And The Richest Person In History Is…


[POEM TIME]
Craig: You are my stars you are my moon. You’re my everything and yet there’s something wrong. There’s a throng of several folks who are upset. We can’t move on We can’t grow strong unless we share a mindset to want now, to want here. Are the unsubscribers gone yet? [Wheezy beard intro] Guess what, everybody? At long last, there is hope that we can all get along a little too well… [boinging eyebrows] “Two Florida state senators appeared to admit to a bipartisan affair” Oscar Braynon II is a democrat and an Anitere Flores is a republican. I imagine one of them went up to the other and was like: “Hey. I don’t know about you, but my bipart is on.” “Uh-oh. Maybe it’s time you and I sign a discharge petition.” “I see you’re for campaign finance reform.” Shall we go down to the grassroots and have a landslide or up against the legislature?” “Wherever. I’ll bring the majority with.” “I’ll bring the gubernatorial incumbent.” “I don’t get that one.” “Me neither, but it sounded dirty.” “Oh yeah, it did.” And then they filibustered each other’s budgets, filed a motion to recommit and then committed a ”third” rail of politics and so on and so on. Proving to the world that you can bridge the partisan divide. Giving the country hope. Also, they’re both married with children and it’s a really terrible terrible thing they did. Moving on. Follow up on yesterday’s story about how Amazon is taking over every aspect of our lives right down to choosing what we wear, Jeff Bezos (Amazon CEO) is now the richest person in history. His net worth has reached 105.1 billion dollars. Billion! That’s ridiculous. Assuming there’s 7.5 billion people on earth, he could give everyone… carry the 3… $14. He could buy every person on earth two decent beers. Like, good local beers. But that includes children. If you have children, you get to drink their beer. And we just had a kid. Score! With that kind of money, you could start your own country. Fund your own army. You could swim in a pile of gold like Scrooge McDuck. Don’t do that though. I don’t think that’s physically possible. You could fund a week-daily one-man YouTube channel with double that money if we achieve the vision that I’m having. Let’s just say it’d require a lot of plutonium. And beer. And alligators. And Carpal tunnel medication, probably. When asked to comment, Bezos responded: Actually, no one asked him for a comment. Interesting. [singing] If I had 105 billion dollars… if I had 105 billion dollars. I’d probably just make sure my investors are happy. Clone: Makes sense. Craig: And in final news the book Fire and Fury is on the bestseller list. Not that Fire and Fury, allthough that one probably is too, but Fire and Fury, the allied bombing of Germany. It was written by a Canadian professor and it’s surging now in popularity because people are accidentally buying it instead of the Trump book. This proves one of my long-standing theories: People dumb. – Craig Benzine Oh, yeah, in completely unrelated news, I should let you know I’m in the process of legally changing my name to KatyPerryVEVO. I’ve just… always wanted that name since I was a kid. You know, I just really look like a KatyPerryVEVO, you know? You can call me K-Veeve. If you like. If you liked this video, hit that thumbs up button. If you hated it, reconsider how you form opinions. Assuming Jeff Bezos won’t be supporting me, you can support me on Patreon, where I do monthly live hangouts or punch myself in the face or other perks. If you want to support me for a free just Facebook and tweet out this channel, let people know! I think they’ll like it. It’s a pretty good time. Subscribe and hit that bell if you want to see more or unsubscribe if for some reason you’ve stopped liking fun. I’m K-Veeve. Thanks for watching. *ding*
[subtitles by the Wheezy Waiter Wiki team]

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