Dragonball Evolution – Nostalgia Critic


Kyle Hebert: Last time on Nostalgia Critic Z… Critic was confronting the worst anime adaptation of all time. No, the other one. There ya go. NC: So, shitty movie, you think you can piss off a legion of fans with your misunderstanding of source material? Your silence only enables your guiltiness! Now I will show you the meaning of pain! ???: You can’t fight this evil alone! Kyle Hebert: MasakoX from TeamFourStar joins Nostalgia Critic’s fight. NC: MasakoX from TeamFourStar! You’ve come to join my fight? Kyle Hebert: I totally just said that. MasakoX: You need a true Dragon Ball fan to understand this outrage! NC: What do you know about Dragon Ball that I don’t? MasakoX: Plenty, like how we cut to the extreme wide shots to save on lip animation, and your anger over this will be represented by zoom-out, combined with grunting and clenching your teeth with your eye twitching. NC: Grunt! Grunt! MasakoX: Now I will fight you by doing the same move repeatedly and you doing the same dodge repeatedly! ???: You fools are missing the real enemy! Kyle Hebert: LittleKuriboh comes to talk sense into the feuding heroes. MasakoX: So, LittleKuriboh, you’ve come to talk sense to us, the feuding heroes? Kyle Hebert: Am I just not here, or- NC: Get out of here, Yu-Gi-Blow! You’re not even from the right anime! LittleKuriboh: Maybe, but I’m smart enough to know that while you two were bitching like pansies, your opponent is building his power! NC: My God, he’s going Stupid Saiyan! MasakoX: It’s OK, this usually lasts 10 minutes. There’s surprisingly little fighting in the show. It’s mostly us screaming while rocks rise up. LittleKuriboh: But he’s using his Stupid Saiyan power to make stupid people say his movie is good! MasakoX: What? NC: IMPOSSIBLE! LittleKuriboh: Just check out its critical score! IT’S OVER 9%! NC: What? 9%? There’s no way that can be right, CAN IT? LittleKuriboh: People who don’t know the show are being duped into thinking it’s good! MasakoX: We can’t let it get away with that! LittleKuriboh: Agreed! Let dueling sides join forces just this once! MasakoX: And by once, we mean probably many times! NC: ATTACK! NC: ATTACK!
MasakoX: AAAHHH! NC: ATTACK!
MasakoX: AAAHHH!
LittleKuriboh: AAAHHH! NC: In a long line of botched live action anime adaptations, Dragonball Evolution is arguably the most infamous. For years, I’ve gotten fan requests to talk about this cinematic ballbuster, but sadly, even though I’m a fan of some anime shows and films, Dragon Ball is not one I know a great deal about. MasakoX and LittleKuriboh: That’s where we come in! MasakoX: MasakoX from Dragon Ball Z: Abridged… LittleKuriboh: And LittleKuriboh from Yu-Gi-Oh!: Abridged. NC: That’s right, a Japanese anime dubbed by Americans now analyzed by two Brits. LittleKuriboh: It makes as much sense as anything else in this movie. MaskaoX: The Dragon Ball franchise is one of the most popular animes ever made. Taking place in a parallel dimension, it follows the adventures of Goku and his friends defending Earth against intergalactic aliens, androids, and other various evils who really like to yell. LittleKuriboh: With spinoffs including Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Z Kai, Dragon Ball GT, and Dragon Ball Super, there’s over 700 episodes of this franchise and it’s still going. So naturally, it made sense for Hollywood to try and capitalize on it and make a movie for Americans. How did it go? NC: Did Ghost in the Shell do bad? LittleKuriboh: Yes. NC: Then this did really bad. MasakoX: Fans of the show and newcomers hated this adaptation, claiming it not only missed what Dragon Ball is about, but dumbed it down so much that no average moviegoer would be able to enjoy it. LittleKuriboh: It’s said by many to be the worst anime adaptation of all time. Don’t believe me? How many people thought the low-budget sketch that we just did was more faithful? NC: That sounds about right. MasakoX: So let’s not put it off any longer. NC: Let’s take a look at this Dragon Ball suck with Dragonball Evolution. MasakoX: I hope you’re ready for an intro that’s frontloaded as shit. NC: I think I am. MasakoX: No, you’re not. Gohan: A warlord named Piccolo came from beyond the stars. A group of brave warriors created the Ma Fu Ba, a powerful enchantment that- NC: Wow, I’m both lost and bored. MasakoX and LittleKuriboh: Get used to that. Gohan: Aided by his disciple Oozaru, the evil pair brought the human race to the brink of annihilation. NC: OK, shot in the dark. A great evil tried to take over, is defeated, and now he’s trying to come back. MasakoX: Wow, it’s almost like you’ve seen a movie at some point in your life. NC: Enough to know when to fast-forward. [Who gives a shit?!] We see our main character played by Justin Chatwin named… Goku? Um… I don’t know a ton about the anime, but that really doesn’t look like a Goku. LittleKuriboh: Well, as a white man, I’m offended! NC: You are? LittleKuriboh: Yes, stereotyping like that! MasakoX: I, for one, embrace culturally diverse names that in no way raise any questions or seem distracting. NC: Wow, I really didn’t think this was the angle you guys would lean. LittleKuriboh: Of course! John Shaft would be so much better if he was called… MasakoX: James Bond would be more culturally sensitive if he was named… LittleKuriboh: And Ariel from The Little Mermaid would be lightyears ahead of her time if she was called… NC: Oh, I see what you’re saying. