Black Jeopardy with Tom Hanks – SNL


>>>THIS IS “BLACK JEOPARDY.”
>>WHAT UP? WHAT UP, WHAT UP, WHAT UP?
WELCOME TO “BLACK JEOPARDY,” THE ONLY TV GAME SHOW WHERE THE
AUDIENCE IS IN CHURCH CLOTHES. I’M YOUR HOST DARNELL HAYES.
OUR CONTESTANTS TODAY ARE KEELY.>>HEY.
>>SHANIECE.>>OKAY, NOW.
>>AND DOUG. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>HOW ARE YOU DOING, SIR?>>OH, MAN.
DOUG, YOU SURE YOU READY TO PLAY “BLACK JEOPARDY”?
>>THEY TOLD ME A FELLA COULD WIN SOME MONEY, SO LET’S WIN ME
SOME MONEY, GIT HER DONE.>>I ADMIRE YOUR CONFIDENCE.
LET’S SEE OUR CATEGORIES. WE GOT “BIG GIRLS.”
[ LAUGHTER ] “HMM, I DON’T KNOW.”
“YOU BETTER.” “I’M GONNA PRAY ON THIS.”
“THEY OUT HERE SAYING.” AND AS ALWAYS, “WHITE PEOPLE.”
[ LAUGHTER ] KEELY, YOU ARE OUR RETURNING
CHAMP, YOU PICK.>>OKAY, LET’S DO “YOU BETTER”
FOR $200.>>OKAY, THE ANSWER THERE, “YOU
NEED HOT SAUCE, DUCK SAUCE, SOY SAUCE, AND SAFETY PINS.”
KEELLY.>>WHAT IS YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR
ASS TO THE KITCHEN AND LOOK IN THE PACKET DRAWER.
>>YEAH. YEAH, THE PACKET DRAWER, YEAH.
YEAH, EVERY KITCHEN HAS GOT ONE.>>OKAY, LET’S STAY WITH “YOU
BETTER” FOR $400.>>OKAY, THE ANSWER, “YOUR JOB
WANTS TO TAKE $40 OUT OF YOUR CHECK FOR A 401(k).”
SHANIECE?>>WHAT IS, YOU BETTER GIVE ME
THAT MONEY SO I CAN GET ME SOME SCRATCH-OFFS?
>>YOU DAMN RIGHT. I MEAN, WHY I NEED A RETIREMENT
PLAN WHEN I GOT MONOPOLY MILLIONAIRES CLUB.
>>I PLAY THAT EVERY WEEK.>>THAT’S GOOD FOR YOU.
OKAY. THE BOARD IS YOURS, SHANIECE.
>>LET’S GO WITH “THEY OUT THERE SAYING” FOR $200.
>>OKAY, THEY OUT HERE SAYING THE NEW iPHONE WANTS YOUR THUMB
PRINT FOR YOUR PROTECTION. OH, OKAY, THEN, DOUG.
>>WHAT IS, I DON’T THINK SO, THAT’S HOW THEY GET YOU.
>>YES, THAT’S IT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
THAT’S IT!>>I DON’T TRUST THAT.
>>ME EITHER.>>NO, I READ THAT GOES STRAIGHT
TO THE GOVERNMENT.>>WELL, THAT’S NOT BAD, DOUG.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE BOARD IS YOURS.
>>LET’S GO OVER TO “I DON’T KNOW,” FOR $400.
>>OKAY, THE ANSWER, HE SAYS HIS DOG DOESN’T BITE.
SHANIECE.>>WHAT IS, HM, I DON’T KNOW, HE
GOT TEETH, DON’T HE?>>YEAH, THAT’S IT.
ANYTHING. [ LAUGHTER ]
ANYTHING WITH TEET.>>LET’S STICK WITH “HM, I DON’T
KNOW,” FOR $600.>>OKAY.
CAITLYN JENNER SAYS SHE BELONGS ON THE COVER OF “ESSENCE”
MAGAZINE. KEELY.
>>WHAT IS, HMM, I DON’T KNOW, YOU CAN’T DO EVERYTHING.
>>YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. THERE WAS A TIME.
>>ABSOLUTELY.>>REMEMBER, THERE WAS A TIME.
>>OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER, YEAH,>>OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>OKAY.
