DATING A FRENCH MAN: What We Wish We Knew Before Dating/Marrying French Men!!


Salut YouTube it’s me Rosie but as
you can see it’s not just me this week I’ve got my friend Kate with me
hello everyone so as you guys know it’s Christmas coming up we’ve got the
Christmas tree in the background so our Christmas present to you is to do a
video with a double the fun we’re gonna do a video together on dating French
boys something we both know a lot about we do. Kate actually took it to the next
level and she’s actually gone and married a Frenchman I did so I’ve been
in France for eight years now and I finally took the deep dive and Rob and I
got married at this last summer and for me with my Frenchie we’ve been together about five years no ring on it empty hand as you can see – hint hint hint hint hint
and yes so we wanted to do a video on the things that we wish we had known
before we entered into these long-term relationships with French men it
probably could have saved us a lot of a lot of a lot of tears maybe yeah a lot
of tears a lot of stubbornness on certain points a lot of fights that were never
going to end in our favor miscommunication exactly so
without further ado we might jump into the first five things that we wish we
had known before we started dating Frenchmen So the first thing that we
wanted to talk to you guys about is the way that French men celebrate holidays
so besides something like Christmas which is definitely celebrated
everywhere I’m talking from my American background I don’t know if it’s the same
in New Zealand but we celebrate everything from something as big as
Christmas to something as small as the first 100 days of school so celebrations
all the time for example I have been living in France now for eight years but
I remember the first time that I was dating a French guy
so it wasn’t Robin but we were together and I had worked really hard to finish
college one year early so I could move to France and we could finally be together full-time and my graduation day came and everything I’d worked for for
us happened and was here and not only did he not call me to talk to me about
graduation to wish me a happy graduation he did not send a card he did not send a
gift he didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I was graduating so at the time I was
just so surprised and shocked and hurt And after moving to France and living for a
little while and also dating other guys because obviously we didn’t work out I’ve come to realize that not only is graduation not a big thing in France but then on
top of it they don’t really celebrate things the same way that we do in the States so even if it had been a big deal I wouldn’t have received a card or a gift
because it wasn’t my birthday or Xmas Exactly I have exactly the
same experience I mean I used to be the kind of profile who was like okay it’s 10 days until our one year anniversary – countdown 10 little presents before the anniversary itself to kind of tease and then you get sent on a big treasure hunt for the actual event and I was really this kind of person that was super into big
celebrations and gifts and very romantic so for Valentine’s Day for birthdays and
that kind of thing and I remember just being so devastated I just had a moment
where I thought oh he’s quite frugal and it’s really not like that at all, but for him, it wasn’t a big deal Yeah Valentine’s Day
is not a big it’s not really celebrated So for example on Valentine’s Day our compromise is that we go to Pizza Hut so Robin hates Pizza Hut and so his big
compromise on Valentine’s Day is that we can go there and I can eat my favorite
pizza these it’s not really anything that he likes but that’s about as far as
I get for Valentine’s Day is a dinner out at Pizza Hut and that’s a big
improvement and you imagine these Frenchmen to be like these brooding
emotional complex and mysterious guys to write you big long love letters and things but honestly it took me years and years and years to even get a
written birthday card I was on the same page where I like to write a lot of
cards and I really like to express like for birthdays I’ll write you know really
long birthday cards for Robin and he would never do anything like that for me
and I was always kind of like oh but I’d really like that and so for example when
he proposed one of the things that he did do for that was write a card that I
could keep so it’s you know I mean they pay attention and you know you can kind
of talk a lot more and more about holidays but they do learn so the second point that we wanted to talk about and this is I mean this is true for French
men but it’s true for the French people in general is that they don’t really
hold anything back when it comes to giving you feedback so they will give
you quite direct feedback it could be on your cooking or what
you’re wearing or but I found that quite surprising that Niels was so direct just
the other day I went through the effort of what I thought was making him a
lovely quiche for dinner with a nice salad and everything and we sit down at
the table and we’re eating away and I asked Niels you know what do you think
of the quiche and his response was you know you do have the tendency to make
quite watery quiches thank you and that’s quite typical like
he’s not gonna beat around the bush like he’ll get to the point no not at all
Robin is the same way like very direct and says exactly what he’s thinking and
the worst time is for things that you don’t take very personally it’s not like
that big of a deal but I remember just a couple weeks ago I had like cleaned the
entire apartment so that was like a big deal I’d done everything while he was
out it was kind of like a surprise and he came back and I was like do you
notice something and he was like oh you know you cleaned the apartment and then
he looked down at the table and he’s like you always have a hard time like washing
the windows and the tables with that solution I can still see the marks I’m
just like I definitely think that this type of
like direct feedback behavior is not necessarily just a French male thing I
think it’s also just a French cultural thing and one of my favorite examples is
Robin’s mom who is absolutely I have a fabulous mother-in-law but she’s really
direct about weight gain which I would find to be like a super sensitive subject
I don’t think my mother would ever be like oh honey it looks like you put on a
few pounds I don’t think she would whereas in France they don’t really see weight gain
and the same way we do in the states where it’s something about a physical
appearance it’s really directly related to health so Robin you know whatever
holiday season put on like couple of pounds and we went to go have lunch at
his mom’s house and the first thing she said to him was oh honey it looks like
you put on a couple of kilos like you you know Kate you should really make
some soup you guys should be eating soup next week like you need to be careful