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. MasakoX: But, if you name that rose… LittleKuriboh: You might wanna change something. NC: Goku is trying his hardest to master his epic nose sweat. MasakoX: This movie clearly understands what to shoot in slow-mo. NC: As his grandpa states what we know this adaptation took to heart. Gohan: The first rule is… there are no rules. LittleKuriboh: Well, we’ve given an excuse not to follow these. Gohan: First one to touch the ground loses. NC: That’s the second rule after the first rule of there being no rules. MasakoX: Crouching Tiger, not-so-hidden greenscreen. LittleKuriboh: And now, a brief recreation of the audience reaction to this first 2 minutes. NC: This movie does know the difference between an anime and a Donald Duck cartoon, right? Slimy, yet seething with anger-filled disappointment! MasakoX: Next, we’ll fight without the wires. Kyle Hebert: Next time on… LittleKuriboh: So in the original show, Goku was a young, naive fighter obsessed with perfecting his gift and honoring the art of combat, fighting when he needs to. Here, he’s a whiny little pissant who just wants to be cool and get laid. Goku: Everybody at school treats me like I’m nothing, Grandpa. Teach me how to get the girl. NC: To be fair, though, that is a lot of episodes of a character’s life to fit into one movie. MasakoX: Don’t worry, that’s why there is the Slumming It Fairy. NC: The what? LittleKuriboh: The Slumming It Fairy. She magically provides stock lines when you don’t want to put real work into a character. Slumming It Fairy: Yeah, what? MasakoX: Well, we don’t want to put any effort in one of Japan’s most beloved characters. LittleKuriboh: But we still want a paycheck for it. MasakoX: Can you supply us with some dated angst? Slumming It Fairy: Yeah, sure. NC: Ooh, here’s a tired classic! “I’m different.” Goku: I’m different. LittleKuriboh: Here’s one with no effort. “I wanna explode.” Goku: I wanna explode. MasakoX: And who can forget the popular “Teach me to be normal.”? Goku: Teach me to be normal. NC: Ooh, and don’t forget “What friends?” Goku: What friends? NC: We did it! We reduced someone so special to so many to someone not the least bit special in any way! Slumming It Fairy: Yeah, don’t forget, you get stock parental advice for no additional charge. NC: Ooh, she’s right! Including, “You’re special.” Gohan: You’re special. LittleKuriboh: “Normal is overrated.” Gohan: Normal is overrated. MasakoX: And “Have faith in who you are.” Gohan: Have faith in who you are. NC: Thanks, Slumming It Fairy. You took from other source material even though we have plenty of source material to already take from. Slumming It Fairy: Whatever. Can I get high on your couch? NC: Sure. Slumming It Fairy: Sick. NC: This is only gonna get worse, isn’t it? LittleKuriboh: Yes, it is. NC: Save some room on that couch. MasakoX: Goku’s grandpa gives him a present for his birthday: a Dragon Ball, which when combined with the other six will grant a perfect wish. NC: Well we know they’re never found because this film is still here. Gohan: In all the world there are only six others. Susinchu means “four stars.” LittleKuriboh: You know, something this film will never see. Goku: Thanks, Grandpa. MasakoX: So the Dragon Ball universe that seemed to magically take place in the past, present, AND future, expanding the world-building possibilities of the imagination… …is now just the future. NC: Apocalyptic? Utopian? Techno? MasakoX: Bland. NC: Oh… Again, having not seen much of the anime, I can still pick up that the movie’s environment looks practically nothing like the show’s environment. LittleKuriboh: Even the environment in the film is not very well-defined. It would take a while to even realize we were IN the future unless we were told. This could be the set to any random film, where with the show, just one image could tell you immediately you’re watching Dragon Ball! NC: Yeah, but at least the film’s bullies… Bully: Make…me pay, Geeko. NC: …are generic too. Bully: C’mon, Geeko. Show me what you got. [Bully laughter] MasakoX: Yes, you’ll realize very quickly that the facial expressions that Goku has range from “violent farting” to “trying-to-project-himself-off-the-ground farting.” NC: Don’t a lot of people do fart jokes when talking about this movie? LittleKuriboh: Didn’t you hear rule number one? There are no rules! [Fart] [Fart] [Fart] [Fart] [Fart] [Lifting himself off the ground with the power of Fart] [Fart] Kyle Hebert: Next time on… NC: Oh, um… Meanwhile on Bowser’s Airship, a villain named Piccolo is wondering why being hundreds of feet in the air gets him surprisingly little wind resistance. MasakoX: In the show, Piccolo is complex and had interesting reasons for why he wanted ultimate power. He was so interesting that even his offspring would eventually become friends with our main hero. NC: Here? MasakoX: Just a colossal twat. NC: