom, team wolf, and
you are out of there. – Oh my God. He could have survived! – He wouldn’t have wanted to. Oh and I’d also like to smash any evidence that my father ever had any sort of soft emotional feelings for me as his son. – You shatter the palimpsest, and with that the legend of Bill Seacaster is preserved forever. Bloody streak across your face. Eye patch covering it. The sword of the
Seacaster’s this beautifully basket hilt wrapped,
gilded sword at your side. You roar on the hangman across town, as Gorgug, Fig, Adaine, Kristen and Riz all rush to the prom. Coming across the grounds, you hear music of a live band, festive merry making. Gorgug. With the school in your sight, you see a little message shows up on your crystal. The message is a couple of days old. It got forwarded to you from your folks who are now in the tank elsewhere, saying, “This got sent to
your old email account, “but we thought you might like it.” From many weeks ago, you see a little link from Zelda saying “I
was thinking about you “and I made you a playlist. “Hope you like it.” (Lou and Ally groaning) – So much metal. – Is that? – Zelda’s playlist. – Aww! – On that 20, you knock
your opponents prone while you’re listening to the playlist. – Hell yeah. I put on my headphones. – There’s so many good
kinds of metal here, dude. – You guys rush the front
doors of the gymnasium. You burst through. An orcish band is playing up on the stage. As the doors swing, you hear, “Presenting your prom king and queens, “Penelope Everpetal and Dayne Blade!” Students turn to look as you enter. The crowns are poised in the hands of the orcish band members, and Vice Principal Goldenhoard as the soul chaperone
turns to look at you. I’m gonna need everybody
here to roll for initiative. (dice bouncing)
(dramatic music) – Penetrate. (Lou laughing) – I got a 20. – You got a nat 20? – Oh sorry, I got a nat 20. – Jesus! – I got an 18.
– Oh I got a 20 as well. I should have the advantage. – And guys, that is it for
this week on Fantasy High. – No! – It’s prom, baby. See you next week! (dramatic music) (Brennan laughing) – Dice. Guys, that’s all for this chapter of Dimension 20, but
wait, more full episodes call out to you from the
realms beyond Will you come to their aid and sign up for your free trial today? – I have four bombs. (Emily laughing) Can I just pull the pin on all of ’em? (Brennan laughing) And run? – Right here on the stage?
– Yeah.

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