and Robin’s like okay and I was like OMG if I got that kind of direct feedback from my Mum I would be thinking about that the whole day I would be crying for a week I would be on like full-on lemon detox super juice cleanse yeah so I think it’s definitely learned behavior
as well as they get direct feedback from their family and so that’s just kind of
a cultural thing they pass on but there’s no barriers between men and
women so be ready for some direct feedback – definitely So the third thing
that we wanted to talk about around dating a Frenchman is that they don’t
necessarily appreciate the efforts that we would have made unlike guys that we
would be dating back home for example our eyebrows are done, our eyes are done, our hair is GHD curled like things are done up let’s say we
don’t have that effortless approach that the French woman do I used to go out to
dates look you know quite dressed up what I thought was attractive to men
that I was used to so that means I have my goodies out in addition to nice
hair nice make up and stuff and a few weeks
into dating Niels was kind enough to give me the feedback that he thought I
looked a little bit tarty And one night he was like Rosie and I was like what?! And he’s like Rosie, you’re wearing too much make-up To be very frank Robin is a boob guy so any time somebody’s chest is out, whether it’s mine or it’s yours so I don’t know that he would have done the same thing as Niels. In the States the same way that it is I think in New Zealand is you definitely
you want to curl your hair eyebrows you want to put on a lot of makeup and you
want to put on heels and it’s a night out on the town now when I look
back at other people in New Zealand going out and stuff I have a little bit
the same reaction if somebody’s on the hunt – yeah exactly – somebody’s on the prowl tonight Which is why I can completely understand now where Niel’s was coming from when he gave me this constructive feedback so I’ve gotten
used to dressing down and being more natural but there is that side of me that still kind of pops out every now and then Exactly – unleash – unless your inner hoe ladies So the next thing we want to talk about is kind of how much interest that Frenchmen take in your fashion choices because as you’re just saying
that you know they like somebody to dress down and may be more natural etc
they also have quite an opinion about clothes so Robin for example if I just
take my own personal experience he doesn’t enjoy going shopping with me and
he’s never going to buy clothes for me at all but he will when I’m getting
dressed make comments like for example yesterday is that what you’re wearing to
work clearly that’s what I have on and I’m about to walk out of the door so at
the same time he’s super direct about what he thinks so he’s not going to go
like buy clothes or come with me to pick them out but I can come back from
shopping and he’ll be like well show me what you got and I put it on and then
they’ll be like I don’t like that and I don’t like that
but yeah that one you can keep oh thank you for your input
yeah this was quite surprising for me like it’ll be my birthday and as my gift Niels would have gone out shopping and he’ll find me
knee-high leather boots so he’ll have actually made a decision and bought
purchased dresses for me which I find quite brave but yeah he also has an
opinion on what I wear and it’s just part of the package stay strong because
you can still wear whatever you want You can wear whatever you want if you take if you
decide to take their opinion or not that’s a whole other story So the final thing that we
wanted to talk to you guys about is my favorite subject
it is exes in France yay oh so one of the things I’ve learned I have had three
relationships with Frenchman since I moved here and one of the things I’ve
learned is that exes are never out of the picture which means that you do need
to learn to be comfortable hanging out with a girl who has had a relationship with
your boyfriend or in my specific case your husband In my specific case with Robin he actually grew up right outside of Paris
and so we live in Paris right now so all of his friends are still here and I
think at least in the US and from my experiences you know that high school
college phase where everybody kind of shares boyfriends and you’ve got a big
group of say 25 friends and you’re kind of you know passing people around
and breaking up and getting together with everybody that at some point now
most of them are married now and have serious relationship but they’ve all at
some point kind of hooked up with each other and they’re all really great
friends now and they don’t mind so they kind of expect that the new people that
they bring into the group don’t mind either kind of have to get used to it
here I think because it’s it’s super normal to hook up and then stay friends
and I know that’s probably more help in that’s the way it may be yeah should be
but it is kind of awkward when you know you’re meeting someone and you’re like
oh so you know what my boyfriend looks like naked, nice to meet you! They really believe
that you can be lovers and then be friends but yeah that’s very hard to get
our heads around we think if you’ve had that romantic side and that fantasy and
everything how can you ever just go back to you
know like nothing ever happened I find that really hard to get my head
around but it seems so normal yeah and it’s really a two-way street I think
that’s important to say it’s not as if they can be friends with their
girlfriends and then you can’t be friends with your ex-boyfriend
Robin it has no problem with me going to like both of my ex-boyfriends still live in
Paris he has no problem with me grabbing coffee with them going and
seeing them for a drink so it does go both ways So I hope that you liked that, that was the five things that we wished we had known about French men before we started dating them or marrying them but of course there’s a
lot more where that came from it is not finished here so we’ll be
coming back at you with part two to this video so if you want to see that give
this video a thumbs up give us a comment down below are you dating a
French man ? Are you a French man? What do you think? Let us know down below in the
comments we’ll definitely be checking those out and until the next video, à bientôt! Something super exciting is that Kate has actually just launched her blog about her life, her experiences in Paris and all over the world actually so
do you want to let them know we can find your blog yeah so you guys can find me
at UnintentionallyFrenchified.com and I am going to be writing about my
experiences in France but also about all the different places that I’ve been
traveling to and my favorite topic The BEST Pizza restaurants in Paris! Cool awesome I’ll link it down below of course in the description box so you guys can go and
check it out!