Right. LittleKuriboh: He wants to take over the world because, you know, evil and stuff. And sends out his minions to find the Dragon Balls to achieve his goal. NC: “Do you like my assassin uniform? It makes sure you know that I have breasts.” MasakoX: Enough of that shit. We gotta cut to horny Goku. LittleKuriboh: To be fair, Goku in the show was awkwardly horny too. MasakoX: Yeah, but he’d never seen a girl before, so he didn’t know he was horny. LittleKuriboh: Does that make it better? NC: Better than this. MasakoX: I’ll agree to that. LittleKuriboh: Yeah. Teacher: What might our ancestors say about the upcoming solar eclipse? Goku: Well, my grandfather would say beware of the Nameks. Teacher: Nameks? Goku: Yeah, they’re an alien race that nearly destroyed Earth over 2000 years ago. NC: Well we have no idea how this future works, so we have no idea how crazy this is supposed to sound. Teacher: Well… Let’s hope it doesn’t happen again, hm? [Class laughter] MasakoX: “Keep it in Scientology.” NC: But it looks like Goku’s help with the lockers might have earned him some tail. Not actual tail. That’d be like the show. Chi-Chi: Hey! Goku, right? NC: Pfft, like anyone would cast me as a Goku– oh-uh-I mean, uh, yes! That’s my character. Chi-Chi: You used your ki. Goku: Wait, you know about ki? Chi-Chi: Just because my name is Chi-Chi doesn’t make me a complete idiot. Goku: Right… NC, MasakoX, and LittleKuriboh: Yeah. What? Chi-Chi: I’m having a party tonight at my house. Goku: I’ll be there. LittleKuriboh: Oh, that’s a pretty shot. Well, back to shit. Goku: Beauty… awaits. NC: Is there a Film Theory that he’s just the pain in the ass he played in War of the Worlds after the aliens invaded? MasakoX: Nobody wasted any theories on this film. Goku sneaks out of his house to go to Chi-Chi’s party where the bullies who literally have no reason to mock him mock him. Goku: I was invited. I’m not looking for any trouble. Bully: Trouble found you, freak. So listen, why don’t you turn around, walk away, and no one will even know you were here. LittleKuriboh: Yeah, you freak, with your good looks and your-your nice hair and your fancy clothes, and– What are we doing? NC: [Whispering] I dunno. Goku: I’m not doing that anymore. NC, MasakoX, and LittleKuriboh: [Singsong] The dorks are gonna rumble, tonight. NC: Thank God we all know really bad kung fu! LittleKuriboh: Especially this guy! How far away was that punch? NC: I’ve been Snydered! LittleKuriboh: Did he just slide across the car with his head? MasakoX: Ugh, come on. Even Krillin wouldn’t do that. By the way, is he even in this? LittleKuriboh: No. MasakoX: Ugh, piece of shit film… NC: Should I be angry at that? LittleKuriboh: Yeah. NC: I’m really angry! MasakoX: So the original Goku who hated fighting and only did it when he had to is now tossing one-liners like an unfunny James Bond. NC: And fart faces too. [Fart] MasakoX: Nevertheless, he defeats the bullies and gets friendly with Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi: What happened to your parents? Goku: Uh, I don’t know. But my grandpa said everything will be explained to me when I turn 18. LittleKuriboh: My grandpa’s kind of a dick. MasakoX: But he might not get his wish, as Grandpa is attacked by Piccolo who is literally dressed like a piccolo. LittleKuriboh: He destroys the house because apparently Piccolo can do that now, and Goku comes home to his dying mentor. Gohan: Find Master Roshi in Paozu… Tell him… Piccolo has returned. NC: Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a dead mentor poker game with Obi Wan Kenobi, Uncle Ben, Dumbledore, and Mickey I need to attend. And I better hurry. I hear Gandalf might drop by briefly. MasakoX: After searching the house, Goku finds, I think, a second present he was going to give him. Goku: Grandpa… [Gohan laughs] LittleKuriboh: Even his dead grandpa laughs at how stupid that looks. [Gohan laughs] NC: But he quickly discovers he’s not alone. Bulma: Where is it? I know it’s here. Goku: Are you Piccolo? MasakoX: The casting’s so bad, she could be. LittleKuriboh: Actually, this is Bulma, played by Emmy Rossum. NC: Singing? LittleKuriboh: No. NC: Good. LittleKuriboh: They originally met when Goku was a little boy, but now in this they’re the same age. It works because- wait, no it doesn’t. Bulma: If I was a Piccolo, whatever that is, I wouldn’t tell you. Somebody stole my promethium orb, and I’m here to get it back. MasakoX: You know this movie has enough whitewashing. Do we really have to dubwash too? Bulma: Ph.D. in Applied Dynamics. They’re gonna make me famous. NC: What a story, Mark. Bulma: Somebody hacked the vault, killed the guards and stole the Dragon Ball. LittleKuriboh: What is this, Spy Kids? I’ve seen toy commercials with more realistic technology. Bulma: This can detect and locate the signature wavelengths emitted by the Dragon Balls. NC: Thank God they talk about the important stuff that really matters in this film. Goku: Wait, you made a Dragon Ball energy locator? Bulma: Dragon Ball energy. DBE. Catchy name. Malcolm: Son of a bitch! Malcolm: I’ll kill you! I’l kill you, you son of a-! I’ll kill you!
