Demi Lardner – 2017 Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala

(Voice Over) She’s won RAW Comedy and So You Think You’re Funny in Edinburgh Make her feel very welcome It’s Demi Lardner Oh hey, I’m Demi Umm, I don’t know whether you guys can tell by looking at me but I have had a lot of Step-dads. They’ve all been the kind of man that would say the phrase, like ah They would say ‘look what you made me do’ Which.. is never good. It’s never a good thing It’s never like ‘look what you made me do’ ‘It’s a collage about my emotions’ ‘The macaroni represents how much I f*cking love you.’ ‘Masculinity’s a prison!’ It’s never that. It’s never that. The last one that I had, the most recent step-dad umm, he was interesting, he, umm He never slept. Didn’t seem to ever sleep. He would always just be like ‘yeah I’m a night owl, Demi’. Just a night owl. Which by the way.. is just an owl. *audience laughter* I’d just like it if we could all agree on that. (Voice Over) *Coughing* (Voice Over) Hey Demi? (Demi) Yeah (Voice Over) You hungry? (Demi) Yeah a little bit hungry (Voice Over) Yeah a little bit (Demi) Little bit (Voice Over) Go get a snack (Demi) Can’t get a snack, didn’t bring one Didn’t bring one out here, it’s a Gala, it’s very important I didn’t bring one, didn’t bring anything Oh, actually I did bring one thing actually I brought my secret stash (Voice Over) Oi! Got your secret stash? (Voice Over) Go get it then (Demi) Can’t, can’t get it, can’t Don’t know where it is I’ve left it somewhere Don’t know where it is, I need some help I would need ah, maybe 2000-ish people to help me But I don’t know whether they will I don’t know whether they’ll help me Oh my goodness, I hope they do Let’s find out, here I go *music plays* *sings* Where is the secret stash? Lookin for the secret stash Where is the box that I keep my secret stash in Let’s bloody find it Which one of youse got it Let me look for the secret stash and then have you got it, sir? and then I’m gonna touch this man Where is the secret stash? Gonna bloody find it I’m getting mighty hungry I need the secret stash Where bloody is it? Have you seen it up above? And get on the chairs and I’ll get a better view Sorry, sir, I can’t seem to find my secret stash Oh my goodness, Hello! Have you looked under your chair, ma’am? Why don’t you try looking underneath your chair? Maybe something, Ohh my God Oh my goodness, thank you so much You’ve done such a kindness to me *mumbling* *grumbling* Secret Stash! *Still singing* I’ve got the secret stash Here we go Back onto the stage You’ve been to Demi Lardner Get on the stage Most people use their Galas.. to showcase their best bits and I’m doing this Let’s open up the box see what’s inside the secret stash Here we go *music stops* I went to Uni Thanks! I’ve been Demi Lardner

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