Comments 39

  • Hey guys, hope you like this video! What did we miss? Thank you to my special guest Kate, who you can find right here: https://unintentionallyfrenchified.com/about/

  • Je trouve votre vidéo super intéressante entant que française mais après je pense que tous les français ne sont pas ok avec les ex qui restent amis, personnellement c'est un gros non… Ou du moins pas sans moi et enfin c'est gênant pour tout le monde…

  • Seriously I work with French men who speak English and the experience these 'girls' are having with the men they are with may be constructed because of socioeconomic class. Not all French men behave they way these women have prescribed them to be.

  • if this is real, its sad

  • Is it true that the French use butter, when doing it from the back ?

  • Your men don't love you and have zero respect for your preferences… and you allow it by saying oh well it's because they are french. How about a dick is a dick no matter where it comes from it will do what it gets away with…

  • Ummm, I’m mexican, and my mom would also tell me if I have gained weight, like, I wouldn’t feel extremely great for the comment but I’d appreciate it.

  • kate looks like Taylor Bagley lolz

  • The French can be cheaters, abusive … and more abusive.

  • Both of you are so Hot.Deserve better

  • Wow what sad relationships you guys have, its not all frenchmen in general that do those things, it just seems that you're men are probably not that into you, also not all french men keep they're ex's as friends for the most part when they do it's because they're still messing with each other behind you're back

  • Haha my French boyfriend definitely has an opinion on what I wear but most of the time I just wear what I want anyways 😂
    I definitely think that the whole dressing up thing says more about American culture than French culture. I live in Germany and we have exactly the same opinion on too much make up and people will rarely ever do their hair and weir heels unless they are going to a ball(prom) or the opera or sth.

  • loved this ladies, thank you

  • Wow i was going to say, this is not normal behavior for french male (not meaning none are acting like that) but all the comments are already warning you. Clearly they are using the fact that you dont know much about french couple culture to do whatever they want, i know it's 2 years old video so you probably moved on this "issues". But you shouls definitely talk to some french women who are NOT boyfriend's friend, if they are they will say whatever they can for help their friend(and your relationship) and minimize the issues you might have. This is your choice to go through this issues making compromises or not.