NC: No no no no! It’s okay! It’s okay! Malcolm! Malcolm! It’s okay! NC: No no no no! It’s okay! It’s okay! Malcolm! Malcolm! It’s okay! NC: It’s okay. We’re gonna get through this. Alright? Give me the gun. Give me the gun. You’re okay. You’re okay. Just…back over there. You’re doing, you’re doing good. Better than last time, yeah. He’s a big fan. LittleKuriboh: They agree to join forces to find the other Dragon Balls, and they ride on her… NC: My God! The bullshit levels are through the roof! MasakoX: They go to find Roshi as his grandpa instructed and locate him in the house from Up. Kyle Hebert: Next time on… LittleKuriboh: Goku wakes up Roshi and makes the sad discovery that Chow Yun-Fat found a film worse than Pirates 3 to appear in. Bulma: Stop! NC: The CGI is atrocious! Roshi: I am Muten Roshi the Invincible! [Laughs] MasakoX: To be fair, Chow Yun-Fat, while certainly different, is not that bad a choice for this role. He’s a wisecracker, a little pervy, and energetically full of himself. But then, there’s scenes like this: Goku: My grandfather is dead. NC: It doesn’t get rid of the pain. LittleKuriboh: But it does make it hurt a little less. NC: So after Goku gives his most heartfelt, powerhouse performance… Goku: I will avenge him. But before he…he died, he asked me to find you. NC: What do you think the directing for that scene was like? MasakoX: Nonexistent. NC: Roshi gives them his Dragon Ball and says he’ll join them to find the others. Shitter was full! Roshi: I will take you to a secret place. LittleKuriboh: He takes them to a training temple that looks more like Mortal Kombat high school where, what a surprise, Chi-Chi happens to be training there. Chi-Chi: Nobody at home knows this, but I’m a fighter too. They just wouldn’t understand. NC: What does that even mean? Fighting for money? MasakoX: Fighting for justice? LittleKuriboh: Fighting for fun? NC: Nothing else in this world makes sense, so why should this mean shit? After that seemingly pointless scene… LittleKuriboh: Seemingly? NC: Entirely. They fall down a hole and get trapped by a guy named Yamcha. Bulma: Let me handle this. I’d be, uh…so grateful if you could just help me and my friends out. Yamcha: I’m gonna need some payment. Bulma: Payment? NC: Let me try. I’d be, uh, so grateful if you would just help me and my friends out. Yamcha: Just think it over, ’cause after the sun comes out it’s gonna be hot, hot, hot! Heh. Hot. MasakoX: Just because you can improvise doesn’t mean you should. LittleKuriboh: They build a fire as it gets late in the night and Roshi literally tells the same story we heard in the opening. But Bulma finds out, only now for some reason, that the Dragon Ball is buried beneath them. That’s lucky. Roshi: Enough games. Everybody: WHY DIDN’T HE DO THAT BEFORE?! Malcolm: Ass! NC: They offer to pay Yamcha if he helps them dig, which is weird because that means they could have paid him before anyway. How many hours did they waste down there? MasakoX: So digging through a hole somehow leads them to the top of a volcano… …where Piccolo sends his Putties, I mean minions, to stop them. LittleKuriboh: In doing so, though, he only provides a way for them to get to the Dragon Ball. Our evil strategist, everybody. NC: The floor is literally lava! Goku gets the Ball, but is pretty easily defeated by Piccolo’s assassin, only to have her easily defeated a second later. Look at this. He talks in the next scene like he doesn’t even notice her. Goku: There’s this demon… Roshi: Oozaru. Goku: He will kill you. NC: Oh, there’s a lady, too. She got a swing in. Just pointing her out in case she was supposed to be a powerful second-in-command, or… LittleKuriboh: So Chew the Fat, Harmony Star, Surf Ninja, and Elijah Wooden all travel to the temple of underappreciated Ghostbusters. Norris: How is my favorite skeptic? Roshi: I need another containment vessel. NC: I mean we saw what happened to the last one. MasakoX: You done? NC and LittleKuriboh: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah. MasakoX: So even though in the show the focus is on mastering energy, here it’s mastering… [Sigh] airbending. NC: They do not call it that! MasakoX: Oh, but they do. Roshi:…the most basic of all the airbending techniques. NC: Do they know the difference between animes, non-animes, and abominations of God?! LittleKuriboh: I’m honestly surprised Sailor Moon isn’t in this. Kyle Hebert: Next time on… Oh, forget it. NC: Hey Kyle, where are you going? Get back here you coward! Kyle Hebert: I’m sorry guys. You know, Dragonball Evolution is one thing, but throwing Shyamalan in there too? I still have my shame to hold on to. NC: Bastard! You’ll never “Next time on Dragon Ball Z…” again! Wave fists, wave fists! LittleKuriboh: Funny, by the way, how in the show Goku was a child prodigy, and here he can’t even light a goddamn candle. NC: Well, that’s because he’s not properly horny-vated. Chi-Chi: Every time you light a torch, you get to take one step closer to me. MasakoX: “No, I swear. That happens to all guys.” Goku: It doesn’t feel right. it feels-I must be missing something. Chi-Chi: You have to make every move your own. LittleKuriboh: You’ve stolen from like a million other films. SOMETHING has