LET’S GO TO “THEY OUT HERE SAYING” FOR $800.
>>ALL RIGHT, THE ANSWER, THEY OUT HERE SAYING THAT EVERY VOTE
COUNTS. OH, DOUG AGAIN.
>>WHAT IS, COME ON, THEY ALREADY DECIDED WHO WINS EVEN
BEFORE IT HAPPENS.>>YES, YES!
[ LAUGHTER ] THE ILLUMINATI FIGURED THAT OUT
MONTHS AGO. THAT’S ANOTHER ONE FOR DOUG.
>>OKAY, WE’RE DOING IT. LET’S TRY, “THEY OUT HERE
SAYING” FOR $600.>>OKAY.
THEY OUT HERE SAYING, THIS MOVIE DOESN’T DESERVE AN OSCAR.
KEELY.>>WHAT IS “TYLER PERRY’S BOO! A
MADEA HALLOWEEN.”>>ABSOLUTELY.
ABSOLUTELY, YOU KNOW. WHEN THAT MAN PUTS ON THAT MUMU
I’M JUST TRANSPORTED. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU, I LOVE THOSE MOVIES.
I BOUGHT A BOX SET AT WALMART, AND IF I CAN LAUGH AND PRAY IN
90 MINUTES, THAT IS MONEY WELL SPENT.
>>WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE YOU SAYING THAT.
NO, NO — IT’S ALL GOOD. IT’S ALL GOOD.
IT’S ALL GOOD. IT’S ALL GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>OKAY.
KEELY. IT’S YOUR PICK.
>>LET’S GO TO “YOU BETTER” FOR $600.
>>OKAY, THE ANSWER, THE MECHANIC SAYS YOU OWE $250 FOR
NEW BRAKE LINES. DOUG.
>>WHAT IS, YOU BETTER GO TO THE DUDE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD THAT
WILL FIX THINKING FOR $40.>>OH, YOU KNOW CECIL?
>>YEAH, YEAH. MY CECIL’S NAME IS JIM AND HE
FIXED MY REFRIGERATOR, MY AIR CONDITIONER AND MY CAT.
>>YEAH, EVERYBODY’S GOT A GUY. YOU ALL RIGHT, DOUG.
[ LAUGHTER ] LET’S TAKE A MOMENT AND HEAR
ABOUT TODAY’S PRIZES. JOHNNY?
>>THANKS, DARNELL. TODAY’S “BLACK JEOPARDY” WINNER
WILL RECEIVE THE GOOD CHAIR. GRANDDADDY NEEDS SOMEWHERE TO
SIT. GIVE HIM THE GOOD CHAIR.
AND CAR TAPE. THE BEST TAPE FOR FIXING YOUR
CAR. CAR TAPE.
BACK TO YOU, DARNELL.>>DOUG, I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S
GOING ON BUT THE BOARD IS YOURS.>>WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
DARNELL. YOU PEOPLE ARE FUN.
CAN I SAY THAT? THAT OKAY?
CAN I SAY THAT?>>WE’LL GIVE YOU A PASS THIS
TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>OKAY, LET’S GO TO “BIG GIRLS” FOR $200.
>>OKAY. THE ANSWER THERE, SKINNY WOMEN
CAN DO THIS FOR YOU. DOUG?
>>WHAT IS, NOT A DAMN THING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT. YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT.
>>YES!>>MY WIFE — MY WIFE’S A STURDY
WOMAN.>>THAT IS MY MAN RIGHT THERE.
>>OKAY.>>GO DOUG, GO DOUG, GO DOUG —
[ KNOCKING ]>>OH, THE SOUND OF THE BROOM
HITTING THE CEILING BELOW US MEANS THE PARTY HAS TO STOP.
DOUG. I GOT TO SAY, IT’S BEEN A
PLEASURE.>>WELL, THAT IS RIGHT BACK AT
YOU, MY BROTHER.>>ALL RIGHT, WELL, LET’S TAKE A
LOOK AT OUR “FINAL JEOPARDY” CATEGORY.
“LIVES THAT MATTER.” [ AUDIENCE OOHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT
LASTED, DOUG. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YOU KNOW, I’VE ACTUALLY GOT A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS —
>>YEAH I’M SURE YOU DO. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE GONNA PLAY
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM JUST TO SEE WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS.
WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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