  • Cuz you are ugly

  • Kate looks Dutch

  • Bonjour…quel genre d'homme aiment les néo-zélandaises?😉

  • o my god , hearing these things it's a bummer. but i love france a lot specially paris. also am learning french. but i hope i don't get to date one strict french man. :p

  • Les prenoms de vos compagnons ne sont vraiment pas communs en France. Niels surtout, ca sonne tres anglophone, pas du tout français.
    D'ailleurs,.en vous ecoutant, je ne reconnais pas la mentalite febrile des hommes francais. En effet, en France, en general, les hommes sont de vraies serpilleres pour les femmes, ils ne sont absolument pas virils comme vos compagnons, ils donnent tout aux femmes et leur pardonnent toujours tout, meme si il elles ont un comportement irrespectueux, quitte a trouver a l'attitude de ces femmes des circonstances attenuantes. Les femmes francaises sont vraiment tres belles, ont beaucoup de caractere, sont fortes et tres intelligentes, et de ce fait elles ont du mal a trouver des hommes qui leur arrive a la cheville, comme m'ont l'air d'etre vos compagnons.
    Bref, je souhaite a vos romances respectives une longue et belle vie, jalonnee de rire et de bonne humeur.
    Cordialement.

  • Pretty true video but I would never say "is it what you're wearing for work?" at my girlfriend or criticize too much (well, except make-up for sure). That's really rude.

  • Speaking generally about french men, based on your small experiences ? Sorry, but you can't. You are dealing with clichés here. It's the same if I spoke about the canadian girl I've dated years ago… Dating is not about programming the good behaviour you want to get before meeting the guy, dating is about falling in love and loose control, let go… and bad experiences… you know… that happens (relation failure is 50/50 shared responsability). We all have misbehaviours, as you do. It's just a matter of chance, try again 😉 (and don't forget your own misbehaviours)

  • sounds like ur just dating absolute trash men. i cringed when she was saying her husband is a boob guy and will stare at any boobs. that def has nothing to do with french culture and is just him thinking he can do whatever he wants bc he knows ur just ganna be like “ah the french!” if this happened to u back home would u allow it? stop letting them take advantage of u, stop being so gullible, look at all these red flags and run far far away please.

  • I've married a french guy… ohhh you are so right!! Thank for the video…. I'm from Bolivia anyway and I feel the same… good luck for you girls

  • Wait, Pizza Hut is your favorite pizza? Did you grow up in a ghetto?

  • Hey girls you should ask yourself : Are you atracted towards jerks ? You should be a bit more selective.

  • The ex thing — I'm still not sure how I'd feel about that, once the sexual component's been there. Meh…

  • Interesting and fun to know…

  • Pizza Hut ?

  • Such a fun episode but I have to say that not all of this is true regarding hanging out with ex-partners: maybe it can be different for different people

  • Interesting! Glad I am not dating a french man 😋

  • Maybe you need to date French men from outside of Paris. The ones from smaller cities are nicer.

  • your bfs dont care about you, its that easy. get new ones lol. they are probably also searching for better options

  • Ce n'est pas tout à fait vrai pour le célébration des diplômes… Tout les gens que je connais, à qui j'ai parlé et que j'ai rencontré on tous fêter leur obtention de diplôme, avec même cadeaux, appels et cartes de félicitations !

  • Very nise mari two one

  • Ladies. I have one word for you: Aspergers. Please look into it. The directness and odd inconsideration you are experiencing from your men is a hallmark of folks who have Aspergers and comes from the Asperger brain's innate inability to see things from another person's perspective. When a neurotypical partner has an undiagnosed Asperger partner who happens to also be from a different culture, the neurotypical partner will often attribute their partner's off-putting behavior and comments to a cultural difference. Pay attention to the comments here from women and men who are French or involved with French people who have NOT had the experiences you are describing, THEN look up a support group for neurotypical people in relationships with Aspies and see what you think.

  • These guys are making American men look like Prince Charming!

  • On dirait des gamines qui sortent avec des cons juste pour dire qu'elles sont avec un français, et pas se sentir seules.

  • What sort of guys did you pick up ladies!!! French men better pay attention to birthday card’s, congratulations for graduation and all the rest…those guys have a name : goujat …run from them…

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