to be original! NC: He finally gets it, but Piccolo’s assassin breaks in disguised as Chi-Chi, stealing the Dragon Balls. MasakoX: Rossum has a look that says, “Wow. Howard the Duck’s effects are way more convincing right now.” Roshi: He’s alive. But barely. NC: Goku has a near-acting experience where he sees his grandpa, and…you know. “It’s not your time.” “Have faith in who you are.” Blah blah blah blah blah. Gohan: It’s not your time, Goku. Always have faith in who you are. NC: Oh, c’mon! That was just a generalization! He actually says that?! LittleKuriboh: Why not just have him say, “Plenty of fish in the sea.” MasakoX: “Remember to drink your milk.” LittleKuriboh: “Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow.” MasakoX: “#PopularPhrase” Malcolm: Asshole! [Chaos erupts] LittleKuriboh: Grandpa brings Goku back to life because he’s only half-dead, and they go to stop Piccolo after apologizing to Ernie Hudson for having him for only two minutes. Norris: Pray it is enough to contain Piccolo. Roshi: Namaste. NC: “I spent three hours in makeup for this?” MasakoX: Thankfully their car is Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, and can fly fast enough to stop Piccolo’s monologuing. Piccolo: Imagine… …being shackled so tightly… …that every atom in your body… …stood compacted. With this Dragon Ball… …I take my vengeance… …upon the Earth. MasakoX: You know, just because your underacting is way better than their overacting doesn’t mean it’s not underacting. NC: They get there at the start of the eclipse and try to stop him from taking over the world. MasakoX: Look! He even has the outfit on! It’s totally Dragon Ball now, guys! Goku: I will defeat Oozaru, and I’m here to destroy you. Piccolo: Heh. Defeat Oozaru? NC: “You can barely act!” LittleKuriboh: But in a bizarre twist, Goku, it turns out, IS Oozaru, turning into a monster. Would have been nice if someone prepared him for that. Goku: My grandpa said everything will be explained to me when I turn 18. Piccolo: Goku is a shell. This is who you are. MasakoX: The fart faces must flow! [Biggest fart yet] [Jeff Daniels from Dumb and Dumber on the toilet]
[Biggest fart yet] Oozaru!Goku: [Roars] Piccolo: Oozaru. They have a Dragon Ball. LittleKuriboh: “Don’t make my voice sound even more disinterested.” NC: Goku kills Roshi but remembers who he is and turns back. Piccolo: Impossible. Goku: Something my grandfather taught me. First rule is… NC, LittleKuriboh, and MasakoX: Always read the script? Goku: …there are no rules. LittleKuriboh: Then how is that the first rule? That’s just dumb! MasakoX: Piccolo and Goku finally face off, and for a movie adapted for a show KNOWN for its fighting, this fighting sucks some harsh balls. Bibleman had better effects! LittleKuriboh: Look at this. Most of the fighting is just Goku trying not to get his ass kicked. NC: Now that’s not true. He hit him once… Twice… Oh my God. I think that’s it. MasakoX: One of the most famous fighters in anime, and he gets two hits. NC: Well, look at it this way: [.] [..] […] LittleKuriboh: We should just live here. NC: Goku realizes he has to be both himself and Oozaru… …whatever that means. And he unleashes the ultimate power. MasakoX: That’s right. The Kamehameha. In the show, this is always the highlight. An incredible display of power blowing everyone figuratively and literally away. Here, I think he turns into a screensaver. LittleKuriboh: Oh no. He’s turned into 3D Pipes! NC: Actually, can we just watch that? They are more convincing. MasakoX: I truly believe that they’re pipes. LittleKuriboh: The eclipse wraps up, but nothing compares to the shade this movie has given to the Dragon Ball franchise. NC: But hey. Now that Goku has the Dragon Balls and has one perfect wish, what’s he gonna use it on? Goku: Dragon! The Test of Seven has been fulfilled! I compel you to come forth and grant my wish! MasakoX: Not until you say it like you give a shit! Christ! NC: *Sigh* That putrid pus looks so fake you could have Sean Connery voicing it. Goku: Give life… …to Muten Roshi. NC: Funny, he could have used that wish to grant world peace. LittleKuriboh: Or bring back his grandpa, the person who raised him. MasakoX: Oh. Maybe have the power to grant back anyone he wants whenever he wants? NC: How long was this journey? They had plenty of time to talk about this! But the Dragon Balls are gone and they have to find them again. Oh no. As if this film didn’t already repeat shit we’ve seen a million times. MasakoX: But it’s cool, because Goku reunites with Chi-Chi, who…stayed behind while everyone else fought. LittleKuriboh: Yeah. Where was her lazy ass? Chi-Chi: Aaah! Goku: [Yells] Goku: [Yells]
Chi-Chi: [Yells] MasakoX: Because that’s what Dragon Ball is all about. Goku punching Chi-Chi’s heel in midair. NC: Oh, and just when you think it’s over… LittleKuriboh: Well the pain never really stops, Critic. NC: I know. But in terms of the movie’s ending, it turns out they have a mid-credits stinger. It’s revealed that Piccolo is still alive and he’s being tended to by a woman. Okay, that should only take five seconds to reveal. Big whoop. MasakoX: Well they do apparently think that it IS a big whoop, because they spend about a minute and a half dragging this reveal out. NC: A minute and a half? What the hell can you show in that amount of time? LittleKuriboh: Well, the suspenseful buildup of picking plants… [LittleKuriboh Hype] Bringing the plants inside… [Critic and MasakoX Boredom] Putting the plants in the medicine… [Such hype]
[Such boredom] Making the medicine… Wha…!
[Critic and MasakoX either asleep or dead] [Critic and MasakoX either asleep or dead] Oh my…!
[Critic and MasakoX either asleep or dead] [Critic and MasakoX either asleep or dead] Yes!
[Critic and MasakoX either asleep or dead] Carrying the medicine down the hallway… NC: OKAY! WE GET IT! GOD! LittleKuriboh: Critic, this is all essential in delivering such a powerhouse reveal! Bringing the medicine into the room… [LittleKuriboh Hype has evolved] [Critic is sick of his shit] Dabbing a cloth in the medicine, and THEN the reveal! NC: You’re not happening, sequel. LittleKuriboh: RIGHT?! LittleKuriboh: RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?! LittleKuriboh: RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?! THAT LittleKuriboh: RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?! THAT WAS LittleKuriboh: RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?! THAT WAS SO LittleKuriboh: RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?! THAT WAS SO STUPID!!!!! Kyle Hebert(?): Next time on Dragon Ball Z… NC: Oh hey! Kyle came back! Jon Bailey: That’s right. And only Ri-yu or Ryu or however you say his name can save the day. NC: Goddammit Jon Bailey! You’re not Kyle Hebert! Jon Bailey: But I fooled you for a minute, didn’t I? Subscribe to my chann– LittleKuriboh: So, that was Dragonball Evolution. NC: Whether you’re an average moviegoer… MasakoX: Or a die-hard fan… NC, LittleKuriboh: and MasakoX: It blows! NC: It’s visually disjointed, it has little to no world-building, the acting is awkward, the effects are lame,… It’s pretty laughably bad. MasakoX: Fans that have waited years for a faithful live-action movie are gonna have to keep waiting. Because this has no idea of what Dragon Ball was about, or what made it so special. LittleKuriboh: It doesn’t work in any way, and any newcomers that are introduced to Dragon Ball this way risk losing a fan for life. It’s just one big disrespectful mess. NC: Well, I probably would have hated the movie anyway, but thank you guys so much for showing me on how many different levels I should hate it. MasakoX: No problem, Critic. LittleKuriboh: My miserable pleasure. NC: I’m the Nostalgia Critic, I remem– Jon Bailey: Hey, wait. You sure you guys don’t want me to narrate you out? Kyle Hebert: You know guys, maybe I was jumping the gun a little bit when I left, and I-Hey! Who the hell are you? Jon Bailey: Um, I’m Kyle He-bert. NC, LittleKuriboh, and MasakoX: *groan* Kyle Hebert: I-I’m gone for a minute and you already get another Kyle Hebert? NC: I’m sorry, but he’s a pretty good Kyle. Jon Bailey: Thanks. Kyle Hebert: He was talking to me! MasakoX: Well, there’s only one way to settle this. LittleKuriboh: That’s right. A Kyle Hebert-off! Kyle Hebert: What? NC: Agreed. You two will face off to see who is the best narrator of Dragon Ball Z! You in? Kyle Hebert: Alright. Jon Bailey: Let’s do this! NC: Okay. Get ready… Get set… [Inhales] MasakoX: Guys, it really is Kyle. LittleKuriboh: Yeah, it’s true. He was there first. NC: Yeah, good point. Kyle, you win. Kyle Hebert: Yes! Jon Bailey: Hey! What the f– NC: I’m the Nostalgia Critic, MasakoX: I’m MasakoX,
NC: I’m the Nostalgia Critic, LittleKuriboh: I’m LittleKuriboh…
MasakoX: I’m MasakoX…
NC: I’m the Nostalgia Critic… NC: And avoid Dragonball Evolution like the plague! [Fart] Kyle Hebert: Will Gohan reclaim his former glory, which was unceremoniously squashed on DBZ? Will Goku be able to close the hole in the ozone layer caused by all the hairspray used in his Super Saiyan do? Can Ox King find true love on Tinder? When will Mr. Satan join the WWE and become an honorary member of The New Day? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Does the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain, or just in Detroit? Bulma: DBE. Catchy name. Doug: Hello, Doug Walker here doing the charity shout-out, and this week we are doing the American Refugee Committee. This is an international NGO that responds to crisis and helps refugees build lives of dignity and self-sufficiency. They work in 11 countries in Africa, the Middle East, and Asia, bringing more than 35 years of expertise and services, such as health and sanitation, to empower refugees around the world. Refugees share with them what they need, and they work together to create programs that make the most sense for that particular community, pursuing new and better solutions to enduring humanitarian challenges. By supporting and co-creating with local organizations, they’ve been able to reach around the globe and reach a unique and sustainable impact on communities. Both their site and their YouTube channel show the incredible work that they do, and they even earned an A+ on Charitywatch.org. Give them a look, and see how you can help these people continue their amazing achievements.

Comments 100

  • What do you think, worst anime adaptation of all time?
    Check out Little Kuriboh's channel – https://www.youtube.com/user/CardGamesFTW
    Check out MasakoX's channel – https://www.youtube.com/user/MasakoXtreme
    Thanks to Kyle Hebert – https://twitter.com/kylehebert
    Thanks to Jon Bailey – https://www.youtube.com/user/jon3pnt0

  • 16:13 …were they trying to make a Goldeneye reference there? 0.o

  • Hmmm actually Piccolo Daimao (the older version from de regular series) is a colossal twat. He just wants to spread fear and rule the world. This was an odd villain choice.
    Nice review though.

  • Shitty shitty ass piss🌹lmfao 😂

  • Goku didnt even know what kissing was years after he was married. ○_○ Yeah he was all about the ladies

  • Man, this is worse than that time I was in high school, and all the guys called me "Geeko", and I was Piccolo's slave, I couldn't get Chi-Chi to like me, and…

  • Worst movie ever made

  • Anyone else notice this video is better than the whole Dragon Ball movie?

  • Watching this and Chris Stuckmann’s review of DBE actually made me more interested in the Dragon Ball series. I’m not sure which one to start with though. Whether it should be the first one from the 80s or DBZ from the 90s.

    Until now, the closest to DBZ I was very familiar with was Super Mario Bros Z 😅

  • I've only read the first 13 mangas but I just realized why I stopped reading them back in the day: the series was pretty violent, showing decapitations and dismemberment. It could be bloody as hell sometimes and this movie, from what I remember, has none of it. Same with nudity and at the time it was a big deal since I was raised by Christians but again: the mangas had tits in it. The movie none. It had tought provoking ideas about what God actually was… None of it is presented in this motion picture!

    It had piss jokes for Christ sake! A hopeless, irredeemable pervert. Nudity. Violence. But also concept such as tenacity, courage, and just be the best you could be!

    … Man, I'm 35 now but I kinda want to go back to DB. Watching the movie was a mistake. It sucks, and not even in a funny way…

  • 10:21 OF COURSE!

  • Do a crossover with matpat lol I’d love to see how that would look with all the theory references

  • Has anyone else noticed how when someone covers DBZ EVO, TFS always colabs with them?

  • Fun Fact, Justin Chatwin is going to be the voice of Knuckles in the Sonic movie

  • I just can't believe I spent money on a movie ticket when this movie came out…Ugh that was a waste

  • I don't like this picalo because he doesn't have the shoulder pads in the anime

  • I feel like the Chi-Chi name joke was a weak attempt to reference the Japanese word for penis, but based on the people who like this movie, they probably don't know how to say hello in Japanese.

  • How could Goku go Great Ape(Oozaru), when he didn't even have a tail?

  • Did the black guy really just say “Geico”

  • Did the guy call dragon ball z a spin off

  • PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Doug , make a review of perfume the story of a murderer !

  • Little Kuriboh works so well with Nostalgia Critic!

  • goku didnt hate fighting he loved it so much he put the world in danger multiple times

  • stop fart jokes

  • Wait… did that guy… who voice's Goku in TFS… just say GOKU HATED fighting? Did i hear that right? What.

  • Wait if they kill king piccolo the dragon balls wouldn't work

  • Goku was never horny for Bulma. The animators were.

    Goku was just a child who'd never met a girl before… or even knew they existed. Once he discovered the difference, he just kinda shrugged it off as one item on a list of a zillion things he didn't know. That's the last time he ever shows any interest in anything crotch-related. Even when he eventually marries Chi-Chi, it's like he's doing it just to be nice. Because he'd accidentally agreed to it some time earlier, without having any clue what he was agreeing to. And years and years later, despite conceiving 2 kids together (something really hard to imagine Goku ever doing, incidentally), you still get the sense that he's just being nice, because Chi-Chi wants to be married to him. He's a character who has never once been motivated by his dick.

  • It's weird to hear critic say littlekuriboh isn't from the right anime when he was the voice of freeza on DBZ abridged

  • They should’ve gave Doug an extra eye and make him Tien.

  • WAIT MASAKOX GUEST STARED ON THIS?

  • That was a clarinet. Not a piccolo.

  • You know nerd, you're not such a bad guy. I think I'm going to enjoy this. -Doug

  • This is the worst movie since avatar the last airbender (movie not the show)

  • Least Goku doesn't sound like his testicles are being squeezed in a vice.

  • This makes the Attack on Titan live action movie look like Avengers: Infinity War

  • Bulma is actually pretty cool, but why the fuck she was dubbed?

  • Every like = -0.1% rotten tomatoes

  • Still better than Dragon Ball Evolution. Oh wait…

  • Dragonball Evolution is the worst thing ever made by a human, even worse than bagpipes.

  • so… 4 dudes getting high with one girl, on a couch, with porno music of the 70' ?
    No comment.

  • 13:30 I'm sure I'm not the first to say this, but that isn't a piccolo.

  • Come on people tell me isn't Dumbledore and Gandalf the same person because they both have killer catchphrases and Dumbledore has glasses and Gandalf needs glasses

  • in the anime, if goku hit a regular person, he would have lost his head

  • 13:08 I honestly expected Masako to know better, Goku loves fighting, it is literally what drives him.

  • So goku is piccolo slave, no krillen,no Kamehameha and freaking goku horny for Chi Chi.

  • this is beautiful

  • 16:29 – 16:31 My reaction when my parents told me that my cousin, Sarah Jane Bounds, was killed in a car crash. I was told that two days ago.

  • Chow Yun fat wasn't a bad choice to play Roshi. Piccolo didn't look that bad. Those are the only good things about this flick.

  • Bulma:someone stole my promethian bord

  • I’m genuinely surprised Naruto didn’t show up to fight Luffy then have class 1-A go up against the sailor scouts then going off to fight the titans while ash Ketchum goes and catches a Pokémon he didn’t catch ever while light Yagami from death note had a conversation with Yugi Moto about moldy bananas

  • Nostalgia Krillin,
    Masagoku X,
    Little Ku Gi Yo

  • I hate this movie .

  • I didn't watch the movie. But I doubt I would like Dragonball anything before, during, or after watching the movie. My friend put it on and I never wanted so badly for shows to end. Just a half hour of yelling and powering and strong attacks and I'm just like… how could anyone be into this! At least this movie wasn't just an hour and a half of Goku yelling and then attacking at the very end. Which is pretty much every show.

  • I have seen fan videos that put this movie to shame.

  • So I came across this movie on one of the premium cable movie channels and watched the last half or so out of boredom. I had no frame of reference, no prior experience with the franchise, no knowledge of who was who…

    And I STILL thought it was a piece of crap!

  • Why did you upload an empty video about something that never happened?

  • NC: Opening and closing mouth like in an actual anime.

    The other two: Almost not moving mouth at all.

  • Ooohhh Devil Boner, Hyper and Bettie they made awesome show full of Fightning and bond and coolness boring bullshit

  • You showed a clarinet not a piccolo lmao that's kinda sad guys

  • The writter of this movie was SO ashamed of making this, he actually apologizes and said he was doing it for a quick check.

    You KNOW the movie is bad when even the writter hates his/her own movie.

  • 6:49 SSJAutobot was right. That version of Goku is a winny little b****.

  • Those pipes are my worst fear in my entire life.

  • At 11:45.allow me to explain.
    "Ki" is the ability to shoot lasers
    In the dragon ball universe.but
     it can also called "chi".so apperently,according to Hollywood logic  the name "chi-chi" is probably
    a reference to the concept of "chi"/"ki".which is funny because
    in japanese "chi-chi" means breasts.

  • Chris Stuckman made a better review.

  • Lucky we got DBZ super broly movie

  • There another bad anime adaptation that bandai recall all copies and burn all copies

  • 15:10 My reaction to this movie in the first 2 minutes

  • 16:32 Me after watching the full movie.

  • 20:10 Best line in the entire video. "Do they know the difference between animes, non-animes, and ABOMINATIONS OF GOD!!" 🤣

  • Little kuriboh and Abriged Goku with you Critic you read my Christmas list so THANK YOU!

  • When Mai being Piccolo's bodyguard?

  • They’re right about the movie sucking butI don’t think they’ve actually watched Dragon Ball.Dude said Goku hates fighting And that’s literally what Goku lives for and he’s not horny in dragon ball he’s curious

  • By the way Emily Rossum wasn’t bad in Phantom of the Opera, so do NOT insult her talents. Yes her performance here is bad but the blame goes on the screenwriter.

  • Watchin this before my 19th bday on the 9th!
    This episode was kinda the best early bday present i got when i turned 17 :3

  • For you see Dragon Ball fans, your not dealing with the average crappy movie anymore.

    Like if you get the reference.

  • I like to think this movie is a funny story fiona and Jimmy from 'shameless' tell the kids on weed or cocaine

  • 13:32 that’s a clarinet you fucking idiot

  • Shit is ass

  • That's not even goku

  • Now I want to see a Death Note review.

  • You can tell Masako didn't have a hand in the writing when he spoke the line "The original Goku hated fighting"

    Loving to fight is the quickest way to define Goku. It's so weird to hear Masako say that he didn't like to fight. The guy is an expert on the franchise and he should have had a hand in writing this review.

  • Everything, that is what I hate about this movie literally everything. How do you fuck up guy fights army who turns into giant monkey…let's all be thankful frieza wasn't ruined in this movie too or vagita or anything else no wonder the original writer came out to fix this abortion of his original creation.

  • There are times where fart gags are pretty much the bottom of the barrel of gags.

    But that last one?

    Perfection

  • From my standpoint the reason I hate this film isn’t because it’s bad, and it isn’t because it’s an insult to DragonBall. It’s actually because… this film nearly destroyed my respect for DragonBall.

    Yeah, no lie. From this movie I assumed that DragonBall was a hyper spiritual crap fest I would never watch. But after seeing ScrewAttack and other YouTube channels talk about it, I gave it another shot and I’ve been loving it ever since

  • SHENRON, The power of god compells you!!

  • anyone else just find it amusing that everytime someone lands on the planet massive chunks get taken out?

  • 6:22 that sound effect is from the Gex games!

  • Little Kurioh: "Bob"
    I died

  • I believe that Alita Battle Angel has now set the standard for anime to live action movies.

  • 13:08 Since when?! If there's anything that Goku is known for, it's his obsession with fighting. You want to know how I know that? THE UNIVERSE NEARLY ENDED BECAUSE OF HIM WANTING TO FIGHT!!!

  • Doesn’t look nearly as bad as full metal alchemist. Hecking Netflix

  • Why did you bring up a picture of a clarinet when you said piccolo?

  • Omg the ending though

  • Dragon Ball evolution is horrible and this is one of the scenes -> 9:29

  • Wait wait wait…Masako and Kuriboh are British?!?!

  • I will admit and I hope no one holds this against me but I actually do have this movie although it's in my closet collecting dust where it rightfully belongs I thought Street Fighter the Legend of Chun-Li was better than this trash but again just expressing how I feel and it's just my opinion

  • why Little Kuriboh didn't play Freezer at the begining?

  • Heres a theory, the movie is an alternate universe that once existed until Zeni erased it

  • Its amazing that three nerds with next to no budget make a more faithful version than Hollywood ever could.

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